Be Brave
by bebravelily
Summary: This is a Marauder's Era fan fic starting during the summer before 7th-a story of loss, family, and finding yourself in a war not meant for children. I'd love to have you guys along for the ride! Updates: AS OF MONDAY NOVEMBER 10TH, THIS FIC IS ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1--Lily

_Lily_

Returning home for the summer holidays always filled me with a sense of dread that I'd never imagine I'd feel when I was a young girl. Home—filled with the people I loved and the memories I cherished—stopped feeling like home when I realized I didn't fit in anymore. Mum, Dad, and especially Petunia all lead a life while I was away that I'd never understand. And I lived in a world that they'd never fit in to.

Mum had kissed me on the cheek while Dad waited by the door, promising to call every night while her and Dad were visiting Petunia and her boyfriend, Vernon. I didn't miss the fact that I failed to receive an invitation. Neither of them told me when they'd be back, and I had yet to hear the phone ring with a call from my mother.

They left a week ago.

I didn't think that they hated me or anything; no, I knew that my parents felt nothing but love for my sister and myself. It just felt more like they spent so long not worrying about me that it had become odd to do so.

I tried not to dwell on that, knowing that in only a year I'd be moving to Wizard London with my best friends and leaving this life behind me.

It was when I was lost in my head, thinking about the flat that Marlene, Mary, and I had checked out over Christmas, when I was startled by a lovely silver stag in the middle of my kitchen.

"Merlin!" I screeched, clutching my hand to my heart, just as James Potter's voice echoed throughout the room.

_"Evans, we're coming."_

"Bloody hell," I muttered, kicking the air the stag had materialized in. Less than a second later, I heard the doorbell ring. "Fucking idiots."

"Evening, Lily," Sirius said cheerily once I opened the front door. Without waiting for an invitation, him, James, and Peter pushed passed me into the house. Remus sent me an apologetic smile and I didn't hesitate before hugging him.

"Sorry about them," He said softly as I let him go.

"I'll live," I smiled, stepping aside to let him in. "How's your holiday so far?"

Remus shrugged, getting quiet. I took the opportunity to appraise his person; the shirt that hung off his lanky figure had holes in it, looking slightly rumpled like he had picked it off the floor and thrown it off; his cords had a rip in the knee and his hair was almost as messy as James'. I reached out and smoothed it down as we walked into the kitchen, where the other three were checking out the contents of my refrigerator.

"Stop snooping in my fridge!" I snapped as I watched Sirius emerge with a container of mash and a small pot of leftover stew. "Sirius, I mean it!"

"Would you say you're Sirius?" James quipped, rubbing an apple against his chest before taking a bit out of it.

I rolled my eyes. "As much as I appreciate seeing you lot, what do you want with me—_Sirius, don't you dare touch my pudding!"_

"Oh, c'mon, Evans," Sirius groaned, putting the container back into the fridge. "I'm _starving._"

"We just had lunch at the Leaky—"

"Peter!"

"Sorry, Sirius."

"If you four don't give me an explanation in the next five seconds, I'm blasting your arses out of my house," I threatened, glaring openly at them all.

Remus heaved himself onto the counter and grabbed a grape out of the container James held onto. "We heard from Mary that you had the house to yourself this summer."

"What's it to you all?" I said suspiciously, frowning. Sirius and James exchanged a look, and I suddenly felt very uneasy. "Well?"

"We might've invited a few people over," Sirius shrugged, not meeting my eyes.

"And they might be coming over in, oh the next—" James paused, shaking his arm so his sleeve would move and he could check his watch, "—twenty minutes?"

I felt my face heat up, my hand twitching towards my wand. Remus must have noticed this because he bounded towards me, wrapping his arms around me so I couldn't move.

"Get off me, Remus," I said menacingly soft, eyes not leaving James and Sirius. "Get off of me so I can hex these two idiots please."

Did they really think I'd be okay with them having people over to my house? Without my permission? Where my parents live and their belongings reside? Were they really that idiotic to think I'd be down with that?

"'Fraid I can't let you do that, Lily," Remus said, shaking his head. "Best friends and all that. I'd like to keep them around for the next twenty years or so."

"I think you'll be fine really," I reasoned. "You'll meet a nice girl, settle down, forget all about these two bloody wankers."

"Language, Lilykins," Sirius sung, earning an elbow from James.

"Not now, Padfoot," James warned under his breath.

"Yes, Padfoot," I said patronizingly, "not the time to antagonize the girl that wants to grow your toenails ten times their length and hang you off the roof by them."

Sirius' eyes widened. "Awfully graphic, Lily flower."

"Remus, please," I begged, letting my head fall back on his shoulder and staring up at him pleadingly. "Please, just one shot. Let me turn his hair blue or boils all over his face. _Please, _Remus."

"I—"

"Lily, really, it'll be fine," James said quickly, even having the gull to smile at me. "We invited Alice and Frank, too. I know how much you miss them. You said so in your last letter."

"She wrote you?" Sirius frowned, clearly confused.

My face turn red. "I—I only had a question about—"

"We've been talking since school ended for the holidays," James answered. I tried to ignore the hint of pride in his voice. "Is that a problem, Paddy?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes at James' defensiveness. "I don't know, Prongs. Is it?"

"Enough," Remus said calmly. "Lily, I'm going to let you go but I need you to try not to hex our friends, okay?"

"They're _not _my—"

"Lily."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine."

"Thank you." He let go of me, taking a step back. James and Sirius reacted at the same time, huddling next to each other and eyeing me wearily, unsure if I'd still hurt them or not.

"Keep your pants on," I glared, moving around the kitchen table to grab my journal. If people were going to come over then I might as well get a start on hiding all of my family's valuables from the hands of all my classmates.

* * *

><p>The "few" people that James and Sirius invited predictably turned into every person in our year along with a few that weren't. There was so much foot traffic that I ended up just leaving the front door open and letting people come in at their leisure. I was resigned to my fate hours ago and felt no more drive to fight this inevitability.<p>

Remus helped me lock all of my parents more meaningful items in a trunk and put it in the tree house that my dad built for Petunia and me when we were little girls. I didn't trust these kids to respect my house and didn't feel like staying up all night repairing things for when my parents decided to come home.

"Evans," Sirius said, whistling. He met me at the staircase and held out his hand for me to take as I descended the stairs from my bedroom. "That dress is positively _magical._"

I looked down at the black dress that I had borrowed from my sister's closet and laughed. "It's too tight. I'm not quite my sister's size but I didn't have anything nice."

"Trust me, babe, it looks great," Sirius grinned. I rolled my eyes, though slightly pleased, and allowed him to take me further into the party. Fortunately, I recognized most of the people in my house—except the few that must've been exclusive friends of Sirius or James. There were a couple of boys I didn't know huddled near the fireplace, whispering and throwing glances over to Frank and Alice on the other side of the room.

"Sirius," I whispered, frowning. "Who are those guys?"

Sirius turned his head to see what I was talking about and narrowed his eyes. "Those two blokes that were friends of Caradoc's—you know, James' cousin. I think their names are Travers and Selwyn. I didn't invite them though."

"Do you think James did?"

Sirius shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe Caradoc brought them."

There was something about the two boys—their demeanor or shifty glances perhaps—that left me feeling uneasy of their presence. I continued to watch them out of the corner of my eye as Sirius lead me outside.

As soon as I stepped onto our porch, a tall blonde girl got up from her perch on a boy's lap and extracted me from Sirius.

"Marlene," I laughed as she dragged me away from a very confused Sirius Black. "What's wrong?"

"What's this I heard about you keeping correspondence with James Potter?" My best friend demanded.

"Who told you that?"

"I heard from Emmeline who I think heard from Remus—never mind that," Marlene said impatiently. "Explain yourself, Lily."

"Why does it matter? I've written him back a couple times is all. It's not the end of the world."

"It might as well be!"

"You're overreacting, Mar," I sighed. I glanced at the group of people sitting around the porch and lowered my voice. "It's not like I can't be his friend, alright? I spent so much time fighting a battle that didn't belong to me. They might be pricks but…they're not that bad. Funny sometimes."

Marlene eyed me suspiciously for a moment before shifting into her usual mischievous smile, grabbing my hand. "Let's get pissed."

It was the first time I had seen Mary or Marlene in what seemed like months when in reality it was only a few days since I had last seen my best mates. Back at Hogwarts, Mary, Marlene, and I shared a dorm with two other girls, Dorcas Meadowes and Emmeline Vanity. It was weird going from seeing people every day to seeing them every once in a while.

Mary had been regaling us with tales from her week in South America and I smiled over the lip of my butter beer as she explained a particularly interesting story about her, a vampire, and a paddle boat.

"And then he just swam away!" She finished, giggling.

Marlene rolled her eyes good naturedly, leaning forward to grab the bottle of whiskey off the table between all of us.

"You should go on abroad more often, Mary."

"Oh don't take the piss, Mar," Mary laughed, shoving Marlene's arm and nearly getting whiskey all over the front of Marlene's sparkly top.

"Watch it, MacDonald!"

I threw my head back, laughing as Marlene and Mary glared at one another, glad that some things really don't change. Their relationship had always been like this, always arguing over the dumbest, silliest things; but no matter what we'd always been mates.

"Oh," Marlene grinned, leaning towards me. "I forgot to tell you. Our dear Dorky has a boy now."

I quirked a brow. "Really? Huh. Who's the bloke?"

"Dunno," Marlene shrugged. "She met him when she was interning with her dad at the ministry."

"He works Magical Law Enforcement, right?"

"Something like that. But anyway, she met him when she was delivering a message upstairs to someone bigger in the department—"

"—thought they had owls for that—"

"—and they've been together ever since. No idea how the poor chav isn't bored of her Hogwarts stories though. Know for a fact that all she does is talk about her school work and her future with him. Probably thinks he could give her a leg up on the competition when she wants to become an auror."

"Dorcas? An auror?" I said incredulously. "I didn't realize she was the type."

Marlene shrugged again. "She's powerful is all I know. And smart as anything, too."

"Bit self involved," Mary added, glowering into her cup.

"Oh, Mary, you really need to get over that. It was fourth year," Marlene said, patting Mary's leg. Mary narrowed her eyes, moving out of the way so Marlene couldn't touch her.

It was right before the end of fourth year when Mary snogged Richard Davies at a party we had in the common room. She had Sirius sneak him in specifically for herself and the second she turned her back to get a drink, Dorcas had swooped in and took Richard for herself. Mary hadn't forgotten it seemed.

"She was doing you a favor now that I think about it," I said, trying not to smile. "I heard that Davies cried in sixth year when James nearly knocked him over his broom and stole the championship."

Mary wrinkled her nose. "I heard the same thing."

Barely a beat passed before all of us doubled over in hysterics, picturing Richard Davies moaning into his pillow after the Gryffindor's won it all over him.

* * *

><p>"No more, no more!" I pleaded, laughing so hard that my stomach started to hurt. Some beer came out of the top of my bottle as I waved it in front of me, trying to ward off Remus and Sirius, who were grinning at me. "I can't handle anymore shots!"<p>

"Aw, c'mon, Lily flower," Sirius pleaded, falling to his knees dramatically and putting his hands together as if in prayer. "It's so much more fun when you do it!"

"Just one," Remus added as he poured three more shots respectively for Sirius, himself, and me. Rolling my eyes but smiling, I accepted it when Sirius passed it to me and tilted my head back to allow the amber liquid trail down my throat like fire, warming myself from the inside out.

A group of us—Marlene, Sirius, Remus, Emmeline, Mary, Frank, Alice, James, and I—had moved to the basement when the party had become too rowdy. Luckily, Sirius had the foresight to enable a few charms to keep away any muggles and authorities or I would have already been in a mountain of trouble one hour in.

It wasn't as bad as I expected; actually, it was a welcome change to sitting in my sunroom and reading old textbooks. People were happy to see one another, feeling the effects of a long summer away from Hogwarts already. And as Sirius and Remus pumped more alcohol into me, all of the tension had gone, leaving no more anxiety and misgivings behind.

"Let's play spin the bottle!" Emmeline said suddenly, hiccupping slightly. She crawled to the center of the circle and placed her empty butter beer on the floor. "Who wants to go first!"

I was smiling at Mary, who was openly glaring at Emmeline, when something caught my eye. There was a flash of white, less than a second before it was gone, on the other side of the small window at the top of one of the walls that looked out onto the front of the house. It looked vaguely familiar, reminded me of something, or some_one_, but—

"Lily goes because she's the host," Marlene demanded, pointing her glass towards me.

"Okay," I said as I tore my eyes away from the window and crawled over to the center. I reached out to grab hold of the bottle as Peter and Mary giggled, Remus wiggling to sit up straighter with his hands still in his pockets.

The alcohol made me feel looser, freer, and I didn't mind anymore. It wasn't often that I let myself having any fun—either too worried about school work or keeping my parents happy—and I was happier than I've been in months.

I gripped the bottle, moving it to the side and letting go as I twisted my hand in a forward motion. Sitting back on my knees, I watched the brown glass bottle whirl on the floor, fast before slowly coming to a stop. I looked up to see where it had landed and felt my heart stop, heard the collective sharp intakes of breath as everyone realized what just happened.

James.


	2. Chapter 2--James and Severus

_James_

My heart dropped when the bottle came to a complete stop, the nose pointing directly at me. I met Lily's stunned gaze and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. Running a hand through my hair, I forced a tight smile.

This isn't how I wanted this to happen. I wanted Lily to want to kiss me—not feel forced to because of some juvenile party game.

"Go on then," Sirius sighed, bored. "Hurry up and get it over with."

"Erm—" I started to say but stopped when Lily started crawling towards me, surprising me.

She looked calm, though her green eyes showed something else entirely—for a moment, it seemed like she was actually nervous. Lily didn't stop until she was mere inches from my face; I tried not to focus on her lips and tried to calm my nerves.

"Be brave, James," She whispered before closing her mouth over mine. I felt myself melt into her, relaxing instantly, and I didn't care where we were or why we were doing this.

I was actually kissing Lily Evans.

One of my hands found it's way in the hair at the nape of her neck, the other touching the side of her face; my heart nearly jumped out of my chest when she responded to my touch, leaning her face into my hand more. It wasn't until someone cleared their throat somewhere in the room that I remembered where I was.

Lily's face was bright red when she pulled away, quickly moving back to her seat between Dorcas and Remus across from me in the circle. I felt eyes on me and all I could do was smile into my lap, happier than I'd been in months.

"James, your turn," Frank said, pulling me out of my head.

Confused, I looked up and frowned. "My turn?"

"Yeah, you have to spin," said Frank, amused.

"Oh." I chanced a glance at Lily but she looked rather ill, her head on Remus' shoulder. I smashed my teeth, trying not to be irrational, and reached out to spin the bottle as Lily had.

I watched the bottle slow to a complete stop, looking up to meet Marlene's surprised expression.

"I don't—" She started to say but stopped when a small moan escaped Lily's lips. My head snapped to her just as she clutched her stomach and ran out of the room.

Marlene and Alice were the first to follow her out. Helplessly, I watched them disappear down the hall that led to the basement loo.

Sirius got to his feet and scooped the bottle from the ground. "Game over," He announced.

Everyone had gone to rejoin the party upstairs except for Remus, Sirius, and me. I was nursing another beer while Sirius tried to beat Remus in a game of Wizard's Chess, something he'd yet to do without cheating.

"They've been a while," I said, trying to be casual.

"I guess," Remus shrugged as he moved his knight and capturing yet another one of Sirius'. Sirius groaned, banging his head against his forehead.

I ran a hand through my hair, tugging at it slightly. "Do you think she's okay?"

"She just had too much to drink," Sirius mumbled, scanning the board as he debated what to do next. But as soon as he moved his pawn, Remus moved another knight and captured that pawn. "FUCKING HELL."

"I think I'll go check on her," I said, moving to the edge of the couch and picking at a hole in a cushion. "I should go, right?"

"If you want," Sirius said impatiently, waving me off.

"Yeah, yeah, I think I will," I said, more to myself than to them. Both of them ignored me as I walked down the hallway towards the bathroom Lily and the girls were locked in. There were pictures of her lining the walls—her on the playground, her with her sister, her with her mum and dad. Pictures like a timeline of Lily's life from infancy laid out before me.

Except, something was off about the newer ones; unlike the pictures from the start, with her toothless smile and red pigtails, these told a different story. Her smile was dimmer, her eyes flat, and the tall blonde girl next to her wasn't even touching Lily. She didn't even pretend to smile.

I moved further down the hall until I reached the door, about to knock until I heard my name.

"Lily, do you have feelings for James?"

Oh, shit.

I held my breath, holding my ear to the door, straining to hear better.

"What are you on about, Marlene?" I heard Lily snap.

"When you were kissing—"

"It was a game," She said sharply. "It was a stupid bloody game and I've had too much to drink."

"But it looked—"

"Looked like what?"

"Well, it looked like you enjoyed it is all," Marlene said causally.

I felt myself start to smile, validated in feeling like I wasn't the only one who _felt_ something—

"What do you want, Mar?" Lily said sharply. I felt my face drop. "Do you want me to say I'm attracted to him? Yes, James is attractive. You'd have to be blind not to see that! But I do _not _like him. I barely tolerate him."

"And then you got sick when—"

"I've had too much to drink! I could _never _have feelings for a bullying jerk like James Potter!"

That was the last thing I heard before I turned my back on the door and returned to my friends, Lily's voice playing in my head over and over again.

* * *

><p><em>Severus <em>

_"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."_

I hadn't spoken to her since that night by her common room. That was nearly two years ago. But her voice still played in my head, her last words to me before she walked out of my life.

There were a lot of things that I missed about Lily—the way her forehead wrinkled when she studied for exams or the way she laughed when something was _really _funny. The way her eyes got impossibly greener when she spoke about things she was patient about or when she smiled despite herself sometimes.

But as I watched her, laughing with _him_, kissing _him, _I felt something akin to rage burn inside of me at her betrayal. Nick told me to stake out the house because I knew it so well but the last thing I expected to see was her do something like that. She knew how I felt about him. How could she not have known?

If Lily was going to do this to me then she'd have to face the consequences of her actions. If she wouldn't honor our friendship then neither was I.

"Well?" Nick said as I walked into the room where a few of them were playing Exploding Snaps. "What are the mudbloods and blood traitors getting up to?"

"I think we should call Lucius," I said as I sat down next to Avery, folding my arms over my chest. "I saw Travers and Selwyn in there."

"Were they enjoying the company?" Alecto snorted as Nick went to call for Lucius in the other room.

"I don't know but it's worth investigating," I shrugged. "Who knows if they've switched over."

"I heard from Bella that they were on a special mission," Regulus said quietly from his perch by the door. He'd been over there all evening writing some sort of letter to someone named "A." "I don't think it's our business to intervene."

"Your brother was there, Black," I said casually, watching him out of the corner of my eye. "Fancy joining him?"

Regulus' face turned bright red as he glared at me. "Sod off, Severus."

"Regulus, your cousins are coming with Lucius," Nick announced when he came back into the room. I watched as the younger boy's face turned white and he quickly shoved the parchment he had been writing on in the pocket of his robes.

I would have said something, too, if the sudden appearance of Lucius and the two Black sisters had not distracted me. The loud pop that announced their presence had us all at attention.

Getting to my feet, I extended my hand to Lucius, which he accepted and shook once.

"Fine job, Severus," He said happily, patting me on the back. "The Dark Lord will be pleased."

"Cissy," Regulus said, accepting the hug from his pretty, blonde cousin. "I thought that Travers and Selwyn were doing the Dark Lord's work?"

She touched his cheek, smiling lovingly down at him. "They are, dear boy. That's not why we're here."

"The Dark Lord wants Sirius," Bellatrix said, surveying her nails with her heavy lidded eyes. Regulus edged away from her and Narcissa wrapped a protective arm around him. It was always in her nature to be motherly, though she lacked the compassion that their third sister, Andromeda, always had. "And it was time he made himself useful and redeemed himself."

"But Sirius is no longer a Black," Reg said flatly. It was no secret that he was disappointed that things turned so sour with his older brother. I was aware that there had been a time that Regulus believed his brother to have hung the moon and the stars. But it seemed Regulus no longer had patience for his blood traitor brother.

"He proves to be most worthy of the Dark Lord and the Dark Lord's plans," Bellatrix said, waving her hand dismissively at him. "His indiscretion can be overlooked."

"But—"

"You," Bella said suddenly, pointing at Alecto. "Bring me something to drink. Now."

Alecto scrambled to his feet, his chair falling backwards behind me, and he hurried up the stairs to the small kitchen. Nick rolled his eyes before turning his attention to Lucius.

"What's the plan then, Lucius?" He asked eagerly, awe in his eye as he looked at Lucius. I felt sorry for him; he'd get nowhere if he was content being someone else's lapdog.

Lucius waved his wand so Alecto's chair stood erect again, unbuttoning his suit coat as he sat down. "We will wait for reinforcements before attacking the house and capturing the Black boy. We will take anyone else who proves valuable and kill those who do not."

"How are you Regulus?" Cissy asked happily, still holding onto her young cousin. "Are you enjoying your holiday? You haven't visited us at the manor yet."

"I've been going around with Nick," Regulus mumbled, clearly embarrassed that Cissy was giving him so much attention in front of his peers. Obviously he was oblivious of the jealous looks Avery and Nick were giving him. Even Lucius was starting to look uncomfortable.

But no one said anything. And no one would say anything because the Blacks were too valuable. "The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black" was one of the most undiluted, richest families connected to the movement and most of their members joined the Dark Lord as soon as they were of age—all of which becoming his favorites and most loyal servants.

"Well you _must _come over this weekend, yeah?" Cissy beamed, kissing his cheek again.

"Okay," He muttered, eyes flickering to Lucius.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Cissy, leave the boy alone. He doesn't need you doting on him."

"If I don't then no one will," Narcissa said, holding her chin up. "You could show our favorite cousin a bit more affection from time to time, Bella."

"Right," Bellatrix snorted as Alecto hurried back down the stairs, nearly losing his footing as he reached the bottom. He offered Bellatrix the glass of what appeared to be pumpkin juice and she gave him a disdainful look before accepting it.

My thoughts strayed back to Lily as we waited for the others that Lucius was talking about. When we first got off the train a week ago, I had tried to speak with her, to maybe even ride back home together in one of the muggle cars she liked to take when we were on holiday. I didn't see her parents and assumed that they'd planned to meet her at home this year. It was the perfect opportunity.

But then _he_ walked up to her, with his stupid hair and stupid smirk, handing her a folded up piece of parchment. Much to my glee, she narrowed her eyes at it before reluctantly accepting it from him. She didn't even say goodbye before turning away and rejoining her friends. I had thought that, that was all that interaction would amount to be.

But that letter must have held more than I thought seeing as Lily didn't mind kissing him in front of all their _friends. _She was making such a fool out of herself—drinking all of that alcohol, acting like a maniac. It made me sick to watch. That was not my Lily.


	3. Chapter 3--Lily

_Lily _

Only Remus knew what I meant when I had asked for a ginger ale so I was currently in the kitchen as he poured me a glass, clutching my head in my hands and moaning.

"There, there," Remus said soothingly, rubbing my back and handing me the cool glass.

I grabbed it gratefully, taking a long sip. "Thank you, Remus," I sighed, leaning my head against his chest.

"It's my fault you're like this; I shouldn't have bullied you like that to drink more."

"No, no, I'm capable of speaking up if I want to. I don't have to do things I don't want to."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Like kissing James?"

I shook my head, pressing my forehead against the island counter and groaning. The last thing I wanted to talk about was James and that stupid kiss.

"Look, Lily, I—" A flash of light followed by a scream and a crash from the living room startled the both of us, and I lifted my head just as Remus ran into the other room. Grabbing my glass, I got to my feet and followed after him.

As soon as I stepped into the other room, I dropped my glass, shards of glass glass and soda pooling at my feet—students were screaming, pulling out their wands and running out of the way, a sizeable hole in my living room wall that looked as if it had been blasted through. Two students that I didn't recognize lay unconscious on my carpet and immediately, I pulled out my own wand. I was all but sober now, adrenaline pumping.

"What the hell is happening?" I yelled over the hysteria, grabbing Dorcas' arm as she ran past me.

There was a trickle of blood coming from her lip, her fancy blouse ripped at the arm. "We were all dancing," She panted as I wiped the blood off with my thumb. "We were dancing and all of a sudden there was a flash of light through the windows. We didn't even have a chance to react before they blasted through the wall and started attacking from outside."

"Where's the others?" I asked, panicking now. The fact that my house was destroyed meant absolute nothing as long as my friends were running around with Death Eaters around.

"I think James went upstairs with Sirius, and Frank and Alice ran outside," said Dorcas, near tears now.

"Go to the basement and apparate out, okay? Where you can concentrate," I said, clutching her shoulders, in prefect mode now. "Tell everyone to go to the basement and anyone who is of age needs to take someone who's not. Okay? Can you do that? The basement won't be as hectic"

She nodded frantically, tears steaming down her face. I pulled her into my arms and squeezed her.

"Be brave, Dorcas," I whispered. "And be safe."

"Don't do anything stupid, Lily," Dorcas begged before disappearing into the crowd of people.

I pushed past people, craning my neck to find my friends. I was about to run outside when I stopped short, a man in a mask approaching me with his wand out.

"_Cruc—"_

_"Stupefy!" _I screamed, a blast of red light flying out of my wand, hitting the figure. I watched as his body flew into the air and landed with a thud near the garden. I didn't wait to see him get up before taking off again, dodging spells as I went. A head of messy black hair caught my eye and I changed my course, pushing myself faster. "James!"

Automatically, James wrapped his arm around me as I rammed into his chest, his wand out as he hit another Death Eater. "Blimey, Evans, if you wanted us to leave you just had to ask!"

"James, where are the others?" I asked, ignoring his joke. Only James would find humor at a time like this.

"Peter got hit by something nasty so Marlene and Sirius hurried him back into the house. Remus, Frank, and Alice are fighting," James explained. "I think Mary went to find you."

I didn't get the chance to respond as two Death Eaters converged on us. In one swift movement, I turned so I was back to back with James and hit another Death Eater with a curse.

"Nice shot, Evans!" James laughed before hitting another one on his own.

"We can't hold them off for long; we're not strong enough," I said breathlessly, pulling James' down as a hex flew over our heads. "We're too young to battle these many Death Eaters."

"What kind of mindset is that?" James scolded. "We're Gryffindor's!"

"We're children!" I snapped. It was the same 'brave at heart' speech all over again—being in a house didn't mean you were everything that house stood for. A house didn't define who you were as a person, no matter what everyone likes to think.

"Lily, you're scaring me," James said, turning his head slightly to look at me. "This isn't the time to lose your head."

"C'mon," I said, grabbing his hand. Keeping our heads down, we raced back through the throng of dueling people and back into the house. I scanned the room, trying to find one of my friends in the mess of people. My house was all but destroyed at this point, from curses or the damage from the party. It was so far gone that I had no idea how I'd be able to fix this, if I had the chance to fix this.

"Lily—"

"I have an idea," I said suddenly as I came to a halt. James still held onto my hand, frowning down at me. "We'll get them in the house and burn it down."

His hazel eyes widened "Excuse me?"

"The house, we'll burn it down while they're inside," I repeated, pulling him out of the way as Walter Peakes and Sturgis Podmore ran by, both of which supporting an unconscious Chirag Patil. "It's too far gone already and my parents wanted to sell the place anyways when I graduate. We just have to evacuate everyone as quickly as we can."

James looked unsure but nodded anyways. "Okay. Okay, let's do it."

"Thank you, James," I smiled, squeezing his hand.

"You didn't call me Potter," He grinned. I rolled my eyes, still smiling, and he winked at me before pointing his wand at his throat. "_Everyone calm down," _His voice boomed throughout the house. Almost immediately, everyone around us came to a stop and looked to James, the distant sound of fighting still audible from outside of the house.

"Guys, we need everyone to leave out of the house through the basement. It'll be calmer down there and you guys won't be splinched," I said, raising my voice so I could be heard. Suddenly, James grabbed onto me by the waist and put me up on a couch that was turned over. "If everyone could just be as organized as possible and follow those who have already disapparated out downstairs then we can get out of here faster. Okay? Those who can, please bring someone who can't with you."

"When the last person is gone, Dirk, can you inform someone? And if you see Sirius, Remus, Peter, Mary, and Marlene, tell them to meet us outside?" James asked the mousy hair boy to his left, who nodded. "Brilliant. NOW EVERYONE GO!"

In awe, I watched as everyone broke up as soon as the words left James' mouth. People flowed down the stairs in ordered chaos and in less than five minutes, the room was cleared.

"Now what?" James asked me as he helped me back to my feet. "Should we save the pictures?"

I shook my head. "No time. I packed away all of the things I thought my parents would miss before the party."

"And your things?"

"I never unpacked," I said sheepishly, scratching my nose. "I was going to stay with Mary for a bit starting next week."

"Right," James said awkwardly. He pointed his wand towards the ceiling, mumbling something under his breath. "I sent it off. Let's go."

Grabbing my hand, we ran back out into the battle outside where we found Frank and Alice battling three Death Eaters on their own. There was still at least ten other students fighting, all of which Gryffindor's in our year, and for a moment, I let myself feel proud that I knew these people. Not many students would be willing to sacrifice their lives like this when they could have easily left.

James waved his wand, sending a Death Eater flying just as Frank and Alice hit the other two. When we approached them, I gripped Alice's arms.

"We're going to set the house on fire," I breathed, heart beating erratically in my chest. "We have to get everyone together inside and when the Death Eaters come in after us, we'll set the house on fire and disapparate out."

"But—"

"Alice, I don't care about the house. I don't give a damn about the place," I insisted, knowing what she was going to say before she said it. The concern in her eyes said it all. "My parents will think it's an accident and I'll pretend I was staying at a friend's house."

"What if it spreads?" Frank asked.

"It won't."

"How do you know that?"

"Because we have magic, Longbottom. Get with the program here," James said before I could.

"James!" I heard Dirk call and James grabbed my hand again, leading us back into the house while Frank and Alice got the others. "Everyone's out of the basement and Sirius and them are sitting inside waiting."

"You're ace, Cresswell," James grinned, patting the boy's shoulder. "Go on and get home, mate."

I let go of James' hand and embraced Dirk, kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you, Dirk," I smiled.

"Stay safe, you lot," Dirk mumbled, looking flustered. He didn't hesitate before turning on the spot and disappearing with a pop.

"James, why is this happening?" Sirius demanded as soon as we joined them in the living room. James opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by the sudden appearance of Frank and everyone who was outside.

"Alice charmed a swamp in the garden so they're momentarily held off," Frank explained. "We have to go now."

"You know the drill, mates, grab onto those who can't, and those who can't, find someone who can," James instructed. Marlene moved to hold my hand but James shook his head, holding up our entwined hands. "I've got this one, Mar. Take Remus, will you?"

"C'mon, McKinnon," Remus said, holding his hand out for her.

She looked at me questioningly for a moment before accepting his hand, disappearing a second later. Sirius pulled James into a rough embrace before grabbing onto Peter and following suit. Soon everyone else was gone except for James and I, and I held my wand out with a shaky hand.

_"Reducto,"_ I screamed and nearly fell backwards from the force of the spell.

"Brilliant," James whispered, looking impressed at the giant gap in my back wall. I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down behind a sofa. "Really and truly."

"They'll be coming once the smoke clears and they're sure it's safe," I muttered, shaking my head. I started to roll up my sleeve before nodding my head at James so he'd do the same. "Here, give me your arm."

James frowned but allowed me to grab hold of his arm anyways. "What ya need my arm for?"

"This." I didn't hesitate before pushing the sleeve further up his arm and muttering a charm that sliced a tiny cut into his forearm.

"Bloody hell," He roared, pulling away from me. "What was that for?"

I didn't answer him immediately, repeating the same spell as I pointed at my own wand and let the blood drip out on the carpet around me. "Do what I do; they'll be here any minute."

"Then you better explain yourself, Evans," James said, pressing his bleeding arm with his thumb.

I rolled my eyes. "This way it'll look like we've been hurt and maybe they'll think we were killed before the house went up."

"Oh," James mumbled, stretching out to let the blood pool at his feet. We only just had time to stop the bleeding when we heard raised voices, saw spells shooting over out heads again.

"Brilliant," I said dryly, moving to get on my knees. I peaked over the couch to find a group of masked figures charging into my house, ducking back down when one of them looked in our direction. "Shall we?"

"Let's go," James nodded, reaching for my hand. Together, we turned in place and dematerialized with a loud _pop_, just as a shot of fire hit the couch.

* * *

><p>There wasn't much left of my house when I went back to retrieve the things I was able to stow away in the tree house. I knew that there would have been a chance that they'd end up burning the place; it was their signature move after all. Except this time, I made sure that there would be no deaths to leave the Mark for.<p>

My parents were far more concerned that I was okay than about the house when I spoke on the phone with them about it. I had to end the call early though because the guilt became to be too much; this was the first time my being a witch had affected my parents in a negative way, and I had the haunting feeling that it wouldn't the last time.

It was odd though; a week ago, I thought that I'd feel better once I left my childhood home, the reminder that I'd never have the life I thought I wanted. But somehow, I felt empty. I had no more connections to a life that I had when I was a child. When times were simple and I didn't need to worry about things like dying because of who my parents were.

Mary asked her parents if I could stay with them for the rest of the holiday because of the "accident" at my house; so I had all but moved into the top bunk in Mary's bedroom. Her parents said that I could stay as long as I needed to.

There was a lot of speculation about the attack at Lily Evan's party; some people believed it to be the act of bored Death Eater sympathizers whereas others thought it was a planned attack on a house full of blood traitor's children and muggle borns. The only person who didn't seem to have an opinion was me.

"I just don't care," I said for what seemed like the hundredth time. Marlene, Mary, and I were at the Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor where Alice had said to meet her. Her and Frank were renting out a flat at Diagon Alley, wanting to be close to the thick of things as they went through their Auror Training for the Ministry. "I don't know why they attacked us and I don't want to know."

"You're not the least bit interested?" Marlene pushed, swirling her spoon in her sundae.

"No. I'm not," I said flatly.

"Well I am," Mary added. "I mean, the party was so last minute. How could it have been a planned attack? And Sirius put up enchantments so no one would find us out."

"What about Travers? And that guy he was with, Stevens or something rather—"

"Selwyn," I corrected patiently.

Marlene snapped her fingers, nodding. "Yeah, that's it. I heard from Dirk that they were Death Eater sympathizers or something and that Doc only keeps them around because they all grew up together."

"I don't know," Mary frowned. "I didn't think they'd do something like that."

"You don't know them, Mary," Marlene rolled her eyes.

"Well neither do you!"

"Yeah but I know Doc. And I know he wouldn't bring 'round a couple of Death Eaters to a party full of underage wizards."

"We're not all underage," Mary muttered under her breath.

I looked out the window while my two best friends fought, trying to hold myself together. The truth was that I had a feeling I knew who had informed the Death Eaters about us and it wasn't Caradoc's friends.

A few days before the party, I went outside to the garden to maintain my mum's flowers when I thought I saw a familiar head of dark hair disappear behind a tree near my neighbor's yard. But when I went to investigate, there was no one there.

And then that face in the window…it didn't sit well with me. Something nagged at the back of my mind, leaving me unsettled and frustrated.

Even though I wanted nothing to do with Severus anymore, I didn't want to believe that he had anything to do with this. But it was like I couldn't come up with reasons to defend him like I used to anymore. The further he got into his Dark Arts, the less I found him credible.

"Lily, did you even hear me."

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, blinking at Marlene.

She rolled her eyes. "I _said_, you and James seemed pretty cozy during the attack. I thought you said you'd _never _have feelings for a—what was it? A bullying jerk like James Potter?"

"It wasn't like that," I insisted. "He was the first person I found and we didn't want to lose another in the chaos."

"Right," Marlene smirked before popping her spoon into her mouth.

"I'm serious!"

"Sure," Mary said, placating me.

I glared at the pair of them. "I need better friends."

"What was that, Lilykins?" Alice teased as she dropped down in the empty seat next to me.

"Finally," I sighed dramatically, pushing a sundae over to her. "These two wanks have been bullying me all morning."

Alice reached over to pinch my cheek and I swatted her away. "Aw, don't be like that, Flower."

"Enough with nicknames," I snapped, musing her hair to get her off of me. "You're worse than Sirius now."

"So why did you want to meet us here, Prewett?" Marlene prompted as she watched Alice ruffle her short hair back into place.

"Oh that. Frank and I got into a row."

"What?" The other three of us said in unison.

Alice rolled her eyes, playing with her ice cream. "He said I'm not serious enough about the war. Like I wasn't there the other night or something. Like I didn't see how far they were willing to go."

"So you think it was really Death Eaters then?" Mary asked. "Not just sympathizers playing around."

"They were using Unforgivable Curses, Mary," Alice said, shaking her head. "I don't think mere sympathizers would do that, especially not to a bunch of kids."

"Does the Ministry know about the attack?" Marlene asked, clearly interested in what Alice had to say. I tried not to roll my eyes.

Alice shrugged. "If they do they're not doing much about it. But that's the thing, innit? The Ministries willing to turn a blind eye as long as the money keeps rolling in. As if everyone doesn't already knows the Blacks are bad news and yet Orion Black has lunch with the Minister every Wednesday and Friday. It doesn't make sense."

"Aw and how is dear old dad?" The girls looked up to see Sirius Black looming over them, his hair pulled into a bun at the back of his head. In his leather jacket and jeans, he looked like a bad boy muggle rather than the pureblood wizard he was.

"As elitist as ever," Alice sighed as Sirius pulled up a chair, bringing Lily's melting ice cream towards himself. "Why aren't you at the Potter's?"

Sirius swallowed the ice cream he just put in his mouth before answering. "Apparently when my uncle died, he had left me a bit of gold when I turned seventeen. Reckon I ought to move out of the Potter's and rent a flat," Sirius shrugged. "I just came back from picking up the keys to the place actually."

"Sirius," Lily frowned, turning her attention to him. "Is it—is it your birthday?"

He shrugged again. "Happy eighteenth and all that."

"Blimey, Black!" Marlene scolded, shoving his arm. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well I'm not one for a party seeing as none of us have recovered from the last," Sirius snorted. "James, Remus, Peter, and I were just going to hit the pub tonight and have a little celebration amongst ourselves. You ladies are more than welcomed to join us though. Frank, too, Alice."

"I'll pass the invitation along," Alice mumbled, stabbing her sundae with a lot more venom than needed. Sirius ignored her though.

"Speaking of which," He was saying, turning to me. "Evans, you've failed to respond to any of our letters this week. Why is that?"

I felt my face heat up as I fumbled for some type of excuse. The fact of the matter was I had been ignoring James for some time and felt it would have been awkward if I had replied to one of his friends without giving him a response as well. So I had a small pile of Marauder letters next to my trunk that had only been getting bigger as the week went by with no response form me.

"I've been busy," I finally decided to say, not meeting Sirius' eyes. I tugged at a piece of hair that hung down to my lap and hoped he'd leave it at that.

But, of course, it was Sirius that I was talking to.

"Rubbish," He snorted. "You've been ignoring Prongs."

"Who's Prongs?" Mary frowned, looking from Sirius to me.

No one other than myself knew about the Marauder's nicknames for each other since I was the only one besides themselves who was privy to their _furry, _little secret. Remus had told me at the end of last term when I had asked if he was feeling alright and I had sworn to keep his secret since. And from that time, I was allowed into a part of their exclusive group that no one else had ever been before, solely for my loyalties to Remus. I'd have been lying if I didn't think that was sort of an honor.

Sirius' stare didn't waver, however, mine did. I smiled weakly at Mary. "Sirius's just taking the piss is all."

"But—"

"Leave it, Mary," Marlene sighed. "It's best to just not question it."

* * *

><p>Despite my resistance, Mary and Marlene managed to convince me to come out that night and meet the boys back at Diagon Alley. Alice, the lucky witch, had Auror Training obligations and bowed out but I hadn't fared as well; in fact, I was even forced into one of Mary's more revealing dresses since all of mine had been destroyed with the majority of my muggle clothing.<p>

"Mercy, Evans," Sirius whistled as we approached the booth the boys held court at. He climbed out and kissed me on the cheek, smelling like pine, toothpaste, and whiskey. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were my birthday present."

"It's a good thing you know better than," I said, smiling brightly, as I patted his cheek and slid into the booth next to Remus.

"You look lovely, Lily," He smiled, handing me a glass of water. "How's Mary's?"

I shrugged. "The MacDonald's are always so nice, so welcoming. They never make me feel like a bother or a burden."

"But it's not home," Remus added wisely.

"I don't regret the decision I made," I said quietly, picking at one of the fringes that hung off the skirt of the dress. "Not at all really. I knew that I had to distract them long enough so we could all escape. But I didn't think I'd feel so…so empty. So lost. Home was always that safety net that I guess I depended on in case everything went South when I was out on my own."

"And now that's not there anymore."

I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, it's not."

"Lily Evans!" barked Sirius, brandishing his whiskey in the air. Some of it managed to slip out the side and Mary made a disgruntled noise as it got on her dress. "Enough with the somber voices and depressing talks! It is _my _birthday and I demand everyone be happy!"

"Thought you didn't care much for celebrations this year, Black," Marlene said dryly; James snorted into his cup, earning an elbow to the side courtesy of the birthday boy himself.

James grunted. "Oi, Sirius, watch it, babe."

"Sorry, James-y," Sirius said, putting an arm around James' shoulders and bringing him closer so he could plant a wet kiss on the side of his face.

"Get a room," Remus laughed, shaking his head. I tried to be discreet as I giggled into my hand but managed to catch Sirius' attention anyways.

His eyes flashed with mirth, a slow grin spreading on his face. "What do you say, James?" He asked, still looking at me. "Who's the better snog: me or Evans?"

I choked on my drink, eyes watering, just as James managed to, too.

"I—" He started to cough out but I cut him off.

"Sod off, Black," I snapped before taking another sip from my water to calm down.

"What are you playing at, Sirius?" Remus frowned. Peter shook his head, looking miserable, as Sirius leaned forward, his grin turning cynical now.

"I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about, Remus dear," Sirius said mockingly. "Just having a bit of fun."

"Sirius," Peter said warningly but he went ignored.

"Why is _everyone _so _boring _today?" Sirius laughed, stumbling to his feet. "This is supposed to be _my _birthday!"

"Sirius," James said, moving to follow him out of the booth.

Sirius tilted his head back as he drained the rest of his glass, making a satisfied nose when he drank the last drop. "I mean, we only have one year left as kids and then what? Then we _have _to be serious. But where's the fun in that? Adult things and mortgages and babies and marriage. I can't even imagine what next week will be like, forget the next ten years—"

"Sirius, please," James said pleadingly but like everyone else, Sirius wasn't listening.

"—And now I have my mum coming 'round again, trying to take the money Uncle Alphard's money away from me, and I can't even think straight I'm so fucked," Sirius chuckled darkly, snatching Mary's drink and draining that, too. He stumbled slightly, bracing himself on the table and laughing maniacally. "And my own best friend! Ready to ditch me for some bloody—"

"That's fucking enough," James snapped, getting out of the booth. He stood nose to nose with Sirius and glared down at him, having the advantage by only a few inches. "You've had too much to drink, Sirius. I think it's time to go."

"Excuse me," Remus said under his breath, putting his hand at my side so I'd move. Silently, I moved out of the booth and Remus followed. "Sirius, we'll go back to your flat and open presents, okay? Mum made you some pies as well. She had them sent over just for you."

James didn't waver, continuing to glare down at his best mate. What felt like an eternity passed before Sirius moved, looking around James' lanky figure to smile weakly at Remus.

"Plum?"

Remus nodded, looking relieved. "Yes and cherry."

"She's a saint that woman," Sirius said, his normal self starting to come back. James took a step back, his face still impassive, and looked down at his feet as Remus went to walk Sirius out of the bar. I was so fixated on James that I hadn't notice Peter say goodbye before exiting the booth as well and hurrying after his two friends.

I also didn't notice Marlene and Mary exchange glances before they too got up.

"Lily, we're going to go back over to Alice's now. She should be done with training," Marlene said quietly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

I shook my head, coming to my sense. "Right, yeah, let me just—"

"No, you stay here," Marlene said, smiling softly.

Mary patted my head and gave me a look that I was sure was meant to be significant but I was too confused to catch on.

"Yeah, Lil. I'll wait at Alice's for you," She told me before looping her arm through Marlene's.

"I—" They didn't wait for me to finish my sentence; helplessly, I watched as both of my mates walked out of the pub, not even looking back to wave goodbye before disappearing out the door.

James was silent for another moment before looking over his shoulder to me. "Fancy a walk, Evans?" He asked, sounding tired.

"Now?"

"Yeah. I think I need a walk."

I stared at him, torn between telling him to pull himself together and hugging him for being a good friend to Sirius. If it had been me I wouldn't have had the patience for Sirius' antics, his pity party. James Potter was a lot of things but a bad friend wasn't one of them.

"A walk sounds lovely."

* * *

><p>"Thank you for listening to me," James was saying as we stopped in front of Alice's building. She had been renting out the flat on top of the dress robes shop with Frank. "And I think I will borrow that record you were talking about, thanks."<p>

"It's not a problem," I said, meaning it. There was something so intriguingly tragic about James Potter—the rich boy who seemingly had it all but got so lost in his own thoughts that he had trouble finding his way out. It was a side of James I was seeing much more often now that I wasn't holding anymore grudges and I didn't know what to make of it.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Look," James started to say, his voice low and rough. "I know you don't like me much—now don't give me that look—but I'm glad that we can be…friends now. I've been stupid and I know that, and I hope that I'll make up for it from now on."

"James—"

"And maybe I'll never be able to change your opinion on me but I'll do whatever I can to try to," He continued, building momentum now. I bit back a smile and waited until he was finished. "You never ask for much, Lily, and I don't think you understand how much I respect that about you. I had no right making you listen to me but you never complained, didn't walk away. Truly I don't deserve you."

"Are you quite finished?" I asked, tilting my head to the side and smiling. He shut his mouth and nodded, looking sheepish. "Really, James, I don't mind at all. We're friends. This is what friends do. I'd do it for Mary and Marlene and Remus and even Sirius."

James blinked at me. Slightly embarrassed, I was about to open my mouth to say goodbye when he suddenly wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a hug.

* * *

><p>AN: Hello, everyone who has made it this far! I decided to post the first three chapters instead of just the one because I didn't feel like the first chapter gave enough insight into the direction I plan to take this story. As you can see, we have some Jily moments but like I've said before, they don't make up the whole story. I hope that everyone is okay with the switching of POVs between Lily, James, and Severus because I plan to do that throughout the fic-but don't worry, it'll only be those three :)

I plan to update every Sunday as I have at least three more chapters prewritten and hope to stay ahead as far as updates go. The rhythm is a bit off and the story feels disjointed right now so I will more than likely go back and make changes when I can figure out a better way to write these first three.

And as always, if there are any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to leave a review or drop by my writing tumblr: bebravelily and leave an ask!

-S


	4. Chapter 4--Severus and James

_Warning: Drug mention_

* * *

><p>The flames dancing in the night sky as they consumed Lily's home played in my head every time I closed my eyes. When the muggles left after putting the fire out, the neighbors clearing out once the drama was over, I snuck back in and tried to salvage at least <em>something<em> of Lily's.

And as I lay there with the tiny jewelry box sitting on my chest—in the shape of a lily flower, lined with velvet on the inside—I tried to picture a world without Lily Evans in it.

Lucius was inclined to believe that the explosion had been a diversion, maybe a trap even, but there was no questioning the evidence. Lily and James' blood was on what was left of that mantle. That Reducto curse used was too powerful of a spell for anyone other than Lily to have managed, and I wasn't surprised that James Bloody Potter had stayed back with her.

Always playing the hero. Always the center of attention.

And Bellatrix didn't hesitate to really burn the house down when she realized Sirius had escaped and left his two friends behind to die.

For the time being, Bellatrix convinced the others to hold off on the search for Black until they found another opportunity. Bella and Cissy knew about the large sum of gold Black inherited when their uncle died, but they did not know if he was still staying with the Potter's or not.

Frankly, I was bored with the search for Sirius Black. He wasn't worth it—not a good Gryffindor nor Slytherin, mediocre at best in school, the attitude of a four year old boy…Sirius Black was a tosser and it should have been him who died. Not Lily. Not my Lily.

Oddly, I didn't feel like crying. It was like my heart had yet to catch up with my brain. Seeing Lily's blood on the carpet, surrounded by the ashes of her childhood, felt like another world. Felt like another person saw it, not me.

"Snape." I quickly hid the box under my pillow and sat up as Nick walked into my room. "Snape, we're all going to get a drink. Come along."

"I'll be down in a minute."

* * *

><p><em>James <em>

There was only one other time that I had ever been mad, _really _mad, at Sirius.

It was years before, when we thought that hexing other people was still a good way to exercise our power. Looking back, I realized how dumb it was to entertain myself and those around me by humiliating people who couldn't defend themselves. We were fifteen but we were arrogant. There was no excusing that. But when Sirius took it too far, putting someone else's life in danger, I knew that things would have to change. I couldn't comfortably be myself knowing that, that was the kind of person I was.

And I think that's why I didn't want to hold it against him; I hadn't acted any differently, obviously giving him a reason to think that, that would be funny. Sirius' actions were just the manifestation of how we were all those years.

Standing on the other side of Sirius' flat, I knew that I had to do the same thing I did when Sirius almost killed Severus Snape. I needed to understand his reasoning and forgive him. Because if I couldn't forgive Sirius, how could Sirius begin to forgive himself?

"Tell your mum I'm in love with her," Sirius was saying as I walked into the flat. My three best mates were huddled around Sirius' small kitchen table, Remus watching Peter and Sirius eat the pies that Remus' mum had made for the occasion. None of them looked up so I cleared my throat as I shut the door behind me.

"James," Remus smiled, waving his wand to pull out a chair for me. "What took you so long?"

"Went for a walk," I mumbled as I sat down.

Peter frowned and swallowed the chunk of pie he just shoved in his mouth. "Alone?"

"It's dangerous to go alone, Prongs," Remus said, sounding more like my father than a friend.

I rolled my eyes, swiping the fork out of Peter's hand and pulling his pie tin towards me. "If you must know, Evans joined me."

"Why would Lily go on a walk with you?" Remus asked. I looked over at him and he was staring at me with a weird look on his face.

"Because we're friends," I said, echoing the words she had just said to me, a small smile tugging at my lips. "And I needed to clear my head."

Sirius swallowed, looking uncomfortable. "Listen, mate, I'm—"

"Save it, Sirius," I sighed. "It doesn't matter. You were drunk. We all have those nights. No worries, mate."

"Did Lily help you come up with that?" Remus smirked.

I threw a napkin at him. "Sod off, Mooney."

"Are you going to ask her out again?" Peter asked, eyeing Sirius who seemed rather engrossed with his pie again. "I mean now that she's shown the interest."

"I thought she only wanted to be friends," Remus said before I could answer.

I frowned at him before turning to Peter. "I think I'm okay with being her friend right now. Baby steps and all that."

"That's awfully mature of you," Peter said, clearly surprised by my sudden change of heart. I didn't feel the need to tell him what I heard the other night or that I'd probably always have feelings for Lily. There was just something about her that drew me in, made me want more every time I was around her. I didn't want to call it love; we hadn't even been on a date yet. With a little time though, maybe it could turn into that. Maybe that's why things didn't work out with other girls. Maybe I needed someone like Lily to balance me out instead of agree with everything I said and call me brilliant.

But tonight didn't change what I heard. I knew for myself that things had to change, but Lily's admission just confirmed that it was time for me to grow up. No one was brave enough to tell me to my face that I'd been an ass all this time and it's taken me long enough to figure it out for myself.

There was a war going on. And if I wanted to be good enough to fight in it, I needed to be good enough for myself.

I just hoped it wasn't too late.

* * *

><p>The house was eerily quiet when I let myself in, careful not to step on the carpet and trip the protective enchantment Dad set up when we bought the place. The muggle car he used on occasion wasn't in the drive but Mum's walking cloak was hanging, meaning that at least one of my parents were home.<p>

It was rare to have every Potter in the house on any given day. Mum made a point to have a family dinner every Sunday night, Sirius having an open invitation every time, but Dad usually bowed out in favor of getting work done at the office or going on a mission somewhere in Wizarding London. It was tough having a good relationship with your dad when he was too busy heading the Auror department.

"Harry? Honey, is that you?"

"Nah, mum, it's just me," I called back. The lights turned on in the stairwell and half a second later my mum appeared, wrapping her dressing robes tighter around her willowy frame.

"James, I thought you were staying with Sirius tonight," She said, kissing me on the cheek when she was close enough. "I would have made you some tea."

"I can get Binky to make me a cuppa if you're tired, Mum," I said.

She raised a brow. "You're deflecting, dear."

I sighed dramatically, allowing her to put her arm through mine to lead me into the kitchen. "Sirius was into the dramatics tonight," I explained, pushing myself onto the counter as she went over to the cabinet to grab the tea leaves. "His mum's been on him lately and I think it's messing with his head a bit."

"His mum? What on earth does Walburga want with him? She had him burned off the tree and everything," She said, surprised. "I thought Sirius was all but written out of the will."

"I dunno," I shrugged, waving at two of our house elves, Twinkle and Dotty, as they walked in the kitchen to investigate. "Sirius doesn't write her back. He doesn't even bother with the letters actually. Remus and I are taking bets to see how long it takes before she sends a howler."

Mum snorted. "I wouldn't put it past her—Twinkle, no sweetheart, I have it covered!" She said quickly, hurrying to move the pot away from the eager house elf. "Why don't you two head on to bed?"

"But Mrs. Potter—"

"No, really, dear," Mum said, smiling. "I'd like to make my son some tea."

"You guys can help with breakfast tomorrow," I added, winking at Dotty who smiled knowingly at me—only Dotty knew how I liked my flapjacks a little burnt at the edges.

Twinkle bowed, her nose nearly hitting the tile. "Goodnight then, Master and Mistress Potter," She said happily, Dotty following her lead.

"Goodnight," Mum said kindly, waiting for the two elves to leave before turning back to me. "Now, James dear, if Sirius isn't feeling very safe at his flat, let him know that he can always—"

"Come back here," I finished. "Yeah, he's aware. But I think that Sirius likes the independence. I think he always felt like he owed us something when he stayed here."

"He should never feel like that," Mum said sharply. "Did we make him feel that way?"

I shrugged, placating now. "It's just his mindset is all, Mum."

She tsked, clearly not pleased with this revelation. "Tell him to come over and I'll fix his mindset."

"I bet you would," I smiled at her back as she put water into a kettle. I waited a moment before I asked her what I wanted to since she walked down the stairs. "So Mum, I heard Professor Dumbledore and Dad had lunch the other day."

She froze, hand hovering over the kettle. "How—"

"And well, I was wondering what Dumbledore had to say to Dad. Was it about the war?"

"James—"

"Because I'm of age," I continued, cutting through her. "And I know what's going on out there, Mum. I'm not scared."

"That's the problem, isn't it?" She said, turning to face me. Her face was calm but her eyes betrayed her. The brown eyes were scared, frantic, searching my face for something that I didn't understand. "You're not scared, James, and I love you so much. I do. I've loved you for all of your life and I'll love you even longer. But you're too headstrong, too passionate, too _stubborn_ and I'd be lying if I said that didn't scare the living daylights out of _me_."

I hopped off the counter and crossed the kitchen to her, putting my arms around my mum and holding her close to me. "I have to fight back, Mum. I have to," I said softly. I realized then that I needed my mum to understand why I had to do this, why I had to fight back. I wouldn't stand back and live a comfortable life knowing that people were out there dying. I didn't want to be protected by my blood status when people were dying because of theirs.

* * *

><p>"Chirag?" I repeated, completely shocked. "Chirag Patil?"<p>

Remus nodded gravelly. "Paralyzed from the waist down."

We were sitting in my room, Lily's Blondie record on the player, passing around the cigs that Sirius had bought from the muggle shop on his way over. Mum had a luncheon to go to that afternoon and Dad was busy as usual; it was the perfect opportunity to host the boys.

"Sturgis wrote Peter and told him about the trip to Mongo's and how Chirag's mum's been throwing a fit," Sirius added. "No one has sold out Lily yet though, thank goodness. Everyone's been very tight lipped, saying it was some random house party that the Death Eater's found out when the adults start snooping."

"And it's not like knowing _where _it was would bring Chirag's legs back," Remus nodded. Sirius handed him the cig but he shook his head, letting it move on to me.

I took a long drag, letting the smoke puff back out between my lips like o's. "I had no idea anyone had been hurt."

"There were some bumps and bruises of course," Sirius shrugged. "But none like Chirag. Some bloody wank must have blasted off a piece of the house and got him right in the back."

The image of our friend crumbling to the ground at the hands of the Death Eater's fueled me with the a rage even stronger, more intense, than the kind I get when I read the names of the missing and deceased in the paper every morning. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair. Chirag had so much ahead of him.

Conversation shifted from Chirag to the outing we had planned that weekend for Peter's birthday. His mum usually had cake for him, maybe a drink or two, at the house before going to bed for her early shift at Mongo's. And even though we knew Peter appreciated his mum doing anything for him, we had to make sure his seventeenth was one to remember.

"Mary knows about one in a muggle village not too far from here actually," Remus was saying. "We can tell Peter we're going to a pub."

"He'll never know," Sirius said. He lifted his arse and reached into his back pocket, smiling when he must have found what he wanted. "Take a look at this, boys."

Remus leaned forward and plucked what looked to be a rolled up cig out of Sirius's hand. "What is this?" He asked, wrinkling his nose when he took a smell of it.

"What kind of cig is this, Sirius?" I frowned, taking it from Remus. I brought it to my nose and nearly retched; it smelled like something was burning, an acrid, woodsy smell that stuck to your clothes and followed you home.

Sirius leaned back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head. "Met Mundungus Fletcher on my way here and he had a whole thing of 'em. Calls it marijuana, I think he said. Apparently it's big with the muggles nowadays. Their police don't like it very much though."

"What's it do?" Remus asked incredulously. The player stopped after the last song trailed off and I walked over to my desk to flip the record. Joscelind Wadcock zoomed by in her Puddlemere United robes over my head, giving my muggle poster of The Beatles a disdainful look before shooting the quaffle into the goal post.

"Shouldn't you know what it is?" I asked over my shoulder. "Your mum's a muggle after all."

"Yeah but Mum hadn't been involved with the muggle world since she met dad. And if she had been, I doubt she'd have taught me about something illegal."

Sirius took out his wand and lazily swiped it in the air, lighting the end of his marijuana. The smell didn't help when it was on fire it seemed.

"Take a drag," Sirius suggested.

Remus scoffed. "Right. And be your guinea pig? Not bloody likely."

"I'll do it," I shrugged as I sat back down. I took it from Sirius and bringing it to my lips, pulled the smoke into my mouth; barely half a second passed by until my eyes started to water and I started to cough uncontrollably, letting all the smoke out.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked, alarmed. Sirius reached out to take the cig out of my hands and examined it, careful to keep the awful smelling smoke out of his face.

"What made you hold in the smoke?" He asked.

Wiping away the tears from my eyes, I shrugged, trying to catch my breath. "I dunno. It just sort of felt right," I managed to get out.

"How do you feel?" Sirius pressed.

"Like I'm in need of a new fucking best mate, you twat," I snapped, Remus putting his head in his hands as he laughed silently. "I'm on my death bed and you're still on about that cig!"

"Dung called it a joint," Sirius hummed before bringing it to his lips. I narrowed my eyes at him as he took a pull, not as long as mine, and held it in his mouth for only a moment before letting it out. "Don't pull too much next time."

"Thanks," I said dryly, waving my wand for a glass of water and taking a long drink from it to clear my passageway.

"Mooney?"

Remus shook his head. "I'll pass."

"Dung said it'd take some time to feel anything," Sirius said sagely before taking another pull. He made us wait for him to let it out before continuing. "It's supposed to be like getting pissed without the hangover the morning after. He called it a high."

"And the muggles do this?" I asked, still unsure. There didn't seem to be anything appealing about the oddly shaped cigarette.

He nodded. "It's really big in America I hear."

"Mary, Lily, and Marlene probably know about it," Remus said wisely, nodding towards the joint. "We should ask them more about this marijuana."

I didn't seem too sure about that idea but didn't say anything. I knew that Marlene would find some way to take the piss out of us for not knowing a thing about this stuff. The last thing I needed was McKinnon to get on me for anything else.

"I also got this from Dung," Sirius said as he reached behind the chair he was leaning on. Sitting back properly, he revealed what appeared to be a jacket made from a shiny material.

"Is that a leather jacket, Sirius?" Remus asked, looking impressed.

"Where is Dung getting all of this?" I laughed, shaking my head. It wasn't unusual for Mudungus Fletcher to sell other people's things to the whole school for an unreasonable amount of gold; but it was unusual for him to be selling muggle goods, something he knew nothing about as he grew up with his pureblood mum.

But if I said that to Dung, I was sure he'd say, "James-y, baby, it's my _job_ to know."

Which is why I didn't speak much to Dung.

"He met a girl when his mum sent him to his dad's mum's for the first bit of summer," Sirius explained, leaning forward so he could shrug the jacket on. With his hair in it's usual bun, combat boots kicked up on my table, he looked like one of those muggle's in the movies Lily was always on about, that wore sunglasses inside and hairs gotten stuck in some stinksap. "It was an eye opening experience apparently."

"I want one of those," I said, pointing to Sirius' jacket. I turned to Remus. "Let's go shopping in a muggle village, Mooney."

Remus scratched his nose. "I dunno. When do you have in mind?"

"When do you have time?"

"Uh," He said, turning to look out the window. "This week isn't looking good for me."

"Well it's summer so there's not really a rush—"

"Look I'm not much of a shopper," He said quickly. He pushed back his chair and got to his feet, making sure not to look me in the eyes. "Maybe like ask someone else. Marlene knows her way around the shops. Call her or Mary or something."

"They don't like me much," I said, furrowing my brows together. "You know that."

"Then ask Lily, James, I don't care," Remus snapped, waving goodbye without turning around. I didn't get a chance to say anything else because he had already gone out the door.

* * *

><p>AN: I'd like to think the Marauder's weren't experts on things that muggles had like weed because drugs and stuff didn't seem to be relevant in the Wizarding world like it is with the muggles. Also, it's kind of funny thinking that James Potter was a bit of a wimp when it came to weed hahaha.

Sorry there wasn't a lot of Lily and James moments in this chapter! But it did set up for a lot of the things that the characters will be exploring as time goes on so all in all, I'd say this chapter was pretty important! Are the differences between James and Severus' mindsets becoming plainer? Because there's a reason I put both their point of views in one chapter :)

Until next time.

-S


	5. Chapter 5--Lily and James

There was a knock on the door, startling me to the point that I dropped the letter in my hand, letting the parchment flutter to the floor. I shook my head, as if that'd clear my thoughts, and quickly wiped away any stray tears on my cheeks.

"Come in," I said, smiling weakly for the benefit of whomever was on the other side.

"Lily?" Mary said softly as she opened the door wider to peak her head in. Her long, dark curls tumbled out of her loose bun at the top of her head. "James is downstairs for you."

I frowned, trying to remember if James and I had made plans for the day. The last I heard from him, him and the others were planning something for Peter's birthday that weekend. But that was a few days away.

After tucking away the letter underneath my pillow, I went down the stairs and into the living area that Mary said she had James waiting. The second I crossed the threshold, James looked over his shoulder and got to his feet, smiling sheepishly at me.

"You look smart," I commented, nodding at his pressed button down and dress pants.

He looked down at his outfit, as if he forgot what he had been wearing since he put it on that morning, and his ears turned pink.

"My nan was in town and Mum forced me to come to brunch," He explained, smoothing out his already smooth shirt, "and I thought I'd stop by since I was in the neighborhood and see if you'd like to go shopping with me."

It was a safe bet to say that James hadn't been in the neighborhood; I was sure that anywhere his grandmother would want to go was nowhere near Cokeworth. But as odd as his lie was, it wasn't what bothered me in that rather rushed sentence.

"Shopping?" I repeated, quirking a brow.

James nodded. "Muggle shopping, you know."

Any normal person in my position would have said no, would have wanted to stay home and be sad and spend some time alone.

But I wasn't normal and I didn't have a home anymore. I was a witch whose dad just died, who lived with her best mate because her house was burned down but mental extremists and bigots who thought they had the right to rip your world away.

"Let me grab my purse."

* * *

><p>"You want <em>that<em>?" I asked, holding back incredulous laughter, as James held out a leather jacket. It was shiny, with the vague smell of rubber that meant it was the nice kind of leather, the real kind that cost more than the clothes on my back.

He held it up to his lean frame and pursed his lips. "It doesn't look quite right, does it?"

"Not really your style, I don't think," I nodded. "More Sirius' speed if he was into this sort of thing." Silent, James' ears turned pink and he fumbled with the hanger as he tried to put it back on the rack. My mouth dropped open as everything clicked. "He has one, doesn't he? And that's why you want one now. Because _Sirius_ bought a leather jacket."

"It sounds so bad when you put it that way," James mumbled, picking at a loose thread in a nearby shirt.

I bit my lip in an attempt to not smile. "Not at all."

"Oh, don't take the piss," James snapped, stomping over to another rack of jackets. "If I wanted to hear someone rib me all afternoon, I would've picked up McKinnon."

"I'm sorry, you're right," I said in a horrible attempt at seriousness. It took barely a second before I doubled over in hysterics, much to James' dismay. "I'm so—it's just—and you—"

"You're worse than Marlene," He said, shaking his head.

I attempted to look offended but couldn't do much more than hold my stomach and try not to collapse to the floor from laughing so hard.

He ignored me, taking a muted black jacket off it's hanger and shrugging it on over his button down. He wrinkled his nose at his reflection and took the jacket back off. I sobered up, watching him unbutton his shirt and pull it off, revealing a plain white shirt underneath, before putting the jacket back on and frowning at himself in the mirror.

A smile tugged at my lips as he ran a hand through his hair so it no longer rested on his forehead, tilting his head to the side.

"You know, it doesn't look that bad without the smart shirt," I commented breezily.

He narrowed his eyes at my reflection behind him. "Sarcasm isn't very becoming, Evans."

"I'm serious," I laughed, approaching his back so I could fix his collar. "It looked weird with the shirt."

"It still looks off," He sighed, moving to take off the jacket again.

"No wait," I said, grabbing his arm so he wouldn't take it off. Carefully, I reached up and took off his glasses, tucking them into the front of my shirt. "Invest in some contacts."

He squinted into the mirror, trying to see through his inability _to_ see. "What are contacts?"

I snorted. "For such an advanced species, wizards really do lack in the finer aspects of life."

"What are you on about?"

"They're these clear lenses that stick to your eye when you put them in so you don't need glasses," I explained slowly, as if I was telling a child rather than a grown boy.

James' eyes widened. "That sounds like a torture device."

"They're not all that bad," I laughed. "I'm wearing them right now."

"You are?"

I nodded. "My eye sights shit without 'em. Reckon I'll have to marry someone with excellent vision or my poor kid will be walking into walls all their life."

James laughed, turning back to the mirror to check himself out some more.

"I think I'll get this."

* * *

><p>By the time James had walked me back to Mary's, Mary had left to help her parents in the bakery they owned near town and the house was completely empty. I put off going back upstairs, choosing to clean the kitchen, tidy the living area, and straighten up the bathroom, before I eventually made my way back to Mary's room.<p>

The letter was still there, still painfully present even underneath my pillow, and I felt the ease that spending time out today gave me slowly dissipate. My knees gave out and I crumpled to the floor, a sob escaping my lips as I clutched my throat.

_Lily,_

_Though I hardly think you care since you've been gallivanting around town with your weird friends all summer, mother and father have gotten into a car accident. Father, unfortunately, died on impact and Mother is in the hospital but the doctors don't seem very optimistic for her recovery. Vernon has been absolutely wonderful as he helped me make preparations for the funeral and he's not even their family. I assume you'll be attending, yes? I'd like to think so anyways. Or have you completely cut ties with your parents?_

_I'll write you again by post when I know anything as I don't feel comfortable speaking to your freak of a friend every time I wish to contact you._

_-Petunia_

It was like those letters the military sent you when you lost someone who was serving—that they recognize your lost, might even feel sorry for you, but they're too far removed to actually be arsed to _care_.

My own sister couldn't even muster the compassion for her own blood, her last of kin, when informing her that their parents were gone. Implying that I didn't even care for them anymore. Implying that Vernon cared for them more than I did. Implying that I wouldn't even attend my own parents' funeral.

All of my life, I only wanted Petunia to be proud of me—to be proud that _I _was her sister. But she couldn't even forgive me for being what I was born to be. Nothing I ever did was good enough for her. Petunia was only content when I was second, when I was behind her.

She didn't even say that she loved me. Or that she missed me. Or that she was sorry.

The last thing I said to either of my parents was a lie. The last thing my father heard from me wasn't that I loved him or that I was proud to be his daughter. It was that I had been at a friend's house when the neighbors called about seeing smoke. It was that I had come home but it was too late. It was that I had to go because I was going out to look for a job, a job I'd never receive and a job that didn't exist.

The last thing I'd ever hear my dad say was that he'd hope to see me soon. And now he never will.

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

The Minister had been on my dad more than usual lately, either from the countless disappearances or rumors that one of the Ministries own was a rat for the other side. Regardless, Dad hadn't even bothered coming home for the rest of the week, and by the time I had woken up on Saturday morning, Mum was already on the two-way mirror about it.

It was her thing—to call Dad when he was busy and try to convince him to come home for tea or lunch or a nap. Of course, Harry Maxon Potter would absolutely never do any such thing when the Wizard World needed him, but Mum liked to hope. He did always say I got that trait from her. Or at least that's what he said when I actually got to see him.

"Harry, it's just for an hour. Not even an hour. I—" She stopped, face falling at whatever excuse my dad was giving her. I was too far away to hear what he was saying but I didn't miss my mum's disappointed tone as she responded. "Okay. Okay. No, I'm not. Alright. I will. I love you, too. See you soon, Harry."

"I take it Dad's not coming home for tea today," I said casually as I grabbed a container or leftover pudding out of the fridge.

Mum shook her head, staring at place my dad's face had just been. "No. But he says he misses you."

"Wouldn't have to miss me if he came home every now and then."

"He has a lot to do so things don't get out of hand. He's doing it to keep us safe," She said, though it sounded strained, parroted, like she was just repeating excuses that were given to her. I knew that my mum didn't give a damn about her own safety as long as she could be with Dad.

I pulled open a drawer, took out a spoon, and sat in front of Mum at the breakfast bar, pealing back the container lid. "I like that top, Mum. Did you go shopping?"

"Hope and I went," Mum smiled, looking down at the flowery blouse she wore. "Remus needed to get new trainers and she invited me along so I could pick up more muggle clothing."

I nearly choked on my pudding. "Did you say Remus went?"

"Yeah," Mum said, frowning. She handed me a napkin to wipe my mouth. "Why?"

"I told him I needed to go into a muggle shop and he told me no, to find someone else to go with," I explained, setting my spoon down. "I didn't even realize he was mad at me."

Mum reached out to touch my arm, squeezing it gently. "Oh, darling, don't take it the wrong way. Remember what I always say—"

"To get the whole story before I write my own ending," I recited, dryly. "Yeah, I know."

"Ask him; maybe he has his reasons."

"They better be bloody good," I muttered, grabbing my spoon and taking a big bite of pudding. "What are you doing today?"

"I have to go to brunch with the Wives of the Ministry league, pick up some more flowers for Nan's house, get Felix checked out because he's been flying sideways," She listed tiredly, pursing her lips as she tried to think of everything she had to do, "look at getting you that new broom you've been talking about, and then meet Abraxas for dinner at—"

"I'm sorry," I interjected, furrowing my brows. "Why are you having lunch with Mr. Malfoy? I can't let you do that."

"Because his wife had just recently died—_who_ had been a dear friend of your father's mother," She said, raising a brow at my audacity. "Is there anything else you'd like to say to me, James? Since you seem to think I'm your child now."

My face heated up. "That's not—"

"I'll see you tonight, darling," She said, smiling tightly, before getting to her feet and disapparating out of the kitchen.

Dotty ambled into the kitchen, carrying a basket of potatoes that have just been unpeeled in the back over her head. She stopped when she noticed me at the counter and bowed deeply, a feat with a basket twice her body weight in her arms.

"Morning, Master, James," She greeted me brightly. "Would Master James like Dotty to make him flapjacks?"

I lifted the container and shook my head. "I'm good, Dotty, thanks."

"Would Master James like Dotty to iron his socks like he likes for most comfort?"

"Uh, nah, Dotty, I think I'm okay right now. Thank you though."

"Would Master James—"

"You know, Dot," I cut in, getting up to go over to the sink and placing the now empty bowl in it, "I think I'll just go to Sirius' today and get out of your hair—erm, way."

She bowed again. "Of course, Master James. Be safe."

"You, too, Dot," I smiled before turning on the spot.

* * *

><p>What I walked in to when I materialized in Diagon Alley was the last thing I expected.<p>

The ground shook, the sound of an explosion somewhere in the distance, and the people pushing past me ducked down as if there was something flying for their heads. A child was crying as his mother tugged him along, frantically promising that they'd be home soon. A couple, not much older than myself, kissed each other before grasping hands and disappearing.

After the shock of the scene wore off, I started towards Sirius' flat, maneuvering my way through the tide of people. I scanned the faces of the crowd, trying to find my best friend, and my heart sunk every time I saw it wasn't him.

One of the shops—Rosa Lee Teabags—had completely collapsed in on itself, the rest of the rubble crashing to the street as more and more explosions shook the ground. And as I got closer to the main section of the village, flashes of light came into view and I had to dive out of the way, narrowly missing a blast of red.

Scrambling to my feet, I pulled out my wand and started to dual out hexes at anyone near me in a mask.

Despite my shaking hands, my labored breathing, I didn't stop until I was in front of Sirius' building. I thought of Chirag and his wheelchair; of Dad and Mum and that they're suffering without one another; of Mrs. Lupin who lost her husband fighting; of Alice and Frank who planned to risk their lives instead of getting married and having a baby and being happy. I thought of Lily—one of many—who risked her life every day by going out with her friends and going to school and doing the things that any person should have the right to do.

My thoughts were on Lily when I was blasted in the gut. I collapsed to the ground, my wand falling by my head, and groaned in pain as a sharp stab to my side jolted my body and my glasses smashed on the side of my head.

"SIRIUS," I started to scream, unable to get up. I needed to find him, needed to get to him before someone else did. "SIRIUS! SIRIUS BLACK!"

"James? James, are you okay?" A familiar voice asked frantically.

With a lot of effort, I pushed myself up, holding onto my head, to find my dad standing over me in his work uniform.

"Dad?"

"Come on, son," He said, grabbing hold of my shoulders and getting me to my feet. I winced when I put pressure on my ankle, sucking in a shark intake of breath. "What are you doing here?"

"My wand," I mumbled, reaching for my fallen wand on the ground. Dad flicked his own wand and mine came flying into his hand. "I came to see Sirius but then all of this…Dad, what's happening?"

"Duck," He boomed, pointing his wand in time to block a spell coming our way. He flicked his wrist and a whole row of Death Eater's were blasted out of the way.

"Brilliant," I tried to say but gasped from the pain. "That _Crucio_ is no bloody joke, innit?"

"I'll kill whoever hit you with that," Dad growled, slashing his wand in the air, causing a Death Eater to get blasted off his feet and hit the crumbling building behind him.

"Wasn't him I don't think but good shot."

"Thanks," Dad grinned, looking ten years younger as it lit up his face. It was the same grin he gave my mum when she was mad at him and it was the same grin he had when he watched her speak about things, anything really. Just like he was happy to hear her talk.

"Have you seen Sirius?" I asked, worry coloring my voice.

"Sirius?" He frowned. "No, I haven't seen him at all since I've gotten here. He wasn't near his flat at least and there's no way he'd be in it; there's a giant hole in the front of the building and-"

He tailed off, both of us looking at each other, thinking the worst. Dad fixed his grip on me as he dragged me over to a building that had lost it's roof. Other Aurors were popping in and out, clearly having made it their safe spot during the fight.

I recognized a few, didn't recognize most, and Dad didn't stop for a second until we were deep enough in the dilapidated building that the sounds of fighting was only a distant buzz in the background.

He sat me down on a velvet chair that, bringing over a low table to prop my feet up on. My glasses were barely hanging on and he mumbled a spell quickly so they sat right again, the crack from the fall gone.

"Dad, we have to find Sirius," I said hoarsely, moving to stand up. He put his hand on my shoulder and gently pushed me back into a sitting position. "He's out there right now and he might be hurt!"

"Sirius is a grown boy," Dad said shakily. He ran a hand through his dark hair and looked around, presumably for someone to babysit me as I wasn't strong enough to apparate out and he couldn't exactly leave.

"Dad—"

"James, there's not much I can do and I can't send you out," He said firmly, still not looking at me. I noticed the tension in his jaw and knew that he had to be worried about Sirius. He was as much a part of this family as I was. "Frank," Dad said suddenly, grabbing onto Frank's shoulder as he ran by. His robes had slashes in the sleeves and there was a dribble of blood running down his lip; Dad used his own sleeve to wipe off the blood and looked him right in the eyes. "Frank, Sirius Black might be out there, hopefully near his flat. If you see him—"

"Bring him back," Frank finished, nodding. He turned to me before running off. "I'll get him, James."

"Thank you, Longbottom," I mumbled to Frank's retreating figure.

Dad rubbed the palm of his hands into his eyes, his shoulders slumping. He was getting older—in his forties now—and it was more apparent in his features than it had been years prior. There was streaks of gray in his sideburns now, lines in his forehead and at the side of his eyes. His endurance wasn't where it once was and seeing him in the thick of things like this, I realized how much danger he was in.

For years I had seen Dad as some sort of hero, impossibly strong and powerful. I thought that he had hung the moon and the stars and that nothing could hurt him. But now—now I saw just how much could really hurt my dad.

And that scared the shit out of me.

* * *

><p>"James, wake up."<p>

"Son?"

"Fucking hell, Prongs, celebrate that I'm alive right now you twat."

"Oy," I groaned as someone kicked my leg, hard. Groggily, I sat up and rubbed my eyes, glaring up at Frank, my dad, and then finally, Sirius. "You're alive, I'm so fucking thrilled."

"You kiss your mum with that mouth, boy?" Sirius smirked as Dad helped me out of the chair. My back hurt from sleeping at an odd angle and I stretched my arms, moaning as my bones cracked.

The first thing I noticed once my equilibrium was back was how silent it was, how the room was now all but empty save a few stragglers in auror robes.

"What's going on?" I mumbled. "Where is everyone?"

"The fight's over," Frank shrugged. "We got a few Death Eater's on their way to Azkaban and some of ours are on their way to Mungo's. Now we have people on clean up, which I should be helping with. If you'll excuse me."

"Thank you, Frank," Dad smiled, patting Frank on the back.

Frank grinned, shook Sirius and my hands before disappearing out of a side door. I took a moment to appraise Sirius, check if he had any injuries; but in his leather jacket, completely fine and unhurt, I almost wanted to cause him a few injuries myself for making me worry.

"You bloody idiot," I snapped. "Where the hell were you hiding?"

"Ollivander's daughter saw me nearly fall out my window and lent me a hand," He shrugged. "I hid out with her and the old man in their basement until some aurors came to alert the shop and flat owners that the Death Eater's were apprehended."

"Isn't Garrick's daughter twelve years old?" Dad asked.

Sirius nodded, grinning. "Bit of a natural with that wand, ain't she?"

"Go figure," I muttered, waving my dad's hands away as he tried to help me walk. "I'm good, Dad. Let's just go home, yeah?"

His face fell, the smile wiped clean off his face, as he ran a hand through his hair. "James, I can't go home. I have to go back to the office and then meet a group I sent over to the North to check out what's going on over there."

"Not even for dinner?" I suggested, smiling hopefully. "Mum'll make you a cuppa and Dotty can make your favorite stew and—"

"James," Dad said quietly, touching my shoulder. "I can't."

"Right," I nodded, looking down. "I guess I'll just see you—well I guess I'll see you when I see you then."

"Take care of your mum, okay?" He said before walking out the door. It was the same thing I had been hearing since he got the promotion, and after a while, it lost it's novelty.

"James, mate, we have to meet everyone at half six," Sirius said, touching my arm lightly. "I know it's not the best timing but we should really get going if we want to get cleaned up."

"Right," I mumbled. Sirius stared at me for another moment before grabbing me by the wrist, turning on the spot, and the pair of us disappeared.

* * *

><p>It wasn't a secret that Peter liked Halloween. Whenever October hit, Peter would decorate our dorm with little bats and singing skeletons, making the pumpkins hover between all of our beds and scare Sirius in the middle of the night. His mum would send an extra large parcel for him the week of, full of candies and treats he would have gotten had he been home. He loved Halloween so much that he convinced Lily to show him all the muggle movies about it whenever we were on holiday.<p>

People took one look at Peter and assumed he'd be scared, petrified of vampires and bats and ghouls. But those people didn't know what Peter got up to once a month during the full moon.

So when Remus had the idea of bringing Peter to something muggle's called a "Haunted House," we all had to agree that it'd be a great idea. Peter didn't get a lot in his life, even less than poor Mooney did, and the least we could do was throw him a nice party for his seventeenth.

"Mary! Evans! Hurry your arses up already!" Sirius called up the stairs, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You take longer than they do, you ruddy hypocrite."

"We have to pick up Peter soon!" Sirius said defensively.

"Marlene's doing that since she's closer," I reminded him.

"Get throwing a fit, Black," Mary sighed, appearing at the top of the stairs. She was wearing white boots that came up to her knees and idly, I wondered how was it she could manage doing anything while in those things.

"Where the fuck is Evans?" Sirius snapped, turning red. Remus shook his head and went outside to wait, clearly sick of Sirius' impatience.

"I'm right here, Sirius, calm down," Lily said breezily as she skipped down the stairs behind Mary.

I smiled down at her as she came to a halt right next to me. "Are those the jeans you got the other day?" I asked.

"Mhm," She beamed, kicking out her leg so the flare at the bottom was more prominent. "I saw Lindsay Wagner wearing them the other day on the telly and just had to get them. Where's your jacket?"

"Bit hot outside," I shrugged, letting her walk ahead of me as we exited the house. "How was your day?"

"I had a few things to do, nothing important," She told me quietly, moving slightly behind me to let a woman and her small dog pass by. "What did you do?"

I shrugged again. "Oh you know—went to Diagon Alley, got hit with an Unforgiveable, nearly thought I lost my best friend, passed out, and woke up to said best friend kicking me whilst my dad runs off to another battle—the usual."

"Are you being fresh?" She asked, stopping. We were behind and no one noticed either of us stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. When I didn't say anything, she gasped and put her hands over her mouth. "James! I had no idea! How do you feel?"

"I feel fine," I said quickly, running a hand through my hair. "Think I'll invest in those contacts you were talking about though; my glasses are one more break away before they just stab me in the cornea because they can't be arsed to stay on my face anymore."

Lily snorted, falling into step next to me again as we hurried to catch up with Remus, Mary, and Sirius, who were all bickering. "Maybe you should stop putting yourself in dangerous situations then."

"Never," I grinned, nudging her with my arm. "Because I'm a Gryffindor, where dwell the—"

"—brave of heart. Like your dad," She finished. I was sure that the surprise was evident on my face that she remembered what I had said on the train our first year, but I didn't say anything, afraid I'd ruin the moment.

The five of us continued our walk to the village where Remus had promised there was a Haunted House that was around all year, and by the time we had arrived, it was already dark, a few degrees colder than it had been when the sun was out.

Lily walked ahead, grabbing hold of Remus' arm and nuzzling into his side once he put one arm over her shoulder. Frowning, I watched them, aware that Remus didn't like to be touched. It took Sirius and I years to figure out the ways that were acceptable for Remus to be touched—not his shoulder or his neck, not his face, not anywhere near his midsection. Remus was a strictly hands, hair, and back person when it came to being touched.

"What's with that?" Sirius asked under his breath, grabbing me by my sleeve so I'd fall back.

I shrugged. "Not sure. It's Lily though. Lily never had to follow Remus' rules."

"Took us turning into animals to get into his good books," Sirius snorted derisively. "And all Evans had to do was flip her red hair and moon over library books with him."

"Moon," I chuckled. "Good one."

Sirius winked. "How do you think this is going to go? This Haunted House thing? Will there be real vampires?"

"I sort of doubt that, Padfoot," I said.

"Be sick if there was."

"If you want to see a vampire, we can go in to visit my dad's office tomorrow. I think there's one on his floor that's been working with an auror on a mission."

We came to a stop in front of an old brick building that had a tacky neon sign over the door that read "Herbert's Haunted Funhouse." There were fake cobwebs spread out along the front and every few seconds, a skeleton in a suit or a hairy werewolf walked past the dusty looking windows while what I assumed was supposed to be spooky music played somewhere to the left.

Peter and Marlene waved from further down the sidewalk as they approached us; Lily and Mary both sung happy birthday to a blushing Peter, hugging him as soon as he was close enough. The rest of us, in an attempt to seem slightly more manly, patted him on the back as we wished him a happy day. He beamed as we all informed him what we were doing and where we were, and looking into his happy face, I felt a sense of calm fall over me; the tension from earlier that day had all but gone and I finally let myself breathe again.

* * *

><p>AN:

Surprise! I know it's not Sunday but I got so excited for the first review that I decided to post chapter five!

I'd like to think I'm getting better at writing these fight scenes but of course, I'm probably horribly wrong. Regardless, a lot, a lot, a _lot_ happened this chapter, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Drop by the tumblr: bebravelily if you wanna leave an anon or for any extras because there will be a drabble up sooooon :)

_To Guest: Ah! I'm so happy to hear you say that about the characterization! I tried really hard to make these characters what I picture in my head and with the things from the books that we get so I'm thrilled to hear comments like this! Thank you so much :)_


	6. Chapter 6--Lily, Severus, and James

"So you know what it is then?" James was asking me as we moved up in line to go inside the haunted house. We had been discussing what he thought of the Hey Jude album I had leant him the other day when he brought up something that Sirius had bought the other day.

I blinked at him. "Are you serious right now?" James nodded slowly, unsure, and I groaned, covering my eyes with my hands. "Where did this come from?"

"Dung…"

"Of course," I sighed, shaking my head. Of course Mundungus Fletcher had a hand in this. "_Who_ did he sell it to exactly?" James pointed to Sirius, and I groaned. "This just keeps getting better and better. Black, come here."

Sirius craned his head to look for who called him and smiled when I gestured for him to come over to us. "Yes, Lilykins," He smiled sweetly as he threw an arm over my shoulder.

I shrugged him off, leaning in so I could whisper in his ear, "Where's the weed, Black?"

"The what?" He frowned.

"Oh you cannot—Mar, come here please," I laughed. This situation was becoming more and more unreal as time passed. It was a wonder these boys could function properly in the real world.

Marlene came over to stand at my other side, eyeing Sirius suspiciously before turning to me. "What's up?"

"Sirius has marijuana on his person," I said in a low voice, raising both my eyebrows.

"No fucking way," Marlene grinned, giddy like a child on Christmas morning. "Where is it?"

"In my pocket," Sirius said slowly, touching his pocket protectively.

My mouth dropped open.

"You can't just walk around with joints in your pocket," I hissed, grabbing his arm. "We're in a muggle village for Christ's sake! Why can't you smoke it at home like everyone else? Why _must_ you be different all of the time?"

Sirius looked genuinely frightened as he clutched his pocket, his eyes darting around looking for anyone who was trying to take his precious pot. "Why do they hate it so much?" He whispered, panicking.

"Because the man doesn't like it when the sheep smoke the grass," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. Both boys stared at me with blank expressions on their handsome faces.

"The who?" James asked, the lines in his forehead prominent when he furrowed his brows.

"What are you on about, Evans? Why are we talking about farm animals?" Sirius questioned impatiently.

Marlene howled with laughter, holding her stomach and bouncing up and down. "There is a God, and oh boy, is he smiling down on me today," She sung, tears streaming down her face. "You two _have _to be the biggest idiots I've _ever_ met. I haven't the faintest why Remus even bothers with you lot—"

"You know what, McKinnon, I—" I rolled my eyes, tuning Marlene and Sirius out as they got into it like they always did when we were all together. You'd be hard pressed to have these two in the same room without someone starting something with the other.

"Why is this so funny to you?" James asked me under his breath, presumably not to garner attention from anyone else.

I glanced over at Remus, Mary, and Peter before turning back to James, shrugging. "It's just weird is all. Something James Potter doesn't know."

"I don't know a lot of things—most things really—about the muggle world."

He had a point. I had never met anyone before who had never heard of contacts, never saw a leather jacket before his best mate bought one off the local con artist.

But there was still loads of things that James did know.

"You know about the Beatles."

"Because of you."

"You have a record player."

"Because you told me I wasn't living until I bought one."

"You're great with muggle money."

"Because you taught me how to use it."

"You—" I stopped, biting my lip, as everything suddenly clicked into place. "James, am I the reason you know as much as you do about the muggle world?"

He nodded. "Remus' mum didn't raise him a muggle and besides him, you're the only connection I have really."

"What about Mary and Marlene?"

"Well I'm not exactly painting my nails and plaiting my hair with them now, am I? You're all I have honestly."

Something about the way he said it reminded me of when kids at recess would run around behind their friends like they had no where else to be. And when a teacher would ask why they didn't want to play on their own, they'd just smile and say they were with their friends, they were okay. Something about the way that James said I was all he had made me feel like I was his friend. And that maybe he'd be okay even if he was just trying to keep up with me.

* * *

><p>After Marlene and I took the boys and Mary to the park near the haunted house, we taught them all the proper way of how to get high, a concept that none of them even had an inkling of a clue about. Peter spent literally ten minutes arguing with Marlene about the terminology, saying that we couldn't possibly be saying it right—that no one could possibly fly into the sky by smoking a leaf.<p>

"And then you let it out," Marlene instructed as I puffed out a rather impressive amount of smoke, seeing as I hadn't had any since last summer when a muggle boy next door invited me over one afternoon. I'd have had it before, loads of times with Marlene and her friends from her primary school days, but I let him think that I was new so he'd dote on me. He was so careful as he showed me the proper way to hold the smoke, spending nearly ten minutes on the safe way to use a lighter. We both smoked all afternoon, laughing about nothing and touching, touching, touching.

That was a nice day. I wondered how dear Miles was doing right now. I'd have to give him a ring soon.

I passed the joint over to James, who was smiling proudly to himself.

"What is it?" I asked him, watching him bring the pot to his lips and draw it in.

He waited a moment before letting it out, waving the smoke away from his eyes. "When Sirius and I did it the other day, I held it in like you taught us. I hadn't the clue why but it's validating that I'm not completely hopeless with these things."

"It's a bummer that you coughed a lung out then, huh, James?" Remus smirked as James passed it along to him.

"I didn't say that I was proud of everything," James mumbled.

I giggled, laying on my back and staring up at the night sky. The stars weren't as bright here as they were at Hogwarts, I thought; suddenly, I felt myself longing for my home away from home. I missed the long nights exploring the grounds with Mary and Marlene, the meals in the great hall, the matches on the pitch. I missed feeling like I belonged.

"Oh, Lily is getting nostalgic on us, ain't she?" Mary said dreamily, passing the joint to Peter. She pulled her hair into a knot at the top of her head and crawled over to me, holding both of my wrists in her hands and swinging them from side to side. "What is it this time, Lily? What's making those big eyes of yours glaze over? Is he fit?"

"Why must it be about a boy?" I laughed, rolling over to get away from her. The grass was wet and there might've been bugs in my hair, but I didn't care; I was just happy to feel so alive.

The second the word crossed my mind, I froze, my heart stopping in my chest. Because I _was _alive. I was alive but my dad wasn't, my mum slowly on her way out. Petunia's latest letter had arrived that morning and there still wasn't good news; she had just gone over the will under Vernon's advice, and it was written there that Mum had not wished to stay on hospice in the case that she was in a coma. Petunia planned to pull the plug, with or without my consent, by the end of next week if Mum didn't show any signs of recovery.

I didn't understand what it would take for her to forgive me, for her to be my sister again. If Dad dying didn't change her perspective, what would? I hated to think that my sister and I would both die before she'd ever let me in her life again.

"Lily?" Mary whispered, pulling me out of my thoughts. It was alarmingly quiet when I sunk back into reality and I sat up to see everyone was staring at me, the same look of concern mirrored on all of their faces. "Is everything alright?"

"There was—I just—" I stopped as my eyes landed on a dying lily next to Marlene, the stem drooping so badly that the flower was nearly touching the ground. At the sight of it, I was transported to the time that I went to the park near my house with my dad. I was four years old then. I had been on the swing, my dad on a nearby bench, and when I had tried to jump off like Petunia showed me, I had flown in the air for half a second before my feet touched the ground. But that was before I knew about magic, before Severus that day when I was nine. And there had been a lily flower, my favorite flower because I was four and silly and simple, near the oak tree that caught my eye.

I remembered going over to it, seeing that it was drooping more than it's friends. Gently, I reached out and cupped it in my hand—almost instantly, the flower bloomed in my palm, turning a brilliant shade of red. Giddy, I took it and ran over to my dad breathlessly, offering him my discovery. Smiling down at me, he accepted it, kissed me on the head, and said that he'd keep it forever.

To this day, I knew that, that flower was still in the pages of his copy of _Alice in Wonderland_. It was the first novel he had ever read to me, the first novel I had learned to read on my own. And it was the first thing I saved from my house that night, still tucked underneath my pillow in Mary's bedroom.

"Why don't we go in now, yeah?" James said, getting to his feet. He walked over to me and offered his hands to help me up. I hesitated, still staring at the flower, until he got down to my eye level. He was close enough that I could see the little bits of hair on his face springing up after a day without shaving, smell the woodsy, citrus smell that made up James. "Be brave, Lily."

I closed my eyes, biting back the tears that threatened to spill out.

Be brave, Lily. Be brave, Lily. Be brave, Lily.

When I was five and learning to ride a bike and didn't want my dad to let go.

Be brave, Lily.

When I was six and Petunia didn't want to sit on the bus with me and I had to make my own friends.

Be brave, Lily.

When I was eight and fell out of that tree and had to get a cast for my arm.

Be brave, Lily.

When I was eleven and on my way to Hogwarts and Petunia wouldn't talk to me and I was scared, so scared.

Be brave, Lily.

It was always to be brave because my dad believed in me. He believed I was capable of greatness if I allowed myself to be great. To be brave was to be strong, to be wonderful, and I so desperately wanted to be wonderful. For my dad, for my mum, for Petunia, for myself. And when I was sorted into Gryffindor—where dwell the brave at heart—I knew it was because of my dad. Because of his words.

When I opened my eyes again, it wasn't Dad looking back at me, but James. Slowly, I nodded, allowing him to wrap his arms around me and pull me to my feet. I leaned my head against his shoulder as the others got up, Marlene throwing the rest of the joint into the lake nearby. Mary came up to my other side, putting her arm around my waist, as James walked us back across the street.

* * *

><p><em>Severus <em>

Staking out Sirius Black's flat was starting to get very, very old. Every night after half one, Bellatrix sent me over in the hopes that I'd see Black coming or going and map out a bit of his schedule. But the moron on must be more on the paranoid side because I never saw him leave, and I was sure that he wasn't staying inside all bloody day.

I had all but given up hope when a group of seven people materialized in the front of his building. And it wasn't until I recognized a head of dark red hair that my interests were really piqued.

But Lily was dead. She was dead. She had to be dead. I saw her blood on the carpet of her old home. Lily Evans and James Potter had been incinerated seconds before her house went up in flames.

But there they were—Lily and James, now that I saw his glasses and his stupid hair sticking up. I had no idea what this revelation would mean to the others but I needed to get a better look for myself.

Carefully, I moved from the spot that I had been sitting on, hidden under a disillusion charm. I couldn't make out what they were saying but I did get close enough to see who had a grip on an obviously intoxicated Lily Evans.

James Fucking Potter had his filthy hands wrapped around her waist, holding her close enough to him that his chin rested comfortably on the top of her head.

I clenched my fists to the point that it was almost painful. The urge to hex him into next Sunday was stronger than it had ever been before, and I had to take deep breaths to calm down, to not lose my head and blow my cover.

I didn't relax as the girls hugged the boys goodbye. I didn't relax as MacDonald waved one last time fore disappearing. I didn't relax until Black and Remus carried what appeared to be a sleeping Pettigrew up the stairs to Black's flat. And I sure as hell didn't relax as James and Lily hung back, Mary having already left seconds before.

In that moment, I could have sworn my heart had stopped, cold in my chest, as Potter whispered something to Lily. She looked near tears, biting her lip and running her hands through her hair repeatedly. He grabbed hold of her wrists to still her, saying something that made her shake her head. I was about to confront him, sure he was hurting her, until Lily finally broke down.

He held onto her, rubbing her back as she cried into his shirt.

It was like I had lost control of myself as I stepped closer to the couple—a couple now because my brain couldn't process that it was James Potter and Lily, _my _Lily. I was merely five feet away when I heard James' voice.

"Lily, I'm so sorry," He was saying, his own voice hoarse. "I'm so incredibly sorry. If I had known, I wouldn't have—Lily. I'm so sorry, Lily."

"A—and they're—they're just _gone_ and w—what am—I—I supposed to d—d—do?" She sobbed, her breath coming in as short gasps. I wanted to touch her, to be the one to tell her that it'd be okay. Desperately, I just wanted to know what was wrong. I was so far removed from her life that James Potter knew more than I did.

Slowly, I backed away from the scene until I was a safe enough distance to disapparate from. Though, I was sure that the two were too wrapped up in whatever was wrong with Lily that neither of them would have paid any attention to the noise I made as I left.

Never in my life had I felt this kind of pain—not when my dad hit me for standing somewhere he didn't like, not when I watched my mother cry as father stormed out of the house for the last time, and not even when Lily told me that it was too late.

Because there had been hope then. I knew that I would always love Lily Evans and I was content with waiting for her for as long as she needed. In a few years, I would have been able to give Lily the protection she needed once I had moved up enough in the Dark Lord's ranks.

But I had known since Potter and Black had sat down in our compartment seven years ago that I would never be able to compete with him. Not for grades, or honor, and certainly not for Lily's heart.

After all, she was the ultimate trophy. I never had what it took to win her like James Potter knew he had.

* * *

><p><em>James <em>

After I took Lily back to Mary's house, I came back to my house instead of Sirius'. What Lily had told me, how she had crumbled in my arms as she confessed what had been plaguing her all week, made me want to do nothing more than crawl into bed with my mum. I needed to know that she was okay, that she was still here.

The house was dark when I got in, all of the elves gone to bed after cleaning the rest of the house for the night. When I was only three years old, my parents had sold the larger house in Dorset and relocated to Godric's Hollow. I never told them, but I was glad for it. I knew that I'd want to spend the rest of my life in this village. One day, I'd like to have my own tombstone with the rest of my family's in the graveyard near the church. With my wife and near my mum and dad, where centuries of Potter's could come back and know we lived happy, full lives in this place.

I was careful not to step on any squeaky steps as I went upstairs, using my wand to illuminate where I'd meant to walk. Mum's room was near the top of the stairs and I followed the narrow strip of light that peaked through the cracked door.

Her bed, set in the middle of the back wall, was illuminated by a single lamp on her nightstand. I could see my mum's outline perfectly, the comforter pulled back and one of her feet sticking out as she slept peacefully. I slipped off my shoes and placed my glasses on Dad's nightstand before pulling back the sheet and sliding in next to her.

"Harry?" She grumbled groggily.

"No, Mum, it's James."

"Oh, sweetheart," Mum sighed, rolling over to lay on her other side. She draped an arm over me and kissed the side of my head. "I thought you were staying at Sirius'?"

"I didn't feel good knowing you were here all alone," I said softly, picking at one of the frayed corners on a decorative pillow she must have tossed aside when she went to bed.

She patted my arm, humming. "Always been a good boy," She mumbled sleepily. I didn't say anything and soon enough, she had fallen back asleep, her arm still around me.

I made sure to stay very still until I drifted off myself and the two of us stayed like that for the rest of the night.

* * *

><p>Mum made me go to the Ministry to take Dad's lunch to him, despite the fact that we had a perfectly good owl and despite the fact that it was only nine in the morning. Because misery loves company, I stopped by Sirius' newly repaired flat to pick him up.<p>

"It's practically dawn," He was groaning as we apparated into the Ministry together.

I chuckled. "After we drop off Dad's lunch, I'll take you to see that vampire like I promised."

"Wicked," Sirius grinned, perking up. An auror trainee who was walking by smiled at him, standing up a bit straighter and pushing out her chest, but Sirius turned his head the other way, pretending not to notice her.

"That was rude," I commented once the dejected girl was far away enough. "You could have at least said hi."

"Could have," He said curtly.

"Sirius—"

"Leave it, James."

I blinked at him but didn't push it; it wasn't the first time that Sirius dismissed the girls that took interest in him and it probably wouldn't be the last either. A year ago, I would have said that my number one priority was to get my friend laid. But after attempt after attempt of trying to get Sirius to show interest in something other than butter beer and muggle motorcycles, I had decided to give it a rest.

Still, it didn't sit well with me to force my mate to sit at the booth when we went to the pub while I pulled or to go into Hogsmeade without me because I was on a date. It would've been a lot better to have him there with me but he always resisted, always came up with an excuse.

Dad's office was on the second floor and Sirius and I stepped out of the elevator with two more wizards when the grates opened for us at our destination. The auror offices were always cramped, cubicles smashed together to make room for more aurors, paper planes flying over each other with news. Pictures of suspected Death Eaters and known murderers loomed over everyone, leering at people who passed by and snarling when an auror they recognized was in sight. Sirius was eyeing one in particular, the one that pictured his cousin Bellatrix's husband and his brother, as we walked to the back where my dad's office was located.

"Morning, James," Kingsley Shacklebot greeted when we walked by his desk.

I stopped, grinning, and leaned against the frame of his cubicle. "Mornin', Shack. "How's it been?"

"Oh, boring," He sighed dramatically. "Absolutely nothin' to do nowadays. A few disappearances here and there, couple of rumored moles in the Ministry, but you know—nothing good."

"Poor bloke," I joked before waving goodbye. Sirius said his own goodbyes before following me further through the cluster of desks till we reached my dad's door. "Delivery," I sung, opening the door.

Dad looked up from the papers he was reading, his face breaking into a grin when he realized who it was. "What are you doing here, James?" He asked, pushing back his desk to stand up. His eyes fell on Sirius behind me and I noticed his face fell fractionally before he recovered. "And Sirius! How are you, son?"

"Good, Dad," Sirius smiled, dropping into one of the empty chairs in front of Dad's desk.

"Mum sent lunch," I said, holding up the brown bag I had full of Dotty's best. "I guess she thought the owls were overdue for holiday."

"Don't want the unions after us," Dad said seriously, taking the bag from me and peaking in. "Ooh, Dotty made pumpkin pastries?"

"For Peter's birthday," I nodded as I sat down next to Sirius.

"I'm so happy she decided to stay when your mum freed her," He said happily, walking back around his desk to sit back down. "What are you lads up to today then?"

"Remus is busy—"

"—as he always is now, the wank—"

"—and Peter's mum wanted to take him to Diagon Alley to pick up new pants—"

"—the pig already grew out of the one's she bought him last month it seems—"

"—so Sirius and I are going to visit our friend Chirag at St. Mungo's," I finished.

Dad looked thoroughly impressed that I was able to get all of that out without getting deterred by Sirius' interjections. "What happened to your friend?" He asked.

Sirius looked uncomfortable and I ran a hand through my hair, unsure if I should lie or not. When your dad was one of the best aurors out there, it made getting away with things a lot harder—which is why I tended not to even bother with the cover up. My motto was, why spend the time covering your tracks when you could use it to plan your next move?

"Remember that house that was burned down in that muggle village over a week ago?"

Dad nodded slowly, narrowing his eyes at us. "Yes."

"Well we were there," I said. Dad started to get up, looking mutinous, and I held up a hand to stop him. "Calm down, Dad, we're fine. Our friend Lil—um, Lilah was having a party and a few Death Eaters showed up."

"It was a lot more than just a few Death Eaters, James," Dad snapped. "Frank and Alice said there were over fifteen present when they filed their report."

"Yeah well, we got out alright, ain't we?" I said, turning red when Dad smashed his jaw together, turning his full glare on me. "Chirag wasn't so lucky though; a piece of debris got lodged in his back, right on his spine actually, and now he's lost his legs."

"That could've been you," Dad said tersely before turning on Sirius. "Or you, Sirius. Why can't you boys seem to care about your own safety? It's one thing when you're at Hogwarts, where Dumbledore Why would you go to a party in a neighborhood that is known for hosting Death Eaters?"

Sirius frowned. "But we didn't know that. How would we have known that?"

"You have to have heard me say it before at home—"

"But you're never home," I said flatly. "What made that neighborhood so special? There are plenty of burrows full of muggles."

Dad rubbed his forehead, shoulders slumping. It must not have been easy for a man whose job was to know everything to miss the fact that his son was at the scene of a Death Eater attack.

"There is a house in Spinner's End, not too far from the house that was set on fire, that we're sure the Death Eaters use as an in between house for meetings," He explained. "That attack that night all but confirmed that there is Death Eater activity there, right under our noses. Next week we hope to locate which house and flush them out."

Sirius kept snapping his fingers, pursing his lips as he tried to concentrate. "Who do we know that lives in that neighborhood, James-y?" He asked, looking at me.

"I didn't realize we knew anyone who lived there."

"There's just something so familiar about that place."

"Maybe because Lil—Lilah lived close to there."

"Maybe," Sirius repeated, trailing off at the end like he didn't buy that. He turned to look out the window.

"Promise me you won't be careless anymore, James," Dad begged, forcing me to tear my attention away from Sirius. "If you want to go out, do it in an area that you know has a lot of wizards, wizards that will protect you."

"You might as well just send a couple aurors to tail me, Dad," I said dryly. "Because obviously having a large amount of wizards about didn't save Diagon Alley. C'mon, Sirius."

Silently, Sirius got up and waved to my dad before following me out of his office. I didn't have much to say to my dad; he still treated me like a kid, incapable of making decisions, just because _he_ was scared. I knew damn well what waited for me out there and I didn't need him to chastise me like a child whenever he opened his eyes and realized what I got up to.

Sirius and I were still silent as we popped in front of the abandoned store front that doubled as the entrance to Mungo's, and we stayed that way until we were inside and had to tell the healer who we were visiting. Apparently, Chirag was placed on the ground floor since his injuries didn't fall under any category, and we didn't have far to walk until we were in front of his door.

"You knock," Sirius muttered, eyeing the sign that had Chirag's information on it. His parents must've gotten him a private room. I had heard that they were important people in India but I didn't know what they did; whatever it was, they seemed to have quite a bit of gold. Mungo's didn't usually let people have their own rooms as to save space.

I rolled my eyes and knocked once, taking a step back. It was another moment before we heard someone call for us to come in.

"Hey, Chirag," I said, smiling weakly. "How, um, are you?"

"Been better," He chuckled, moving to a better sitting position. "It's taken a while but I think I've finally accepted that this is what I've got in life. I'm dealing with it, you know?"

Sirius stayed close to me as we crossed the room and I waved my wand once, two chairs moving from by the windows to the side of the bed so we could sit.

"Who brought the flowers?" I asked, nodding to the arrangement of white orchids. They were easily the smallest in the room but Chirag seemed to favor them, placing them so close to his bed while the others were placed on a table by the window.

He looked over at them, smiling slightly. "Lily Evans did. She hadn't heard about it, guess no one knew she was at Mary's, and stopped by first thing before she went to visit her mum."

I froze, eyeing Sirius to see his reaction, but thankfully he was still in his head like he was in my dad's office.

"Erm. That's nice of her," I mumbled uncomfortably. I didn't know what Lily had said to Chirag about her mum and didn't want to go around spreading her business around. "Will you be out by term?"

Chirag nodded. "Yeah but I'm not sure if I'll be returning to school."

"Why not?" Sirius questioned indignantly, evidently finding a reason to rejoin the world outside his own.

"Dad said it's not safe," Chirag shrugged, playing with his sheets. "But Mum doesn't agree of course. She reckons the safest place on earth is wherever Dumbledore is."

"And she's right," Sirius snapped.

"Calm down, would you?" I sighed, putting a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "It's not his words, mate. Not everyone can run away from home and stay on their feet—" I winced, realizing what I had just said. "Sorry, Chirag."

"No worries, mate."

"Your dad has to let you back," Sirius insisted. I sighed, putting my head in my hands as I prepared myself for what I was sure to be a Sirius Rant. "That's absolute rubbish, mate. It's your fucking schooling he's threatening to take away from you, your last year, too. You just lost your legs and now your education?" Sirius shook his head, lip curling in disgust. "It's absolute bullshit is what it is."

"Sirius is right even though he's a twat when he speaks," I said seriously, adjusting my glasses on my nose—I really needed to look into those bloody contact things Lily kept talking about. "You can't let them take you out."

Chirag sighed, looking more worn than he did when we walked in. "I guess I'm just torn. Maybe they're right. Maybe I would be safer at home."

"Clearly—"

"Sirius, give it a rest," I snapped. I opened my mouth to say something but a knock on the door distracted me.

"Is everything alright?" A young healer asked as she popped her head in, smiling sweetly.

Chirag sat up straighter, quickly fixing his hair so it sat just right on his head, something my hair would never do no matter how many spells my mum used. "Everything's great, Bee," He said, smiling brightly.

"Is this James Potter and Sirius Black?" The healer, Bee, laughed as she walked into the room. I didn't miss the fact that Chirag's eyes followed her every move.

"Um," Sirius coughed, squinting at the girl as he tried to place her. She was young, probably in her twenties, but I didn't recognize her from anywhere—which, considering her smooth, dark skin and pretty green eyes, I was sure I wouldn't forget her very easily had I met her before.

"It's fine, Black," She smirked. "I was a couple years before you lot. Bee Verma."

"Good to meet you," I smiled, shaking her hand.

"Pleasure," Sirius said, wrinkling his nose as he shook her hand once, letting go quickly and putting it back on his thigh. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Chirag, it's time for a bath, love," She said gently, pulling her wand out and tapping the bed so it'd sit further up.

I put my hands on my knees and pushed myself up, grabbing onto Sirius' collar and discreetly pulling him to his feet, too. "We'll just head out then," I said, putting a smile on my face. "See you later, Patil."

"Yeah," Chirag said, not looking away from Bee as she busied herself with readying his bath.

Sirius rolled his eyes and the pair of us left Chirag in the more than capable hands of Bee Verma.

* * *

><p>AN: A lot is happening in this chapter even though it was only the span of a day or two! My favorite thing to write is Lily and James' friendship developing, the walls coming down. And now Snape knows that they're not dead!

Writing the bits with Chirag were a bit challenging because I was torn between making him emotionally damaged for losing something as important as his legs and giving him hope. Adding Bee helped a lot because I'd like to think that she's his light during this time. It's all very romantized but I like to think that Chirag isn't going to let this bring him down. He might even have a family one day...

Don't forget to follow the writing tumblr (bebravelily) if you have anything you'd like to talk about!

Until next week!

-S


	7. Chapter 7--Lily and James

A/N: This is unedited! I've had exams and papers and haven't gotten around to editing it! But my friends will be home this weekend so I won't be home to post on Sunday; therefore, surprise Friday update! Yay! I know there aren't a lot of you, but I'm so grateful for those of you who do make it all the way here to chapter seven from chapter one. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>As far as funerals went, I heard my dad's was pretty lovely. Wasn't there, of course, as my sister gave me the wrong date to come, but hey, accidents happen I guess.<p>

I didn't mind much anyway; Dad and I were overdue for some alone time.

When I was sure no one was around, I got rid of the rose arrangement Petunia must have left and replaced them with a bouquet of sunflowers, Dad's favorite. He always said roses were for grandmums and when a husband was trying to get out of trouble. I remembered the time that he forgot Valentine's Day and came back that night with a bunch of hydrangeas.

"That won't get you out of trouble, mate, but good try," Mum quipped, not even bothering to look up from her book when he came in.

He took his hat off and got down on his knees in front of her tree, presenting the flowers to her anyway. "But these are hydrangeas, my dearest heart, not roses. Can't be graveling if they're not roses."

"You are an idiot," Mum laughed, shutting her book and touching his cheek affectionately.

"An idiot that you love," He smiled before getting up to kiss her quickly.

I remembered sitting on the carpet, surrounded by my books, and wishing that one day I'd have that, have the love my parents shared. And I remembered thinking that there wasn't a man out there better than my dad. He was strange and had his quirks, but he was a good man. He loved his family and did what he could, and I'd always love him.

And it was when I realized that I was even thinking about him in that past tense that I broke down. I fell to my knees, just as my dad did that night ten years ago, and cried over his grave.

"I'm so sorry," I sobbed, hugging myself and rocking back and forth. "I'm so sorry that I lied to you, Daddy. I miss you so much. Why did you have to take that way? Why didn't you go the way you always did? Why did you have to go that way, Daddy?"

It felt so unfair that something so small as taking a different route to a bakery would do so much in the long run. I didn't allow myself before to think about that moment, when my parents were in the car that they'd die in, but being here in front of his grave made it so much realer for me. I didn't understand, didn't want to understand, but no one was safe from death. No one could truly hide from it, not even wizards.

I had told Mary about my parents, how I needed time to myself for a little bit. She understood, of course, told me to take all the time in the world and she'd be waiting until I wanted to talk. But it was hard to not resent Mary for having her family together when I didn't even have a home anymore.

And I didn't want to resent Mary for that. It wasn't in her control just like losing everything I had wasn't in mine.

Petunia had informed me, rather rudely actually, that she planned to visit Mum today and speak to the doctors, and I informed her, very rudely actually, that I didn't plan on being anywhere near her at the moment. She was offended of course, as if she didn't spend the last seven years telling me the same things in not so many words, but I didn't care. I couldn't allow myself to care anymore.

And that's how I found myself standing in front of Remus Lupin's front door. Remus had lost his father when he was just a boy, and if anyone knew what I needed, it was him.

"Hello, Mrs. Lupin," I greeted when the door opened, a women with light brown hair and a permanent smile on her kind face on the other side. She was wearing an apron and her hair was pulled back into a messy knot at the back of her head, the usual indicator that she was busy in the kitchen baking for her son and his mates.

"Lily," Hope Lupin smiled, embracing me. "Honey, it's been so long! You look lovely as always though, of course. Have you grown?"

"I wouldn't doubt it," I laughed when she let me go. "Is Remus in?"

"He's in his room talking to Peter," She informed me as she let me in, closing the door behind me.

"Peter's here?" I frowned.

She shook her head, already edging for the kitchen. The smell of apples and cinnamon rafted from there and I assumed she had a pie going. "No, no, Remus got him one of those two way mirrors like James and Sirius have. Go on up, love!"

"Thank you," I said before walking up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Remus' room was on the far left and I knocked once before opening the door.

"Yeah, I gotta go, Pete, Lily's here."

"Tell her I said hi!"

"Hi, Peter," I called as I sat down on the edge of Remus' small bed. I busied myself with smoothing out the wrinkles in the worn blue comforter as he finished his goodbyes with Peter.

He carefully placed his mirror on his desk before swiveling his desk chair to face me, balancing his elbows on his knees as they supported his head. "What's up, Lily?"

"I've just come back from visiting my dad," I said, my voice small as I averted my eyes.

"That's brilliant. How is he? Where was your mum?"

My eyes stung as the tears started to form. I took a shaky breath and looked up. I knew I had to tell him—it was the reason I'd come after all. But saying the words never got easier, never hurt less. "He's dead. She's in the hospital. It's just me now."

"You're not alone," Remus said immediately, moving out of his chair to sit next to me on the bed. He put an arm around my shoulder and I leaned my head on him; it was something so normal for us but for some reason it meant more in that moment. "You're never alone if you don't want to be, Lily. I learned that when three idiots decided to risk their lives for me."

"They're too good to you," I smiled as silent tears streamed down my face. I felt like all I did lately was cry.

Remus chuckled. "Yeah but I'd like to think I bring something to the table," He said before getting serious, "Why didn't you tell anyone about this?"

"I did," I said softly, toying with my fingers in my lap.

"Who then? Mary?"

I shook my head. "James."

"James," Remus repeated incredulously. "_My_ James. James Potter. Quidditch captain. Head Idiot in our Band of Idiots."

"That's the one."

"Why?"

"Because he was there," I shrugged, though I knew it wasn't true when I said it. It would have always been James. His persistence throughout the years evolved from annoying me to hitting on me to taking care of me, and it was only natural that he'd be the first one to get it out of me. We always seemed to find one another when one of us was in emotional distress; it was our thing.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "And how'd he handle it?"

"He let me cry all over his nice shirt for one," I tried to joke but it came out more serious than I meant. "And he just listened. He's a better listener than people give him credit for."

"Why didn't you go back to him then?"

"Because I want to something crazy and reckless and just…just wild."

"And?"

I laughed, even though nothing was funny, and smiled at him, even though there was nothing to smile about. "And he would have let me."

* * *

><p><em>(there should be a section divider here)<em>

By the time I left Remus, after talking more and eating his mum's pie when it was done, it was dark out and I realized I had no where to stay.

Part of me just wanted to go _home_, to a place that magic couldn't touch it and that I was safe.

But then I remembered I didn't have a home _because_ of magic.

I closed my eyes, imagining the last place I thought I'd go, and when I opened them again, I was standing in front of the swing set from my memories.

It wasn't where I needed to be—magic had been a part of this place even if I didn't realize it at the time—but I didn't feel like I was suffocating as I sat down in the rusted seat of the swing. It was colder now that the sun was down but I didn't mind, closing my eyes as the breeze blew my hair and pushed myself back and forth until I picked up a rhythm.

"Hi."

"What took you so long?" I asked, eyes still shut.

I heard the chains groan as weight was applied to the swing. "Frank didn't want to let me leave."

"He's a worrier that boy," I teased.

"Man," Alice corrected and I could here the smile in her voice, too. "Remus's patronus is quite odd, innit? What is that anyway? Frank said horse but it looked a bit like a dog to me."

"I dunno," I shrugged, smiling to myself. I felt oddly buoyant, lighter, like nothing in the world could hurt me even though I knew firsthand that some things were inevitable. "You know what, Al?" I asked suddenly, stopping myself mid-swing.

"What's that, Lil?"

"I'm tired of being morbid," I declared. "I'm tired of being sad and crying. And I'm tired of just…just dwelling."

"You have every reason to be and do those things," She said gently.

I shook my head, pushing back and letting myself swing forward again. "But I don't want to live my life like that. There's only so much time that we all have and I can't spend anymore in this state. My parents wouldn't want it."

"What do you want to do then?"

I didn't answer her right away; instead, I pumped my legs to get as much air as possible and when I started to swing forward, I let go, letting the wind carry me for a half second longer than possible. When my feet touched the ground, I turned to my friend and smiled.

"I want to be brave."

* * *

><p><em>(there should be a section divider here)<em>

_August_

When I was eleven years old, I learned not to question Hogwarts. After all, once you realize there's a giant school in the middle of England full of over a hundred students, with flying brooms and talking paintings and moving stairs, you pretty much had seen it all. But despite all of the wonderfully unreal real things that went on in this world, there was something truly magical about a Hogwarts letter.

No matter where you were, who you were with, or what time of the day, that letter found you. For me, that letter symbolized hope—the change to escape to a dreamlike place where a child's most outrageous fantasies came to life. It was an honor to receive a letter, an honor that was not lost on me nor would it ever be.

It was on a Monday morning when I received the last I'd ever get; I was eating lunch at the Leaky Caldron with Mary, when an owl flew through the back window and landed in front of my cereal bowl.

"Is that-?"

"Yeah," I breathed, reaching out to retrieve the thick envelope from the pretty, tawny owl. I patted it's head and gave it a bit of my steak before ripping into it. It was when I was reading my supplies list when Mary slapped my elbow. "OI, MARY!"  
>"Lily, look!" She exclaimed excitedly, holding up a shiny silver badge. Speechless, I held my hand for it and brought it closer to my face to inspect it. Set into the middle of the face was a large, scripted 'H,' practically screaming "Look at me!"<p>

"I'm Head Girl," I said, a slow smile spreading across my face. "_I'm _Head Girl."

"You're Head Girl," Mary squealed, bouncing up and down. The owl hooted disdainfully as she shook the table but she ignored him. "This is so exciting! We have to celebrate!"

I finally looked up from the badge, my smile turning brittle, fake. "I'd like that, but tonight, okay? I have somewhere I'd like to go first."

Mary nodded, understanding clouding her eyes. "Of course, Lily. I'll be right here."

* * *

><p>"And I know you don't know what it is exactly, but you had prefects at your school, right?" I asked, picking at the grass by my feet.<p>

The grounds around my dad's grave hadn't been mowed in some time but a muggle family was too close for me to do something about it. Thankfully, I had the foresight to bring an arrangement for both my parent's instead of make it when I got there. Petunia had neglected to visit them it seems as the last one there had been the sunflowers I brought last week.

I leaned forward on my knees to brush off a bit of dirt from my mum's tombstone. She would have thrown a strop had she seen the state her grave was in when I got there. Wilted flowers made her skin crawl.

It was a Friday when my mum had died. It was raining outside and there had been a David Bowie record on the player, one of her favorites. The nurses said it wasn't painful, that she had been asleep and hadn't felt a thing. Petunia never got to pull the plug, never got to honor Mum's wishes. I convinced her to put it off for just a little longer, just to see; she hadn't forgiven me for letting that happen, though I didn't understand what there was to forgive. Mum was gone. And she'd never come back no matter which way she left.

"I don't know who's Head Boy but I'm sure it's my friend, Remus," I continued, settling back down on my bum. "You remember, Remus, right? He was the one with the patches on his pants, Mum, remember? You used to always tell me you could do a much better job and to tell him to give them to you the next time he needed a repair. He always appreciated that, Mum. Still does, in fact."

"Was telling me the other day how he wished he got you to patch up the sleeve on his robes actually." I looked up to see James crossing his legs and sitting down next to me. His glasses were gone now, having gone with his mum and Mrs. Lupin to a muggle shop to get his contacts, and his hazel eyes watched me intently. "How are you?"

"How'd you know I was here?" I deflected, turning back to my parents' headstones.

James waited a moment before answering. "I went to Mary's and she said you needed to do something. Congratulations on Head Girl by the way."

"Didn't answer the question, Potter."

"Sorry, Pot," quipped James. He moved to adjust his glasses, letting his hand fall into his lap when he realized they were no longer there. "You're always here though. At least once a week." He paused. "Alice tails you sometimes, you know. Just thought you should know."

"Thanks, Kettle," I said, even though I already knew that. I had always been very good at knowing when I was being watched. I remember one time a bee must have gotten too close to her and she cursed rather loudly, giving away the location she'd been invisible in. "What is it you needed to talk about anyway?"

"How did you know I needed something?"

"Ah, when the student becomes the teacher. Brilliant."

James rolled his eyes. "Come to show you something actually, Miss Know-It-All."

"James, I've told you since we were thirteen that I'm not interested in your little wand."

"Has Marlene been running clinics?" James said exasperatedly, narrowing his eyes at me. "You do like to take the piss, Evans. I can always leave if you'd like."

I giggled, shifting in the grass so I could face him better. "I'm sorry, James. Show me what it is then."

"I don't think I will any—OI! DON'T HIT!"

"Then show me!"

He mumbled to himself, lifting his bum slightly so he could reach into the back pocket of his cords. When he opened the palm of his hand in front of me, a small silver badge lay in the middle of his hand, identical to the one I had back at Mary's.

My mouth dropped open. "But—how—you—and Remus—"

"Trust me when I say you're not the first one to be surprised," James said dryly. "And probably not the last. Mums gone absolutely mental though. Reckon there isn't a witch left in London who hadn't heard the news."

"And the boys?"

"Sirius thinks this is some elaborate prank I've had in the works. Peter nearly pissed himself—actually, now that I think about it, his pants _did _get a touch darker," He mused, furrowing his brows as if he was lost in concentration. He shook his head to clear his thoughts before continuing. "And Remus is annoyingly indifferent."

I frowned. "He doesn't care at all?"

"No," James confirmed. "Not one bit. We'd all been holding our breaths, waiting for him to start cursing Merlin and question Dumbledore's sanity, but he just smiled and said 'brilliant' before continuing to fiddle with that muggle contraption you loaned him."

"A polaroid."

"Doesn't matter." James paused, looking uncomfortable. "Has he been acting off to you?"

"Remus? No," I said, shaking my head. I had just gone to a show with Remus in a dingy pub for the muggle band The Clash the other night and he seemed absolutely fine. Better than fine, in fact. He seemed…vibrant even. "Has he been acting weird around you all?"

James' face fell, as if he expected me to say Remus had been acting as weird with me as he had with them. "He barely hangs out with all of us anymore. He's always busy or just not _interested_."

"What do you guys think?" I asked, turning to my parents. "What's bothering Messer Mooney?"

James waited, a smile tugging at his lips, as he leaned over like he was trying to hear clearer. "I agree. Yeah. Oh definitely. He is a tosser, ain't he?"

"James," I laughed, slapping his arm.

"Let's get out of here," He said, smirking. "It's just a touch too morbid for me." He got to his feet and paused, halfway between walking away and helping me up. "I'll give you a moment to say goodbye, yeah?"

"Okay," I nodded, watching him walk away. When he had made it to the two trees twenty feet away, I turned back to my parent's graves and sighed heavily. "That's James. The big headed one that used to bully my old friend Severus? Yeah, Dad, the one that you said needed a right hook or ten to learn his place." I smiled, remembering the first time I came home for holidays and told them about the idiot I met on the train. "I have to go now but I promise to be back next week, okay? I'll be going to school soon though. I'll try to figure something out for your flowers, Mum. I love you both." Crawling forward, I touched both of their headstones for half a minute before whispering goodbye one last time and getting up to meet James.

* * *

><p>"To our Head Boy and Girl," Marlene said importantly, holding her head up as she raised her glass. "And to the best, last year at Hogwarts anyone could ever have."<p>

"To the Head Boy and Girl," everyone echoed, clinking glasses before downing their glasses.

"Cheers," Sirius grinned, tilting his head back as he drained his own shot.

It was Mary's idea to meet at a muggle pub between everyone instead of the Leaky Cauldron, saying that it might be there last time to all go out like this before summer ended. Soon we'd all be off to Hogwarts, and after that, we'd be joining Wizarding London, leaving little time to hit the pubs while we found our places.

Peter had left the table, catching the eye of a petite muggle girl who was sitting alone on the other side of the room, and Mary had convinced Remus to dance with her, leaving Marlene, Sirius, James, and me at the table. Frank had left thirty minutes ago for auror duties and Alice left soon after, uncomfortable sitting at the bar while Frank was fighting.

James held up a finger and pointed at our glasses for another refill. "Ah, the advantages of a simple ageing potion," He hummed, grinning broadly. "They haven't a clue that we're not of age."

"Technically I'm of age for both muggles and wizards," Sirius boasted, elbowing James in the side lightly.

Marlene snorted. "Shouldn't be too proud that you failed a year, Black."

"How dare you—"

"_Please_," I interjected, pinching the bridge of my nose. "For once, can we all hang out without the drama?"

"Gonna dock points, Evans?" Sirius smirked.

"That's a detention for you, Black."

"James—"

"And there's another. Don't test me or I'll make you file cards with Flitch until Christmas."

I giggled into my hand, thoroughly enjoying how put out Sirius looked as he shut his mouth.

James winked at me before turning to Marlene. "I heard you don't plan to take Potions this year, McKinnon. What's up with that?"

"Not everyone wants to be an auror. Even Remus wants to be a teacher, which is ten times more admirable than an auror," Marlene rolled her eyes. "Some people have _other _ambitions."

"Oh yeah. Then what's your admirable ambition then?" challenged James. It was no secret that James got offended when people badmouthed the auror department—not only was his dad the head but it was his lifelong ambition to become one, to fight in the war. He talked about little else all the way up to third year when he was named Quidditch captain.

Marlene narrowed her eyes at him. "It's known of your business."

"What's the big secret, McKinnon?" Sirius said patronizingly. "It's okay to admit you want to be a Security Troll. No one will judge you."

"Sod off, Black," She snapped. "What is it you want to do then? Be a Curse Breaker? With your ridiculous pony tail and stupid leather jacket, I'd bet you'd just _love _that, wouldn't you? All of the glamor with little of the honor."

"You don't know shit," Sirius snarled.

"I do know that you're nothing but a slimy, attention loving git."

"Oh because you're so much better, yeah? With your—"

"Ten points from Gryffindor!" I nearly screamed, holding my head in my hands.

I felt James vibrating next to me with laughter. "Alright, Evans?" He asked, grinning.

"I'm going mental," I groaned and chuckling, James put an arm over my shoulder, squeezing one with his hand. "All they do is fight!"

"That's not all we do, Evans."

"Yes, sometimes we hit each other."

"And sometimes we politely tell one another the truth."

"Is that what we're calling it?" I laughed. Still laughing, I looked over to the entrance of the bar, just in time to see the door blasted off it's hinges.

"What the fuck," James breathed, pulling me under the table with him. "SIRIUS, GET DOWN!"

There was a scream, another explosion. A muggle man jumped over the bar with a bat, going to protect his bar; I screamed as a blast of green hit him in the chest, falling to the ground like a puppet whose strings were just cut. I didn't even notice Sirius jump up from under the table, or James follow after him, and I didn't notice Peter jump in front of Mary before she was hit with a spell, hitting the ground the next second. Remus shot off like a bat out of hell, towards something that I couldn't see from where I hid.

Marlene grabbed my hand, pulling me from under the table.

"Mar, your wand!" I cried as I took hold of my own.

She fumbled in the front of her shirt until she pulled out her wand and pointed it at a Death Eater the same time I did, both of us screaming, "_Stupefy_!" at the same time.

"Evans! EVANS!" I turned around in time for James to tackle me, a flash of green flying over us a second later. If he hadn't knocked me over in time, I'd probably be dead.

"Thank you," I said shakily as he helped me to my feet. I glanced around for Marlene but she had already run off in the direction of Remus, who was completely out of my line of sight at that point. "Where's Sirius?"

"I have no idea," James said, pulling me behind him as he weaved our way through the crowd of screaming muggles. "Remus didn't wait for me to go find him and I couldn't find you and—"

"James, we have to find Sirius," I snapped before turning around and yelling, "_CONFRINGO!"_

"Blimey, Evans," James laughed, keeping his arm over his head as he pushed past the flow of traffic.

"Peter taught me that one," I said, managing a small smile. I was about to hurry after him when I saw a woman, no more than twenty five, get hit with a green blast of light and crumble on top of a table, knocking it over with her. I didn't think; I changed my course, jumping over a chair that fell over, and slid over to her at the same time as another girl reached her, staring down at her fallen friend with disbelief.

She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. "What is happening?" She whispered.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I said sadly, sticking my wand in my back pocket discreetly. "I'm Lily."

"Fran," She sniffed, clutching onto her friend's hand. "She's dead. She's dead, isn't she?"

I desperately wanted to say no, that she wasn't dead and she'd be okay. If it had been a few months ago, I probably would have; but it took losing my mum to realize that false hope is not better than no hope.

"Help me get her out of here," I said instead, carefully moving my hands over her eyes, shutting them for the last time. Fran held onto her legs as I gripped the shoulders and together, we lifted her friend off the ground. To James or Sirius, it probably would have made more sense for me to have used my magic to lift her up and get her out of that pub. But magic ended her life, took her away from Fran and her family, and I didn't think it would have been right to use it.

We had barely made it to the back door, making sure to use the crowd of people to protect ourselves from attack, when James found me again.

"Don't you ever do that again," He snapped, gripping my shoulder. His eyes fell on the girl Fran and I carried and his face softened fractionally. "What are our you doing?"

"We have to get her our of here," I explained pleadingly, searching James' face. I needed him to understand why I had to take this girl out of here—why I needed to save her when there was nothing left to save. "Please, James."

He dragged his eyes from my face long enough to properly get a look at the girl—pointed nose, blonde hair, and an impossibly long neck. Realization crossed his face and he immediately took over, cradling her body in his arms like a baby and pushing the door open with his shoulder.

"Cover us, Evans," He ordered before him and Fran disappeared out the door.

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

I carried the girl—the girl that could have easily fit into the pictures in Lily's basement—out the back door and didn't stop until the other blonde unlocked the doors to a red car on the street.

"Call the cops," I told her after sitting the dead girl against the car door. "Wait five minutes and call the cops so that the medical personnel can come and look after any mugg—people that got hurt. Okay?"

The girl nodded as tears spilled down her face, clutching her throat. I gripped her shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes—green but not as clear as Lily's. "Stay with her. Say your goodbyes. And keep out of the way."

"Thank you," She sniffed.

"Take care," I said, squeezing her shoulder once before turning to run back inside the pub. There wasn't enough to be said that could make up for the loss of her friend, but I still felt like a wanker. Take care? Prat.

I didn't hesitate to look for Lily again, sure that she was going to try to do something heroic and idiotic to save the lives of all the muggles.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT," I bellowed, grabbing her by the waist as she climbed on top of a table to jump on a Death Eater's back. With my free hand, I blasted the bastard before he could turn around and carried her, kicking and screaming, behind the bar.

"Why did you do that?" She screeched, shoving my arm.

I put my hand on her shoulder, pushing her down so she wouldn't get up. "The muggle authorities are on the way and when they get here, we have to go. The aurors aren't coming, Lily. We have to get out of here."

"What about the others?"

"I'll come back for them."

Lily blinked at me. "You'd think I'd leave my friends? That's what you think of me?"

"What?" I asked, blinking at her. "Evans, are you absolutely mental? I'm not trying to undermine you! I'm trying to keep you safe!"

"Well I don't need you to," She snapped before scrambling to her feet and jumping back into the thick of it. Nearly all of the muggles in the bar had been killed or escaped, making it easier to find our friends in the chaos.

Remus and Sirius were dueling a group of four, Marlene battling another, and Mary holding onto Peter, shooting spells over his unconscious body. Lily made a beeline for Remus and Sirius, shooting at a man as she pushed herself harder, and I froze in place as I saw the top of his hood fall out, a head of long, black hair exposed.

"No," I whispered before hurtling into him, knocking him to the ground. I flipped him, pinned his hands down over his head, and with my free hand, ripped his mask off. "Regulus, no."

"Get off of me, you bloody twat," He roared, squirming to get out of my hold. "Or I'll—"

"You'll what?" I looked up to see Sirius standing over us, his shirt ripped and his eye bruised, breathing heavily.

"Sirius—"

"Get off him, Prongs," Sirius said, eyes still on his brother. He flicked his wand, a rope snacking around Regulus' wrists. "I think it's time we had a bit of a chat. Your friends won't hurt me, will they, Reg?"

Carefully, I got off of him and stared at my best mate. "Sirius, don't do anything stupid."

"I think my brother has the corner on that market," Sirius said, smiling sardonically. "The others have disapparated out. Go ahead with them, James."

"I'm not leaving you here."

"You don't get to tell me what to do. This is _my_ brother."

"Sirius—"

"Go," He snapped. I gave my best mate one last searching look before disappearing with a _crack_.

* * *

><p>I fell forward when I landed in front of my house, stumbling into a bush and banging my head on the ground. I groaned, the adrenaline from the fight all but gone, and gripped my hair as the headache set in.<p>

I can't believe I left Sirius there; there with a pub full of Death Eaters. There with a room full of dead muggles. There where the muggle authorities were on their way to find a murderer.

In all of my years as Sirius' friend, I had completely failed in tonight.

"FUCK!" I yelled over and over again, not even caring who I was waking up.

"Prongs?" Somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard Peter crawl over to me, holding onto my shoulders as I screamed for Sirius.

"Leave him, Peter," said Remus quietly. "Mrs. Potter just wanted us to make sure he was okay."

"We can't leave him in this state, Mooney," Peter snapped. I lifted my head and stared at him—the friend that everyone liked to forget. No one knew who Peter was and what he meant to us. No one understood how far Peter would go for his friends. Wordlessly, I leaned towards him, embracing him, and almost immediately, he held me back.

I heard Remus walk towards us, crouching down and placing a hand on my shoulder. "He'll be okay. He's Sirius."

"That's the problem, ain't it?"

I didn't need to turn around to know that, that voice belonged to Lily Evans.

* * *

><p>I didn't fall asleep that night, and wasn't even startled when Sirius' owl, Tyrell, came to my window at half two. I slid out of bed, careful not to jostle Remus as he slept on my shoulder or Peter, who was leaning against my legs. Unlatching the window, I pulled it open and let Tyrell hop in and onto my desk; he lifted his leg and let me slide the small roll of parchment off.<p>

_Safe. Talk to you soon._

_Padfoot_

I stared at the stupid, insignificant piece of parchment and resisted the urge to rip it into a million tiny pieces. He always fucking did this—acted like no one really gave a shit about it so why should he, Sirius fucking Black, be arsed to talk to them about his life? We were just his family after all. Totally didn't give a shit about him.

Something fell downstairs, followed by a loud curse, and I went to check it out to keep myself from doing something stupid.

When I got downstairs, I followed the light into the kitchen and found my dad pouring himself a tall glass of fire whiskey.

"Welcome home, I see," I muttered, leaning against the doorframe, folding my arms over my chest.

"James," Dad said, surprised. "Why aren't you asleep?"

"Because there's a war out there, Pop," I said, smiling. "And sleep is for the weak."

"Look, son, I've had a hard—"

"A hard night?" I finished, tilting my head to the side. "Have you? Because I just had to leave my best mate in a pub where at least ten Death Eaters had attacked us. And did the aurors come? Well?"

Dad set his glass down, running a hand over his face. I should have felt bad for him. I should have understood that enough people give my dad shit. I should have seen that he was exhausted and just been happy he was back. But I was too angry. And in that moment, that's all I wanted to be.

"James, there was just a lot of miscommunication. We didn't have what we—"

"I WATCHED PEOPLE DIE," I bellowed. I didn't want to hear his bullshit excuses that he fed the public when he fucked up. I was his son. I deserved more than that. "I carried a dead girl—no more than my own age—out of a pub while her friend watched. And you're going to tell me that you didn't have what you needed? I'm seventeen fucking years old. Did I have what I needed, Dad?"

He winced. "You don't get to pick and choose when you're an adult and when you're not—"

"Are you seriously going to reprimand me right now?" I asked in disbelief, shaking my head. "It's your bleeding _job _to be on top of these things. Hell, it's your job to protect me. And you can't even do that."

"How was I to know that—"

"MUM KNEW!" I yelled, cutting across him again. "She knew because she was _here_."

"James, I am your father and you are not going to speak—"

I laughed derisively, rolling my eyes. "Right. Right," I said mockingly. "Well, _Harry_, you don't get to pick and choose when you're a parent and when you're not."

I didn't wait for what he wanted to say to my next and I didn't turn around as I left him in the kitchen.

My mum, Lily, Mary, and Remus were at the bottom of the stairs and I skidded to a halt when I saw them all staring at me. Mum opened her mouth to say something but I held a hand up; I knew all she was going to do was defend him.

I pushed past all of them, going up the stairs back to my room, and riffled through my trunk for my cloak. I didn't want company and I didn't want anyone to "hear me out." All I wanted was to be alone and be angry. At my dad. At Sirius. At Reg. At this ridiculous war. And at myself for not being able to handle all of it.

No one was downstairs when I stepped off the last step, and I didn't hesitate to go out the front door and disapparate off the porch. Rarely did I find myself alone and I became painfully aware of that fact when I materialized miles away from my home in the clearing where Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I went camping once. It had been Remus' idea; he found a muggle photo album of his mum's and saw pictures of her and her brothers in a tent in the woods somewhere. He wanted to do it just like that. No magic.

It was an easier time. We were only fourteen, when everything was new and we were just figuring one another out. We didn't worry about exams or wars—only girls and pranks.

Sighing heavily, I lay down in the grass, looking up at the clear sky above me. The stars didn't look like this at Godric's Hollow.

I was half tempted to turn into my stag, a place no one could bother me, but it didn't feel right without the others. We were brothers; we broke all the rules for one of our own and there was no going back from that. It was like I was betraying them to turn into my animagus without them.

There was no doubt in my mind that they were all looking for me. I wouldn't be surprised if Remus and Peter showed up from behind one of the trees, having remembered how happy I said I was in that forest. I wondered if Remus know where he'd brought us when he asked us to come to Dean Forest with him.

"Sirius is going to be seriously hurt when he realizes you took the crown from him."

"How'd you find me, Evans?" I muttered, shutting my eyes. I felt her sit down in the grass next to me.

"Remus told me how to get here. He's too knackered to deal with you himself."

I nearly smiled. "Is that really why?"

"No," She laughed. "He thought I could show you a different perspective."

"And what perspective would that be?"

"I don't have a dad to yell at anymore," She said in the same way you'd discuss your homework assignment. Like it was a fact. Couldn't be changed. And she was resigned to it. "And I know you're mad, James. I _know_. I was so mad at my parents before they died for leaving me behind and not bothering to check in on me."

I opened my eyes, pushing myself up onto my elbows to look at her. "Lily, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," She shook her head, smiling. "It's okay. I'm okay. I miss them but part of me always knew I'd never say goodbye. Our lives—our worlds—are too different."

"Lily—"

"My point is," She continued, "Is that I waited too long to make things right. I was too blinded by my anger and I lost the moment to fix everything. My parents died without knowing I loved them. That I was honored to say they were my parents."

"You don't understand the situation," I mumbled, knowing I didn't have a leg to stand on.

Lily surprised me by smiling, reaching out to touch my hand. "Then help me understand."

"This is the first time he's been home since I came back for the summer holidays," I started, voice small. No one else knew about my real relationship with my parents besides Peter, Remus, and Sirius. I knew that everyone thought I was a spoiled, rich boy whose parents put him on a silver platter, and maybe at one time that had been the case. "And it's always been like that since he got the promotion. I was so proud of him, proud to say that _my_ dad was the head of all the other aurors."

"And then he stopped coming home," Lily said quietly.

I nodded. "He stopped caring, really. About Quidditch, school, whatever I had going on. His letters got shorter and shorter until he stopped sending 'em. It turned to Mum signing 'Dad sends his love' at the end of every letter she sent me."

Lily lay down next to me, putting her head on my shoulder like I've seen her do to Remus time and time again. Hesitantly, I put an arm around her and tucked her into my side.

"Do you resent him?" She asked.

"Sometimes," I admitted. "Sometimes I wish he'd have picked my mum and I over his career. But I know I can't begrudge him his career."

Lily shook her head. "Sometimes I thought my sister resented me for being who I am because I had to leave. But Petunia didn't hate my magic because she wanted to be with me. She hated it because she didn't have it," Lily explained wisely. "There's a difference between wanting to be with someone and selfishness, James. You just want your dad back."

"I'm not going to be like that," I said firmly. "I'm going to be there for my son when he goes through school."

"Me, too," Lily said quietly. "I don't want my kids to feel like they're missing something when they grow up."

I put my cheek on the top of her head, sighing. "I should probably go back and apologize."

"Probably," Lily said and I could hear her smile. She turned her head to look up at me. "But everyone deserves time."

"We're both messes you know. The pair of us."

"The best people are."

* * *

><p>AN: Again, a lot has happened in this one! I hope everyone noticed the time jump to the end of August!

Until next week!

-S

(tumblr: bebravelily)


	8. Chapter 8--Severus and Lily

Disclaimer: There are things in this chapter that may seem far fetched, completely ridiculous even, but I _urge _you all to trust me and trust I know where this is heading. All of this will tie back into a plot that is much, much, much more canon.

* * *

><p>Sirius Black was a narcissistic, rude idiot and sitting across the table from him as he smiled importantly made me want to hex him right there and then.<p>

I didn't understand why I was being called to Malfoy Manor, but the last thing I was to walk into the formal dining room was to see Black's smug face as he sat at the head of the table. Cissy was doting on him, bringing him drinks and food whenever he needed it, and Bella had yet to make an appearance.

"Do you need anything else, love?" Cissy beamed as she set down a platter of fruit in front of Sirius. I rolled my eyes; I felt bad for whatever son she had in the future.

Sirius picked up a grape and inspected it, popping it in his mouth when he deemed it fit enough apparently. "I'm good, Cissy. Thanks," He said indifferently, smirking when his eyes met mine. "On second thought, I'd rather like you to take the trash out. I can practically smell it from here."

"Clever, Black," I sneered.

"Severus," Cissy warned, narrowing her eyes at me.

"He prefers Snivellus," Sirius said disdainfully, turning his nose up at me. For whatever he liked to pretend with Potter and their merry band of blood traitors, he sure knew how to act like a Black.

"What's the matter, Sirius?" I asked mockingly, tilting my head to the side. "Don't blame the smell of _your_ tainted blood on me."

Before I could blink, Sirius had his wand out and pointed at me, his chair falling to the ground with a crash. Cissy made a surprised noise, jumping slightly, and I saw Regulus, Nick, and Lucius come running in out of the corner of my eye.

Sirius' glare didn't move from my face. "How dare _you_, Snivellus? How dare you compare your blood to mine? You're not even in the same league, mate. You and your dirty, filthy vermin of a _father_—"

"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK OF MY FATHER!" I shouted, drawing my own wand. Less than a second later, I had four more pointed at me but I didn't care; I didn't know why they needed to keep Black alive but I didn't give a damn either. _No_ _one_ spoke of my father. Not even Lily.

Sirius chuckled darkly, waving his wand so his chair was upright again. He sat down with a flourish, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back. "Oh, don't go acting noble now, Snivellus. Don't forget how you feel about people like you father. Why, just ask Lily if you'd like a reminder."

"Lily?" Nick repeated, frowning at me. "What does Evans have to do with anything?"

"Oh," Sirius laughed, shaking his head in disbelief, and slapping his knee. "They don't _know_, do they?"

"Know what?" Reg asked.

I ground my teeth together, debating how fast I could kill Black and disapparate out without one of them catching me. The idea of sitting in prison—or worse—my whole life over Black didn't sound too appealing though.

He chuckled again, a glint of triumph in his black eyes. "Know that your pal here is in love with a muggle born, Reggy? Snape here has been mooning over Lily Evans since before Hogwarts."

"You no good, dirty—"

"In fact," Sirius said, raising his voice and straightening up in his high backed chair. "In fact, he only lives just down the street, don't you, Snivellus? Right down the street from Lily Evans. Funny, ain't it?"

I felt my face heat up; for everything that I thought of Black, he was perceptive. How is it that he remembers that I live near her? He must have only heard it in passing and yet, he's already found me out.

But of course, I wasn't going to let him win. "Hilarious," I said, smiling definitely. "What's your point? Even your parents live near mudbloods and muggles. It's not our fault such filth is allowed to live so close to us."

"I wonder if Lily would find it funny," Sirius smirked, unperturbed by my indifference. "She must have forgotten. We had a party at her house at the beginning of the summer but your invitation must have gotten lost in the post, Snivellus."

And that was it. He knew. He knew it was me and he was going to threaten me with it, threaten to tell Lily and have her hate me for all of eternity.

I kept my mouth shut, grinding my teeth together, as Sirius kicked his feet back on the table, smiling sardonically at me. All eyes were on us—my friends who knew what I had done and didn't understand the problem; Cissy, who looked cross at me from riling up Sirius; Regulus, who looked from his brother to me, clearly confused and worried about our exchange.

The silence was broken when Bellatrix walked into the room, eyes only on Sirius.

"Bella," Sirius said, pushing back his chair to greet her. "It's been so long."

Her lip curled at the sight of his muggle clothes, the way he pinned his hair back in a hair tie. "Sirius," She said curtly.

"Oh, Bella," Sirius smiled. "Don't be like that."

"How's the boyfriend?" She sneered.

Sirius' face hardened. "He's fine."

"Don't tease him, Bella," Narcissa chided, putting her hands on Sirius' shoulders. "Sirius has come back to us now and it's time we were a family again."

"How can we be so sure?" Bellatrix snapped. "How do we know he's fit to serve the Dark Lord?"

"Bella, I've got places to be," Sirius sighed dramatically, examining his finger nails, "so I'd quite like to get this show on the road. What does he want with me?"

"Sirius," Regulus warned.

Sirius' head snapped up, narrowing them at his little brother. "I'm sorry, Regulus, did I speak to _you_? No, I don't think that I did."

"See," Cissy said, smiling indulgently at him as Bellatrix rolled her eyes. "He is a Black."

Sirius stiffened. "If only Mother could be here to see it," He said flatly.

"We could invite her over," Cissy smiled, pulling his hair out of the bun he had it in and smoothing it down. "Would you like that, Sirius?"

"Oh, I'd like nothing more than to see my good mother," Sirius deadpanned.

Regulus chuckled, turning it into a cough when Sirius turned his disdainful gaze onto him. I must truly be surrounded by idiots if none of them realized that Black was as much a Death Eater as Dumbledore was. He had a motive in being here; I didn't know what, but I planned on finding out.

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

When James said that he wanted to come with us to Diagon Alley to get supplies, I knew what he really wanted was to catch Sirius coming or going from his flat. It had been a week since we left Sirius at that pub with his brother and it was obvious that James was becoming uncomfortable. Paranoid. Irrational.

Remus and Peter had been spending most nights at the Potter's as James started to have nightmares. Apparently, back at Hogwarts, Remus had nightmares every month around the full moon and the boys had become accustomed to dealing with them. When I asked Remus why they did it so much, he said, "I'm returning the favor."

Marlene and James were walking ahead of Mary, Alice, and I couldn't help but watch James joking around with her, looking the happiest he'd been all week.

"Lily," Alice whispered, nudging me. "You're staring, darling."

"What?" I frowned, pulling my gaze away from James to Alice. She asked to come because she needed to get something for Frank's birthday next week on the first. Her best friend, Pandora, had offered to make Frank something for Alice's gift but she kindly declined; Pandora had a penchant for things that tended to explode.

Alice smirked. "You were staring at James Potter."

"I was not," I said, rolling my eyes. "I was just observing."

"Observing what?" Mary asked, holding onto my arm and peering into a shop window as we passed.

"I heard you went on a date last night, Mary," I smiled, effectively changing the subject. It wasn't a secret that Mary loved to talk about her love life to anyone who'd listen. I remember spending most of third year listening her wax poetics about Sirius Black's "raven hair" and "soulful eyes."

Alice rolled her eyes, smiling slightly, as Mary's face lit up. "Oh yes, _Dorcas_ set us up actually. His name is Reginald and he's just started at the Ministry," She gushed. "He's not usually my type but he's _so_ nice."

"You never know," I said, "he might end up your husband one day."

Mary giggled. "Oh, Lily, don't say things like that. We're too young."

"Hey now," Alice laughed, shoving Mary's shoulder. "You're never too young when it's right."

"Of course _you'd_ say that," Mary smirked.

"Lily," Marlene called, looking over her shoulder. She was scowling, an indicator that James' had gotten the upper hand on her, and I braced myself for her bad mood. "James needed to get potions supplies and Mary and I don't take potions. Go ahead with him and we'll meet you in Madame Malkin's."

I rolled my eyes, looping my arm through James' when I approached him. "Marlene, if you wanted me to get James out of your hair, you just had to say so."

"She's just mad I out reasoned her about the National Team," James smirked at Marlene.

"Don't take the piss," I chided, grinning.

Marlene huffed. "You're a prat, James Potter. The biggest prat there is and a complete embarrassment to Remus, who is a complete saint for associating with you."

"Don't try to get on my sweet side now, McKinnon," said James breezily.

"Fuck off," Marlene muttered as Mary and Alice pulled her away, giggling at how red her face was turning.

"She's great," James grinned as we started walking towards the Apothecary. "Really, I don't think I've met a girl like Marlene."

I laughed. "You might want to watch it, James. Marlene won't hesitate to hex you."

"Don't I know it," He said cheerily. "It's part of the excitement."

"You have a death wish, Potter, I swear."

"Then why are you along for the ride?"

"Life would be boring without you boys," I grinned.

I didn't realize until that moment how much the four of them came to mean to me this past summer. Remus and I always got on, but when I was around the lot of them, I felt at peace. I always knew that their pranks were ingenious—turning the stairs into slides being my favorite—but I never really appreciated the brilliance that went behind them. And when they were all together…it was magnetic. Being allowed entrance in their club made me feel important, like I was part of something big. I finally understood the fascination with James Potter's messy hair, Remus Lupin's scars, Peter Pettigrew's knowing smile, and Sirius Black's vanity.

James opened the door for me before entering the shop and I smiled at him gratefully as I walked inside. The smells of brewing potion hit me—lavender soap, pine, and the smell before it rains—when I walked past a copper cauldron, the sign for Amortentia hanging over it. James made a beeline for the messy shelves full of ingredients while I went towards the back, where there was a display to honor famous witches and wizards in Potions.

"Evans," James called. I tore my eyes away from a picture of Nicolas Flamel and looked over my shoulder. "Evans, near the wolfsbane."

"Coming," I said, smiling apologetically at the shopkeeper as I went over to where James was. "What is it, Potter?"

"Look," He said, grabbing my shoulders to turn me towards the window.

I squinted my eyes, trying to see where he was pointing, when Sirius and his brother Regulus came into view. "Why is-?"

"I don't know," James said sadly. "I don't know why they're together."

"Oh, James," I said, turning to wrap my arms around his torso—he was too damn tall for me to hug anything else. "It's alright, mate. It's just his brother."

James rested his chin on top of my head and sighed, the vibration ringing in my ear. "I don't want him to do anything stupid."

"I think that's already been determined that everything Sirius gets into will be stupid," I teased but James didn't take his eyes off of Sirius, didn't even acknowledge that I made a joke. I knew that he was already upset that Sirius seemed to be pulling away; Merlin knows what was going through his mind seeing his best mate with his troubled brother. "But he won't do anything _evil_. We have to believe in him."

But even as the words left my mouth, I knew that things weren't right. Sirius had swore up and down that he wanted nothing to do with his brother as long as he was mixed up with that crowd. I found it hard to believe that Regulus had jumped ship, however, especially seeing as he went along to that pub that night and was responsible for at least a dozen muggle deaths.

However, I also found it hard to believe that Sirius had jumped _on; _something wasn't right about all of this. Sirius hated his family. He hated their elitist behavior and the old world mentality. Crest loyalty and all that pureblood good stuff.

He had to be protecting his brother. That was the only option I found plausible. I knew that Sirius Black was good and kind and loyal, even when the world believed the opposite.

James ran a hand through his hair, staring longingly out the window as Sirius and his brother disappeared from view. "We should follow them," He said suddenly.

"No, we shouldn't," I started to say but it was too late; James was already taking out his cloak, threw it over us, and started to pull me out of the shop. "James—"

"Shut up for a second," James said under his breath.

"But—"

"He will hear us, Evans," He snapped. I shut my mouth and glowered at the back of his head. Despite my better judgment, I kept close to James as we followed Sirius and Regulus towards Knockturn Alley. Regulus pulled his cloak higher over his head and Sirius' arm twitched, almost like he was going to put it around his brother but thought better of it.

I heard James' sharp intake of breath as Sirius pulled out his wand, pointing it at an elderly woman and a young boy as they eyed the two brothers. Before James could do anything stupidly heroic though, Sirius' lips moved and the two turned in the opposite direction, looking confounded.

"See," I mumbled.

"I'm really going to need you to take the sass down a notch."

"And I'm really going to need you to calm down before you blow our cover."

James narrowed his eyes at me. "I'm sorry I'm concerned for our friend."

"You're not just concerned, Potter; you're practically having convulsions."

"Fair enough," James conceded, wrapping his fingers around my wrist to tug me forward again.

"Where do you think they're going?" I asked after a while of walking down the narrow alleyways. The stench of raw fish and mildew started to cling to my clothes and I fought the urge to vomit.

"If I knew where they were going, I wouldn't be following them now, would I?" James said flatly.

I raised an eyebrow. "_You_ can cut the attitude, Potter. It was a simple question."

"Sorry," He muttered, turning red. If I was being fair—which I never was with James—I wouldn't have faulted James for his attitude. Knowing Sirius was doing something questionable was enough to ruffle even James Potter's feathers.

James backed me against the side of a building, standing in front of me as two other men walked out of the side of another building across the way to meet Sirius and Regulus. We weren't close enough to hear what they were saying but I could just barely make out what they looked like underneath their hoods.

I tugged the sleeve of James' shirt.

"James," I whispered urgently. "James, that's Francis Nott—h—he was one of the guys they're looking for."

"That's Rosier, innit?" James said under his breath. He reached back and I felt his hand touch my side, almost protectively.

"What do we do?"

"We could always grab him. Shake him around a little bit. Ask what the hell has gotten into him."

"Or we could leave and try to talk to someone else about this….I'd rather like to live. Get new quills first at the very least."

"Where's the Lily that turned all the crystal balls into cheese so we didn't have to do Divination in third? Where's the Lily that stole Oscar Wood's broom and flew up to the tower to get her textbook during Herbology? Where's the Lily that—"

"I got it," I said, holding up my hand. I didn't have to be facing him to know he was smirking at me. "But that was at school, James. This isn't like that; these people won't hesitate to hurt us."

"Sirius wouldn't hurt us," James said immediately, sounding awfully wounded.

I rolled my eyes. He was too sensitive sometimes. "Yes, but there are still three other people over there who most definitely would hurt us."

"Fine. Let's go then," James sighed, shaking his head.

"He'll be okay," I promised as James and I walked back towards Diagon Alley, James giving Sirius one last look before turning his back on his best mate.

"I know he will be. He's Sirius. " And I didn't know if he was telling me or himself.

* * *

><p><em>September <em>

James made me promise not to say anything about what we saw when we were shopping, and when Alice and the girls asked what took so long, I said we got caught up in the Owlery on our way to Malkin's.

Remus was another story, however; he didn't buy the excuses that James and I had when he caught wind of our little excursion.

"So where did you say you two went?" Remus asked on our way to the prefect's compartment. James had told us that he'd catch up with us, and I was under the suspicion that he was feeling nervous with the shiny new addition to his uniform robes.

Well, that and Sirius had yet to make an appearance on the train.

I adjusted my hair, fluffing my bangs out of my face in the way that Mary had shown me so they looked windswept _enough_ but not to the point of trying too hard.

"Eeylops," I answered for what seemed like the hundredth time that week. "James saw a Snowy Owl that caught his eye and wanted to get a better look."

"But he has Felix."

"Felix has been flying sideways," I shrugged, averting my eyes. "He's getting old is all, and James wanted to get another so Felix wouldn't have to work as hard."

Remus pursed his lips. "I see."

"Yeah," I said, smiling weakly. "Anyway, how are you feeling?"

"Better," said Remus quietly, keeping his head down. I noticed his robes weren't as shabby as they usually were; I heard from Peter that Mrs. Potter had bought Remus new robes for the year as a gift but I didn't think Mrs. Lupin would actually let her. She was sweet and giving but she also had an amount of pride that kept her from asking for help from the Potters, even though they offered frequently according to Peter and Sirius. "Mum forgot to lock the basement though and I nearly got out, but Peter was at the door waiting for me. It was sorted in the end."

I slipped my arms around his thin torso and leaned my head against his side, sighing. "I worry so much, Remus. Sometimes I wish I didn't act like such a prat all those years and turned with Sirius, James, and Peter."

"I wonder what you'd be," Remus chuckled.

"My patronus is a fox," I reminded him. "I'd venture to say that my animagus would be the same."

"I remember Professor Asher's face when he saw your patronus in third," Remus reminisced. "The first in our year to produce a corporal patronus. I also remember Amycus' face when she realized you'd out done her again."

I smiled, flushing with pleasure at the memory of Amycus Carrow turning bright red, steam practically coming out of her ears, when my little fox danced around her. Neither her nor her brother could produce even a wisp of mist from their wands.

Remus slid open the door for us before we stepped into the compartment, all heads turning to us. Almost immediately, all our fellow Gryffindor's, Hufflepuffs, and even a few Ravenclaws, got to their feet and applauded.

"Oh Merlin," I laughed, waving my hand in the air so they'd stop. "Guys, please."

"No one deserves it more than you, Lily," Amelia Bones beamed as Remus and I passed.

I squeezed her hand, smiling thankfully. "You're too sweet, Ames. Really, thank you."

"Knew you two would get it," Mitchell Corners added, nodding his head at Remus and I.

Remus turned bright red. "Oh no, mate, I'm not—"

"I'm actually Head Boy, Corners, but thank you all the same."

All heads turned to the door as a rather uncomfortable James Potter shut the door behind him, running a hand through his messy, long hair. He bit his lip, making his way to the head of the table where Remus and I stood, ignoring everyone's shocked looks.

I smiled encouragingly at him when he came to stand at my side, Remus sliding into an empty seat to the right.

"But you're not a prefect," Amos Diggory said, breaking the silence.

James lifted his chin, eyeing Amos with utmost disdain. "Very astute of you, Amos. You're right, I am not a prefect. _I _am Head Boy," James said patronizingly. "Been keeping up with your studies over the summer, mate? Mummy been reading you chapter books again?"

There was a collective sigh; it wasn't a secret that Amos and James hated one another.

It started when Hufflepuff nearly beat us for the cup. Amos had caught the snitch first but James was too busy scoring on the field to care, bringing us to such a score that not even the snitch could beat. Amos hadn't forgotten the loss and James hadn't forgotten the way Amos tried to knock him off his broom when he realized Gryffindor had won after all.

Amos puffed out his chest, looking impressively haughty, the smuggest I'd ever seen and I spent most of my summer with Sirius Black. "Your old jokes won't work on me this year, Potter. Let's just leave our words for the pitch, shall we?"

"You mean the pitch I've destroyed you on every year I've been captain?" James shot back, putting both hands on the table.

"That's enough," I snapped, glaring at James before addressing the whole room. "I know it's a bit of a shock that Jam—er, Potter is Head Boy but Dumbledore picked him and I think it's always the best bet to just trust his judgment, yeah?"

"I second that," Remus said quietly.

James stared at him, obviously shocked by his friend's sudden change from bland indifference, but I cut in before he had the chance to derail this meeting even further.

"And," I continued, "I really think this will be a good year. Rounds this year will be sorted by house and then age—Gryffindor's will handle Mondays, the fifth years starting after dinner until 7, the sixth years going till 8, and the seventh years handling patrols until curfew. Ravenclaws will take Tuesday, Hufflepuffs Wednesday, Slytherin's Thursday, and James and I will handle Fridays for all shifts but that may be subject to change if there are scheduling issues."

"And by that," James said, coming in just like we rehearsed at his house last night. He made me agree to come over so we could go over the agenda and I had to admire his dedication; it really seemed like he was trying his hardest not to muck this up. "She means Quidditch. I'll be handling pitch requests this term so send all captains to me, which the Heads of Houses will approve after me."

"Hogsmeade weekends will also be finalized by the Heads after Potter and I plan the schedule but we'd love to have any input from all of you as you all are part of more clubs than what James and I belong to collectively," I said, smiling warmly at the students listening intently. One thing I loved about the job was the leadership—giving orders, making plans, organizing. There was a kind of satisfaction that came with creating order. "We're shooting for the third weekend of October for our first weekend but that's subject to change of course."

"We'd also like all of you to post these information flyers in all of your common rooms," James said, waving his hand over the table—a stack of bright blue, yellow, red, and green flyers appeared with words scrolling in black ink, the words "SAFETY TIPS AND DEFENSE METHODS" in bold.

I turned to the group of fifth years by the door. "And we'd like all fifth years to start off patrols—keep away from Slughorn's compartment if you can help it. He'll try to snatch some of you away and you need to alert the sixth years when you're done so they can take over.

"Gryffindor prefects just come over to Potter to receive the password. Slytherins, Emma has yours. And the rest of you may leave," I finished, gesturing towards James. All of the girls in the compartment gave him looks—ranging from shy smile to demure grins—and he smirked arrogantly at the attention. I rolled my eyes before turning my attention to the rest of the students. "I know this will just be a great year, you lot. Good luck."

As soon as the words left my mouth, a group of girls convened on James, forcing him over to the window as they pushed forward to get closer to him. I stifled a grin as I collected my things and looked up in time to see a head of black hair slip out of the compartment amidst the chaos.

* * *

><p>After making sure all of the first year students were settled into their common rooms, I trudged up the stairs towards the seventh year dorms and took a deep breath before opening the door.<p>

Every year Dorcas and Mary argued over which bed they wanted even though _every year _they ended up in the exact same bed. It was dumb, and I knew it was dumb, but I couldn't exactly tell Mary I thought she was being dumb when she was in the middle of an argument.

Usually I let Marlene handle that one.

Except, when I finally opened the door, all of the girls seemed to be fine—no crying, no screaming, and no flying hairbrushes.

Marlene was the first to grab me, whispering in my ear, "Apparently Mary feels indebted to Dorcas for introducing her to Reginald."

I raised an eyebrow, smirking. "That's all it took? A man for a man?"

"Seems like it," Marlene rolled her eyes. Marlene tended to lose patience when it came to things that other girls revel in. "How are the little ones?"

"Precious and bright eyed as per usual."

"Yeah but how many little girls hung on your every word and how many little boys had their very first boners?"

"Marlene," I gasped, feigning offense but laughing despite myself. I walked over to my bed and threw open my trunk, bending down to find my dressing gown. "You can't say things like that about first years; they're only eleven years old!"

"I was eleven years old when Greg Thomas tried to touch my boob," Marlene reminded me as she sat down at the edge of our bed, facing me. "You're never too young to learn about your body."

I covered my ears with my hands, squishing my eyes closed and shaking my head like an upset five year old. "I can't hear this. The last thing I want to picture is little Steven Bellsbey popping a boner when I went over proper bathroom etiquette."

"Lily, what are you doing?" Emmeline asked as she walked back into the common room, tying her robe around her waist.

"Looking for my dressing gown."

"Yes but why are you on your knees looking for it?"

I frowned, pulling my eyebrows together. "I don't—"

"She means, why aren't you using your wand?" Mary clarified, braiding her hair into a long plait over her shoulder. She rolled her eyes meaningful for Marlene and my benefit and I realized why Emmeline was so confused—as a pureblood, she didn't understand that most people's first instincts weren't to whip out their wands for every little thing.

Locating my dressing gown—a gift from my mum last Christmas—I pulled it out of my trunk with my toiletries, closing the lid before heading towards the bathrooms. I was just about to push the door open when I heard voices from the common room; with a frown, I quietly made my way down the stairs, ready to reprimand whoever it was making noises after curfew.

Peter was standing by the entrance of the common room, his arms wrapped around a small girl with perfect blonde hair. I covered my mouth, stifling the surprised gasp that almost escaped my lips, and slowly started to back away from the scene. When I was sure they couldn't hear me, I ran back up the stairs, trying to erase the images of Peter snogging some girl out of my mind.

It wasn't until I was safely tucked away in the loo that allowed myself to react, a short laugh echoing in the vast room. That short laugh turned into uncontrollable giggles, which turned into full on hysterics.

Peter. Peter and a girl. Peter and a girl in the common room, alone. Peter and a girl in the common room, alone, snogging.

Oh, Marlene was going to lose her mind.

* * *

><p>AN: Hello all! Another early update! I lack the patience to be a professional it seems :)

I hope everyone noted another time jump because we have officially moved onto September! The gang has started their final year at Hogwarts with the start of this chapter.

I would just like to say a massive thank you to the review **ForensicGeek2 **left! I always appreciate my anon reviews and what you said made my heart soar. Thank you so much.

-S

(writing tumblr: bebravelily: everyone is more than welcome to hop on over to read the Haunted House drabble I wrote that elaborates on Peter's birthday!)


	9. Chapter 9--James and Lily

A/N: To start this off, I'd like to address an anon review I received from **ForensicGeek2** again! First things first is thank you. I write because I love it and I want constructive critism to better myself and my passion. I understand the concern with the drug thing-which is why I put the disclaimer-and I won't mention it again. I have one more prewritten chapter that has it in it but I'll make an effort not to add it anymore after that. Before I started writing, I was on tumblr a lot looking for inspiration and saw a text book that mentioned a head canon with the Marauder's dabbling with marijuana because of the times. I thought it was funny, and I personally don't have an issue with _other _people smoking weed-other drugs are a different story-but I 100% understand that some people do have issues. The reason I added it was because I felt like it made them seem more like teenagers and recognized the comedic value. But all I want is to create a story that can universally be enjoyed and the last thing I want is to make anyone uncomfortable or put off.

So to sum this long winded note up, I will do my best at addressing your concerns and after the other chapter with the mention of drugs, will not be adding it anymore. I'll add another disclaimer when I do post it so if you'd like to not read it, I'll understand.

* * *

><p>I woke up with a start, sitting straight up in my bed. I waited, thinking I'd hear another noise, but was greeted with silence; I was about to go back to bed when I heard something knock into another bed, someone curse under their breath. Quickly, I pulled apart one of my curtains and pointed my wand at the intruder, thinking <em>Lumos <em>in the back of my mind.

"Oi, mate, put that thing away, would you?"

"Sirius?" I whispered, lowering my wand. Sirius shielded his eyes, squinting into the darkness, as he started to loosen his uniform tie. "Where have you been?"

He turned his back on me, tossing his tie on the floor and starting on his buttons. "I've been round."

"Not around me," I shot back, climbing out of bed. "What's going on with you?"

"Ladies, can you have this powwow in the morning please?" Remus muttered from within his red curtains.

I ignored him, walking closer to Sirius. "Seriously, mate, I haven't seen you in over a week. Where have you been lately?"

"I've got things to sort out with the flat is all," Sirius shrugged before adding somewhat bitterly, "you're not the only one with a life, you know."

"Never said that I was," I said, taking a step back. I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice; I wasn't used to my mates being angry with me, least of all Sirius. He was my brother for life.

"While you're off running around with—" He stopped himself, freezing for a moment before shaking his head and pulling off his shirt. "Doesn't matter. I've got business to sort, which I have. That's it. I'll be around more often."

"Sirius—"

"Just drop it, James," He interrupted harshly, turning to narrow his black eyes at me. "I'm exhausted and I'd really like to sleep for classes tomorrow."

"Here, here," Remus mumbled.

"Shut up, Mooney," Sirius and I snapped at the same time. We looked at each other for what felt like hours but was really only a moment, and I couldn't help but notice how tired he looked. There were dark purple bags under his eyes that contrasted with his neatly brushed hair and freshly ironed uniform. For the first time since he had moved out, Sirius looked—well, he looked, looked after.

I didn't say another word as I got back into bed, closing the curtain shut behind me, and lay my head back down on the pillow. Part of me—the bitter, resentful part—tried to block out all sounds of Sirius as he got ready for bed, but the other part—the one who missed his mate—was just glad to hear something, _anything_, from him again.

* * *

><p>Despite Remus' best efforts to be up first thing in the morning, he was still sleeping by the time I pulled my robes on, and I ended up heading down to breakfast alone.<p>

It was the first time I had been to the Great Hall without one of my best mates since I had been at Hogwarts and I found myself scanning the table for anyone familiar; there was Sturgis and Benjy near the staff table, Gideon and Fabian chatting with their brother-in-law Bilius, Richard Davies trying to speak to an indifferent Mary, and Marlene sitting a few feet away with a letter in front of her bowl.

Sighing, I hiked my backpack further up my shoulder and made my way over to Marlene, where I was sure she'd find at least five things wrong with me at first glance.

"Morning, McKinnon," I greeted warily as I sat down across from her.

She lifted her eyes from her parchment and arched a brow. "Is something wrong, Potter?" Marlene asked, tucking her letter inside her robes.

"There aren't any kippers today but other than that, no," I said distractedly as I started to pile food on my plate.

"Where is your band of idiots?"

"Where's yours?"

Marlene leaned forward, smirking. "I'll be sure to tell Lily that you just called her an idiot then."

"Right, and I'll just go ahead and tell Remus that you called him one as well."

She balked. "What are you insinuating, Potter? I don't—he's—it's not—"

"I've seen the way you look at him, McKinnon," I said before popping a home fry in my mouth. "You play coy but I know your game. Always bickering with Sirius but looking at Remus, always finding some way to undermine the rest of us to compliment him—you're not as cool as you think you are, Marlene."

Marlene set down her spoon, brushing her hair out of her face and looking impressively haughty. "I don't know what you _think_ you've figured out, Potter, but you couldn't be more far off from—"

"I'm not going to tell him," I said, cutting through her. I knew a thing or two about falling for someone you shouldn't, and I was the last person who'd tell on her. Remus needed love but he needed to learn how to accept it on his own terms first. "I saw the way you chased after him at the pub over the summer. You care for him. Remus could use more people to care for him besides us, Lily, and our mums." I paused, deciding whether or not it was worth mentioning. "Does—does Lily know?"

"Of course she does," Marlene said almost immediately, frowning. "Her and Mary are my best mates."

"And you don't mind that they're so…close?"

"Are you asking if I'm jealous, Potter?" She clarified, knitting her brows together. When I didn't say anything, she shook her head. "No, I'm not jealous because that's who Lily is, James. I thought you knew that by now."

I felt myself burn up with embarrassment. "Ah."

She tilted her head, searching my face with her almond shaped eyes. "Are you-?"

"Good morning," Lily greeted happily as she sat down next to Marlene, setting a platter of kippers down in front of me. "Thomas Cho let me take some kippers over from the Ravenclaws; isn't he just the sweetest? I noticed we didn't have any when I came in."

Apparently Marlene found Lily's need for kippers extremely funny as she smiled into her bowl of porridge secretively. I ignored her, shooting Lily a grateful smile.

"Thanks, Evans."

"Where's McGonagall?" She asked as she spooned fruit onto her plate. "Has she passed out schedules yet?"

"She's been sorting out the sixth years. Apparently Xenophilius Lovegood thought it'd be a right laugh to lie about his Owls and held up the whole thing," Marlene explained, rolling her eyes. She nodded towards the table between the Hufflepuffs and the Slytherins, where McGonagall was glaring daggers at a waspy boy with platinum hair. "The wank even lied about his Transfiguration grade like McGonagall didn't know what it was."

"Not very clever, is he?" I commented.

"He probably thought some sort of flying newt would keep him safe from McGonagall's wrath."

Lily snorted into her juice but quickly recovered, putting a hand over her mouth to hide her grin. "Be nice," She chided. "Xenophillus is a lovely guy. He's the only one that helps Pandora with her potions."

"He's the only one mad enough to do it!" I laughed, imagining Pandora's potion exploding and throwing soot all over the eccentric pair. "When Sluggy says add two drops and medium fire, it doesn't mean add ten and burn the damn thing."

"Oh, don't exaggerate."

"I'm serious!" I insisted. "I fear for my life every day I enter that dungeon."

"Speaking of serious—why does Black look like he had a house fall on him?" Marlene mumbled, pointing her spoon at the entrance. Lily and I both turned to where she indicated, where, sure enough, Sirius was sauntering in. His hair wasn't in it's usual bun, instead looking more like a silk curtain around his face; his uniform was still impeccable, a far cry from the usually rumpled state his clothes were in as he just picks up whatever's closest on the floor; but despite his fine grooming and impeccable dress, there were still bags under his eyes, a permanent frown etched on his usually cheery face. Sirius looked ten years older since the summer.

He didn't even glance at me or the girls as he walked to the end of the table, where he sat down opposite Gideon and Fabian, next to Bilius. All three boys hesitated before greeting him, looking at me from the corner of their eyes.

I turned away quickly, my face heating up as I glowered into my eggs.

I felt a hand touch my arm and looked up, meeting Lily's understanding green eyes. Even Marlene smiled at me instead of ribbing me for my best mate's indifference. For the first time since I met Sirius, Remus, and Peter, I felt like there was another group of people who cared for me, cared for me as more than just James Potter: marauder, captain, and all around jerk.

When Remus and Peter came to sit with us, conversation flowed again as the topic turned to plans for Marlene's birthday the next weekend. Peter had managed to smuggle fire whiskey from his uncle's store and Remus was sure he could convince the elves to supply the food and juice like they did for most of our parties.

I was laughing at Remus' impression of a particularly helpful elf, Robbie, when someone cleared their throat behind me.

Lily was the first to sober up, putting on her best smile and tucking a hair behind her ear. "Good morning, Professor. Had a good summer?"

"It was busy," McGonagall responded. "I hope you could make the best of yours, Miss Evans. You have quite the group here to keep your spirits up."

"They're alright," Lily said dryly, a small smirk toying at her lips.

I turned in my seat, quickly wrapping my arms around McGonagall's torso before she could protest. "I've missed you so much, Minnie," I sighed happily.

"Potter, get off of me," McGonagall ordered firmly, though I was sure I heard a hint of amusement, breaking through her sternness. "I have schedules to give out so you and your friends can get to class."

"I hope I have Transfiguration first," I said as I released her, smiling cheerily up at her as she loomed over me.

"I could only be so lucky—now here we are—Remus, yes, there you go—Miss McKinnon, I know Professor Flitwick will be happy to see you—Miss Evans, of course, quite the load—er," She frowned, hand hovering over another schedule sheet. She looked around our group, searching for a particular face. "Where's Black?"

I looked away, the color draining from my face; Peter squirmed in his seat, obviously uncomfortable; Remus scratched his head, looking anywhere but at Professor McGonagall; again, it was Lily who saved us.

She got to her feet, holding out her hand. "I'll bring it to him, Professor. I wanted to get to Defense Against the Dark Arts early anyway to speak to Professor Clearborn."

"Right," McGonagall said, knitting her brows together in confusion as she handed Lily Sirius' schedule. She watched Lily walk away before turning to me. "Um, well, here is your schedule Potter. I'll see you next period."

"Thank you, Professor," I mumbled, taking my schedule from her and looking back down at my now cold breakfast. I felt her eyes on me a second longer than necessary before she went on to the next group of students, every once in a while glancing back at Remus, Peter, and I, concern clear on her face.

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

It wasn't like Sirius to skip class for no reason. I knew firsthand that he hated to feel behind, hated to ask for help, and it was completely out of character for him to not get his schedule from Professor McGonagall. He always liked to plan out his breaks before class.

He wasn't in the dining hall anymore when McGonagall gave us our schedules, and I wasn't sure if he'd even be here, but I knew it was better safe than sorry. So I climbed the steps all the way to the Astronomy tower, knowing damn well that I'd be late for DADA. Missing class wasn't a concern of mine, however; I was sure there were some perks to being Head Girl after all.

When I climbed the last stone step, being sure to watch the wonky one on the second to last step, I saw Sirius staring gloomily over the rail, looking the picture of teen angst. My heart jumped, torn between relief that I found him and concern for my friend.

"I wish I could have brought my polaroid with me," I said softly, as to not startle him. It probably wasn't smart to startle someone when they were dangerous close to the edge of a tower. "The morning sunlight does wonders for your angles."

"What do you want, Evans?" Sirius exhaled. It sounded half hearted, tired, like he didn't even have enough energy to rib me like he always did.

"Not one for banter this morning," I said, smiling, as I came to stand next to him. I waited for him to say something and sighed when he didn't. "Look, Sirius, I don't know what's up with you and the others, but James is upset and—"

"Since when was it _James_?" Sirius interrupted, shaking his head. "I didn't even realize you knew he had a first name."

I took a step back, disconcerted by his anger. "I've called him that all summer, you know that. James and I are—"

"Friends, was it?" Sirius finished flatly. "Yes, I've heard the news. Alert the media."

"What the hell is your problem?" I snapped, putting a hand on my hip. "I've never done anything to you, Sirius, but be your friend. I _thought_ we were friends."

"You seem to have a lot of friends, Evans."

"So what? Why are you even doing this? You're hurting the others; you have to know that."

Sirius looked away from me, his hair blowing slightly in the breeze. If I wasn't so mad at him, I would have said he looked beautiful. "There's more in life than just this, Lily," He said quietly after a moment of silence. "There's more than what you think there is. I'm not Snape; you can't try to fix me like you tried to fix him.""

Mentioning Severus wasn't malicious for once; Sirius seemed too down to try his old tricks. But he couldn't have been more off if he had tried. I was too young to try to fix Severus when we met, too young to understand that some people needed to be helped. I was so young that I allowed myself to let Severus into the parts of my heart that Petunia had left wide open, and I ended up getting my heart broken over it. Severus was too far gone to be helped. I knew that now.

But Sirius was right about one thing; he wasn't Severus. He was kind and compassionate and _good_. No matter what his last name said, what his upbringing demanded, he was a good person who based other people off of their merit, not blood.

Sirius loved. I wasn't even sure Severus knew how to properly love someone.

"There's nothing to be fixed," I said, somewhat earnestly if I was being honest. Cautiously, I stepped closer to him, and encouraged when he didn't flinch away, brushed his hair out of his face. There was too much of it without his little buns, and idly, I wondered why he hadn't been wearing them anymore. "They miss their brother, Sirius. Hell, I miss you."

Sirius hesitated before touching my hand on his shoulder, giving it a tiny squeeze. "I'm still here, Lily. I'm just…going through some stuff right now. But it'll be fine. I'm fine." He stopped, turning to me suddenly and gripping my shoulders. "I _have_ to do this though. Do you understand that? Whatever I'm doing, even if you all don't understand it, I _have _to do this."

"Sirius—"

"Please, Lily," He said urgently. "Please understand."

I stared into his scared, helpless face and for the first time since I've met him, I felt pity for Sirius Black. I knew what it was like to so desperately want someone to understand your intentions, your reasons why. And I've been—I am—in a position where that person has failed you.

"I understand, Sirius," I nodded, holding my arms out. He didn't hesitate, walking right into them and putting his head on my shoulder. I felt him shudder as silent sobs rocked his body and I couldn't help but wonder what's happened to him.

I don't know how long Sirius and I stayed up in that tower together, but I did know that, that wasn't nearly enough time for Sirius. When I told him it was time to go, he seemed afraid, like I asked him to give up his magic or hurt his mates. I held his hand all the way back to the common room, which was empty since it was the middle of the morning, and I let him fall asleep on my lap as we sat on the couch.

I was brushing his hair with my fingers when I heard someone crawl through the portrait hole. Craning my neck, I watched the hallway until Remus materialized, jumping when he saw me staring at him.

"What are you-?"

"Shh," I said quickly, nodding towards Sirius. "He's sleeping."

Remus moved closer to us, pulling his eyebrows together when he saw Sirius on my lap. "Why is he sleeping?" He asked softly.

"He's exhausted, Remus," I whispered, looking down at Sirius' resting form. He seemed so much smaller when he was sleeping, like a little boy. He cuddled more into my leg, a contented sound coming from the back of his throat like a dog. It made me wonder if he ever had the chance to cuddle with his own mum growing up. "Missing a few classes won't kill him."

"What about you then?" Remus shot back as he sat down in one of the armchairs. "You're Head Girl, Lily. James is starting to look better than you."

"What's your excuse then?" I muttered, choosing to ignore his last comment. I tried hard enough to stay at the top of our class; the last thing I needed was the reminder that James was edging me out. He was already too close for comfort.

He shrugged. "We're learning about unicorns in Care for Magical Creatures. They, er, react a little oddly when they're around me…."

"I see," I said softly. I could only imagine Remus' face when the unicorns started to go into a frenzy when he approached them. It was the one class he took without the others and I was sure he felt overwhelmed without one of his mates by his side. Absentmindedly, I wondered what his excuse was to leave class early.

"Marlene was the one who helped me out of class," Remus said as if he was answering my thoughts. I looked back up at him but he was staring into the fire that was flickering in the hearth. "She said that she wasn't feeling well and asked if I could take her to the hospital wing."

"Where is she now?"

"She didn't want to get caught in a lie so she's in getting headache medicine. She should be on her way any minute now."

"Should we move him?"

Remus frowned at Sirius, a million emotions crossing his face in that second, and I knew that James wasn't the only one growing tired of Sirius' isolation. The four of them worked like a machine; if one part was missing or damaged, they all failed to work.

Sirius was their peace, their freedom. He embodied hope for them. Even when the war was at it's bleakest, when our friend lost his legs or a muggle girl lost her life, Sirius showed that we could overcome. We could fight back just like he did when he escaped his family.

Even if I missed him, I'd never be able to understand the loss they felt every day they walked the halls without him, went to bed knowing he was elsewhere. I'd never understand the pain they felt when one of their brothers was gone.

"We don't deserve you, you know," Remus said after a while, startling me. Confused, I stared at him until he continued his train of thought. "None of us do. Sirius—he's not always your biggest fan. He gets territorial sometimes and you always tend to be on the other end of that. I kept you out of the biggest part of my life because I didn't know your character. I judged you without giving you the opportunity to prove yourself."

"Remus, I understand why you had walls up. I've never faulted you for that."

He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes.

"And James," He continued, "he treated your best mate like trash right in front of you. Then went on to embarrass you in front of everyone by asking you out like he always did. It wasn't right. None of it was right. But we all stood by and let it happen. Peter always egged them on, always let them at it, even if his heart wasn't in it. Not even I challenged them."

"I thought I hated them, too, you know," I admitted quietly. "When I was still friends with Severus, I really did think I hated James and Sirius. They just seemed so—"

"Cocky? Narcisstic? Ridiculous?" Remus offered, grinning.

"All of the above," I laughed. There were so many nights spent in the common room or library with Severus where I complained about James Potter and Sirius Black. It took getting to know them to realize that I wouldn't have spent all of that time talking about them if I had actually hated them. Sobering up, I sighed and rested my head on the back cushion. "But I don't, really, not anymore at least. There's a lot more to James and Sirius than clever pranks and in-between class hexes."

"They're my best friends," Remus said, nodding. "They'll always be my best friends."

Neither of us said anything after that. Eventually, Remus nodded off in his armchair and I took out my wand to put a blanket over him. I was suddenly so grateful for the Potters, grateful that they were kind enough to help a boy and his mum without having to be asked. It broke my heart every day year when more and more of his ankles were visible because his mum couldn't afford to get him new pants every time he grew.

It was only the first day of classes and I was already behind, something I wasn't sure I knew how to deal with. I always toed the line of rebellion, always making sure I didn't make too much of a splash like Potter and the others. For me, changing the words on the board in Potions to say _I'm wearing lady's underwear _was a lot safer than turning the Charms classroom upside down, including the professor. I had only sat in a detention twice in my whole time at Hogwarts and it was safe to say Dumbledore never found out that I turned all of the pumpkin juice at the table to wine last Christmas or I would never have been made Head Girl.

I was remising about how toasted Kellam Bell got when Marlene crawled through the portrait hole, a confused frown on her face when she saw me on the couch.

"Have you been to class yet?" She asked, taking her robe off to reveal her gray sweater and tie underneath.

"I've been on Sirius duty," I said sheepishly, brushing his hair out of his face.

Marlene cocked a brow as she perched herself on the arm of Remus' chair. "You missed class to babysit Black?"

"I missed class because a student needed me," I corrected, "and as Head Girl I only see that that's part of my job."

Marlene smirked at me. "Well, Potter's made sure to get all your work like a good boy so you're not too behind I guess."

"He's a saint, that one."

"A regular Gregory the First."

I smiled at her. For whatever people had to say about Marlene, and they said a lot, I could never have asked for a better friend if I tried. For what she lacked in tact, she made up for in loyalty and reliability. I wouldn't have made it through most nights this summer without her jokes and stories to bring me back down when I was lost.

Marlene looked down at Remus, a tenderness softening her face, and I wished that one day he could see in himself what she saw in him. Carefully, she reached out to lift the blanket up to his chin, lingering a moment before pulling away.

* * *

><p>Marlene wasn't kidding when she said James picked up all my work. He had picked up every piece of homework and wrote careful notes for me, something he didn't even do for himself.<p>

It wasn't completely selfless though; James Potter always had an ulterior motive, I was quickly learning.

"So I just figured that we could study together and then you'll do the assignments," He was saying, kicking his feet up the table. It was after dinner now and everyone was back into the common room—everyone except Sirius that is, who left as soon as he woke up. "And then I dunno, maybe let me copy it because you're so grateful for me."

I rolled my eyes, pulling my Potions textbook over to me. "I must have done something very awful in a past life to get stuck with you in all my classes, Potter."

"So it's Potter again, huh?" James said. I looked up in time to see him smiling ruefully at his hands. For some reason, I felt the need to explain myself, to erase that look off of James' face and make him smile again.

"I—"

"James!" Both of us turned our heads to the source, a vaguely familiar blonde girl approaching our table. "James Potter, what did I tell you over the summer?"

"Penny?" James frowned, running a hand through his hair. "What are you doing here?"

"Fabian let me in," She answered, waving her hand dismissively. "Why haven't I heard from you?"

I finally noticed her blue tie hanging loosely from her uniform blouse, the matching blue scrunchie in her hair. What could be so important that a Ravenclaw had to come into our common room?

James looked increasingly uncomfortable. "I—I've had a very busy summer, is all. I've meant to write you but—"

"You'll just have to make it up to me then," She grinned slyly, putting her hand on the table and leaning closer to him.

I tried to edge way, hastily grabbing my books, when James finally snapped out of it. "Lily! Where are you going?"

"Um," I mumbled, watching the girl, who had turned her intense stare onto me. She didn't seem all that impressed with what she had to see. "I think I'll just head to the library, much quieter and all…."

"I'll come with you!" James said, overly enthusiastic, nearly knocking over his stack of books in the process.

I gaped at him. "No, I—"

"Really, Lily, you missed classes," James said, grabbing our things and gripping my elbow. He gave me a very pointed look before turning to Penny. "I'll, um—see you later, Pen."

He didn't wait for her response, pulling me along with him quickly. I managed to wave at the girl as she stood there—her shirt unbuttoned just above the point of inappropriate, her makeup immaculate—and only received a grimace in return.

James didn't stop hurrying until we were a safe enough distance away from the portrait, a point where Penny wouldn't have needed to go near to get back to her own tower. As soon as he loosened his grip, I snatched my arm back and glowered up at him.

"What are you playing at?" I snapped, taking a step back and folding my arms over my chest. "Who the hell was that?"

"Penny," He mumbled, tugging at the hair that hung over his forehead.

I slapped his chest with a textbook. "I gathered that much, funnily enough," I said angrily, narrowing my eyes at him. "Why the hell did you run away from her?"

"If you hadn't already figured it out, Penny's a bit…insistent," James said slowly, glancing around the corridor for any intruders.

"But what does she want from you?"

James shifted uncomfortably, still not meeting my eyes. "Aren't there supposed to be Slytherins out tonight because I—"

"You're changing the subject," I observed. "This must be bad then. It's bad, isn't it?"

"It's not bad, per se," James muttered.

"Oh, out with it, Potter. I have to study before curfew and I don't have time for this."

He took a deep breath, like he was drawing the strength to answer what I thought was a simple question. "Penny's Caradoc's cousin, you know, so she lives in the big house next to my grandmum with their auntie."

"So you two grew up together?" I frowned, not getting it. I didn't understand why it was such a big deal that a girl whom he's spent a lot of time with wants to—

"Actually, we've slept together."

I blinked up at him. "I'm sorry, what-?"

"Penny and I slept together last summer when I was visiting with my grandmum after my grandpa died," James continued, "and she was over for tea and I hadn't really seen her since we were kids—being in different houses and all—and one thing led to another and—"

"And you shagged her," I finished. Because of course he did; of course he slept with this girl and of course he ran away from her. Only James would run away from someone he owed an explanation to.

He nodded, finally meeting my eyes. "It was a mistake," said James. "I thought we both knew it was a mistake. I wasn't ready to have sex yet. It wasn't because I didn't want anything from her. I just—it wasn't the right time."

"Oh," I said, taken aback. In one breath, he had completely disproven every thought I had about him only moments ago. The way he and Sirius strut around the place, I had thought they were both completely comfortable with their sexual lives.

"I thought she had forgotten about it," He admitted sheepishly. "It wouldn't have been out of character for her. I hadn't even heard from her since and then she randomly shows up at brunch one day with my mum and grandmum, eyeing me the whole time and right before I try to leave, she tells me that she misses me."

"And do you miss her?"

James didn't answer me right away, grabbing me by my waist and pushing me against a wall. When I tried to object, he covered my mouth with his hand and said, "shh!" rather loudly. Despite how uncomfortable I was with our current position, I stayed quiet, straining to listen to whatever spooked James.

I heard footsteps—a pair of them—echoing down the corridor, and a set of voices to match. I didn't recognize them at first, but James did, as he tensed and pushed himself closer to me. It took me a half second later to catch on, my breath caught in my throat when I did.

"I'm surprised you'd be caught dead with me, Black," Severus sneered.

"It's nearly curfew; I think I can risk it."

"Regulus hasn't returned yet, and he won't until late if that's what you're bothering me about."

"Oh don't flatter yourself, Snivellus. I know from Remus that this was your night for rounds and that made you the most accessible."

"I'm overcome with joy."

There was a pause, presumably where Sirius stared down Severus for his sass. Sirius never did well when Severus sassed him back.

Someone cleared their throat.

"So Regulus will be back tonight?" Sirius asked.

"That's what I said, didn't I?"

"Okay. Then I'll be down when he's back."

"I'm thrilled."

"Cut the attitude, Snape. You know how unhappy Cissy and Bella will be when they hear you've been fresh with me again. You _will_ get me when Regulus is back and you _will _do it discreetly. And that's an order."

Footsteps echoed down the halls again, and neither James nor I said anything until both Sirius and Severus were a safe enough distance away.

"James," I said but he was already walking away from me, his head down, shoulders slumped. I reached out for him but he was too quick for me. "James, please, don't—"

"Leave it, Lily," He said tersely. His hold body was vibrating, even his voice was shaking.

"James—"

"I'm sorry I distracted you from studying," James continued flatly. "But I have to go now."

"Please, just let me come—"

"I need to be alone."

I didn't try to follow him, instead stayed rooted to my spot as he walked away from me for the first time since we had become friends.

* * *

><p>AN: I'll be busy with work and school this weekend so I decided to post this now since I'm online. Hope you guys like it.

If any of you have anymore concerns, please don't hesitate to let me know.

-S

(tumblr: bebravelily)


	10. Chapter 10--James and Lily

_Disclaimer: Mention of drugs _

* * *

><p>I didn't want to believe that Sirius had switched sides; I <em>knew<em> that he was different, that he was nothing like his family. Sirius had tried so hard to rid himself of his family's mentality when we were starting out. He didn't want to be like them, he said. He wanted to be good, he admitted.

I knew all that. I had known that since the first time I met Sirius and he said he was happy I was a pureblood like him. I had known that since I had told Sirius that I'd rather have a muggle born friend than a friend who said things like that. I had known that since he apologized and said he would try to be better for me. For Remus and Peter, but most importantly, for himself.

Sirius was my friend. He was my brother. And whatever he was right now, I'd forgive him for it.

* * *

><p>"Are you okay, mate?"<p>

I looked up from the map and into Peter's concerned face.

"I'm good," I lied easily. It was becoming easier and easier to lie, and I didn't know what to make of that just yet. "What about you? Haven't seen you around much lately."

His ears turned red and he started to flip through _The_ _Prophet_ faster than necessary. "Um, I've just been busy—school, you know—and Mary has been homesick again—Remus is just—so much homework!"

"Right," I frowned, turning back to the parchment in my lap.

Barely ten minutes passed before Peter closed the curtains of his bed, leaving me alone in the dorm.

It was the first time since I had started at Hogwarts that I felt like my friends and I weren't one mind. I hadn't seen Remus all day because the full moon was on Sunday. Peter had been God knows where doing whatever he likes to do when he's not with us. And Sirius was gone from the moment I wake up and doesn't return until after I fall asleep.

Peter's snores started to distract me as I attempted to add another wing to the map, and I ended up shoving it back in my truck, grabbing my cloak, and heading down to the common room where a few seventh and fifth years were studying.

"Evenin', McKinnon," I greeted as I dropped into the seat across from Marlene.  
>She didn't even glance up from her essay, instead making me wait as she wrote two more lines before responding to me. "What do you want, Potter?" She asked, stabbing a period at the end of her sentence.<p>

"Um," I grimaced, eyeing the parchment as it now bled black from where she punctured it. "Peter went to bed and I couldn't concentrate."

"You seem so weighed down with your studies," She commented, staring pointedly at the empty space of desk in front of me.

"Right," I mumbled awkwardly, removing my hands from the table. "So excited for your birthday this—"

"Penny Dearborn was looking for you at dinner," Marlene informed me abruptly, writing a few more lines. "Wouldn't leave Lily alone actually because she was _so_ sure that Lily knew where you were."

"I was on the pitch during dinner—"

"_I_ know where you were, Potter," She said breezily. "Peter told me. But Lily was late to dinner—she was studying in the library with Sirius, you see—and Penny was _so _sure that Lily was with you."

"How—"

"In fact," Marlene said sharply, setting her quill down and folding her arms on the table. "In fact, she was _so sure _that she accused Lily of doing some unsavory things with your twat arse and called her a slag." My mouth dropped open but Marlene didn't give me the opportunity to defend myself; oh no, it seemed like Marlene had been sitting on this long enough. "_This_ is your fault, James Potter. And if you don't fix it then I'll have your arse. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my palms. "Look, Mar, I'm so—"

"Don't," She snapped, raising her hand to stop me. She leaned forward, smiling cynically at me. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. Go find Lily and make this right or _I'll _find Penny and set _her _straight."

"I'll find Lily," I said quickly, pushing back my seat and getting to my feet. "Any idea where she's off to at this hour?"

Marlene picked up her quill and tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder, the picture of ease again. "Figure it out, Potter. I've spent enough time on you tonight."

"Right," I muttered, turning my back on Marlene and heading to the portrait hole.

* * *

><p>I always felt immune to the rules when I had my cloak and the map, but there was something to be said about the power being Head Boy gave me. Out of pure forgetfulness, I had forgotten to toss on my cloak, but instead of the deduction of points or detention I expected from Filch, he saluted me and scurried off after his cat.<p>

Shaking my head, I continued out of the castle and didn't stop until I was out by the lake. It was nearly the full moon now, the reflection shining brightly in the lake's black surface. There was a soft hum of the breeze blowing through the grass as I walked down the hill towards the oak by the shore. It wasn't long before I saw a head of dark red hair sitting under it, tulip bulbs floating in a circle in front of her.

"Alright, Evans?" I asked, leaning against the tree.

She shrugged. "People are dying out there. I can't exactly complain, can I?"

"You shouldn't compare your problems with other people's."

"It puts things in perspective though."

"Point well made." I hesitated before sitting down on a patch of grass next to her, crossing my legs Indian style. "Marlene told me what happened. I'm—she had no right to do that to you."

"She has every right to be mad," Lily said stiffly.

"At me though," I insisted, "not you. You didn't do anything."

"Oh but I did," She chuckled darkly, shaking her head. She picked at blades of grass in front of her, her hair falling like a curtain over her face. "Remember the party? My basement?"

I stiffened, the ghost of Lily's lips on mine as I remembered that moment our mouths touched for the first time not in my own head. "Penny doesn't know about that."

"But I do," said Lily. She sounded so sad, so guilty, and she had no reason to be. "I'm not innocent in all of this."

"Look, Lily," I started slowly, moving so I could face her, "Penny and I are not together, okay? Whatever happened with me and her has nothing to do with what happened between me and you. I will talk to Pen, and I will set her straight, because you don't deserve to be called a slag, especially not in the middle of the dining hall."

"Do you like her?" Lily asked, catching me completely off guard.

I blinked at her. "Why does that matter?"

"If you like her then you shouldn't go about defending me," Lily said quietly. "I wouldn't want to mess up things more than I already have."

"Lily," I laughed incredulously, "you haven't messed up a damn thing. If Penny liked me as much as she thinks she does, she'll be fine in the morning."

After what seemed like an eternity, she looked up at me, her face lined with worry. I didn't have time to react before she scooted herself into my arms, laying her face against my chest.

This time I didn't hesitate before wrapping my arms around her. "I miss them," She whispered. "Every day I'm here I worry that the longer I'm away from them, the more disconnected I am."

"You'll never forget them if that's what you're worried about," I promised, toying with a strand of her hair.

"When Penny confronted me in the dining hall, I had a moment to realize how happy I was before that," Lily admitted. "And then I realized how little I thought of my parents before that."

I didn't know what to say, sure that noting I could say would be sufficient to convince her that what she was feeling was normal. Her parents wouldn't have wanted her life to be stagnant, stuck in the same place they left her in. I didn't know them personally but I knew enough about them from spending time with their daughter that they were good people.

"You have the right to move on," I finally said. "They wouldn't expect you to stop living your life because they stopped living theirs."

"Will it ever stop hurting?" She asked softly.

"I don't know," I said honestly. "I've never lost anyone like you have."

"You've lost plenty."

"My dad may be neglectful but he's still around when he can be."

"I'm not talking about your dad. I saw the look in your eyes when we heard Sirius," She said. "It was the same way I must have looked when I read my sister's letter."

"That's not—"

"Loss is loss, James," Lily interrupted. "Chirag lost his legs, Marlene lost her baby brother, Remus and Peter lost their dads, and you lost your best friend. But we all gain something, too."

"And what is that?" I asked.

"There was a nurse at the hospital that took care of Chirag—"

"Bee," I said suddenly, recalling the pretty dark nurse that made Chirag smile the brightest I'd ever seen.

Lily nodded, a ghost of a smile on her face. "She asked him out when he was checking out of the hospital with his dad. His happy, James. It's like he never lost his legs that night."

"What about the rest of us?" I said ruefully. "Last time I checked, we were all still fucked."

"But we have each other, don't we?" Lily turned in my arms, wrapping her own around my neck to pull herself up. The tulips were still dancing, though they now formed a circle around our heads. "Even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes, we all have each other. We can lose so much but we'll always have love."

"I thought I was supposed to be the one cheering you up," I teased lightly, flicking her nose.

"When will you learn that I don't _need_ you, Potter?"

A grin tugged at my mouth. "Don't worry, Evans, I'm learning."

* * *

><p>You know that feeling—that feeling you get when you walk into a room and everyone stops talking and you <em>know<em> that they were just talking about you those few minutes before you showed your stupid, idiotic face?

That's the feeling I got when I walked into the Great Hall for lunch and one girl stopped talking, nudged her friend, and her friend stopped talking, who then nudged the boy next to her, who nudged the other boy next to him, and on and on until eventually, the only thing that could be heard was Peter as he drank his pumpkin juice obnoxiously.

"Um," I started to say but was cut off when a horrifyingly familiar blonde ponytail came into view.

"There you are," Penny smiled in what she probably hoped was sexy. She ran a hand down my arm and pressed her chest into me. "Do you want to come sit at our table today?"

"Uh." I looked over at where my friends were sitting—Remus, Peter, Lily, and Bilius—and scratched the side of my neck. Even though everyone else in the hall at that moment had no problem staring, my friends seemed to be making an effort _not_ to look in Penny and my direction.

Penny grabbed my face, turning my attention back to her. "James, why are you so distracted?"

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, gently wrapping my fingers around her wrists and pulling her off of me. "We're not together, Pen. You spent all of last year snogging Mitchell Corner and Killian Austin. Why should I be at your beck and call because you're suddenly interested?"

"I've always been interested in you," Penny insisted, folding her arms over her chest.

I scoffed. "You have a funny way of showing it."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"If you're interested in me, Penny, then my friends are part of the package," I said firmly. "And that includes Lily."

Penny lifted her chin, as if I didn't just say Lily's name, as if Lily wasn't sitting a mere ten feet away from where we were.

"Well," She said haughtily, tossing her long ponytail over her shoulder. "I'll just let you go sit with your _friends _then."

"Penny—"

She leaned forward, pressing her lips to my cheek. "Come find me tonight."

"Okay," I mumbled as she sauntered away, back to her giggling friends. Dazed, I walked back to our table and dropped into the seat next to Remus, putting my head on his shoulder.

"Girls," I muttered, closing my eyes.

Remus chuckled, putting his hand on my head. "You look like you just dueled Voldemort himself."

"Might as well have," Bilius snorted.

"Be nice," Lily chided but I swore I heard a hint of amusement in her tone.

I sighed, opening my eyes again and reaching out for the platter of mash next to Lily. "So, what's the plan for tomorrow evening—"

"I have to go," Peter said suddenly, grabbing his bag and scrambling to his feet.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, turning her head to watch him hurry past her. "Peter-?"

"I'll see you in the common room," Peter nearly shouted, pulling his robe back on and nearly tripping on the front of his pants.

Remus frowned at his receding figure. "What on the bloody earth was that about?" He asked, turning to look back at all of us.

"Fuck if I know," Bilius said in between bites of chicken.

"Should someone go after him?" Lily asked, her face lined with concern. "I feel like someone should go after him."

"Nah, he'll be fine," I said. "So this weekend?"

"Mary got Marlene's parents to send baby pictures and other muggle decorations for the common room," Lily said.

"And Peter and the Prewett's already have the booze taken care of," Remus added.

Bilius held up three fingers, wagging them in my face. "And _I _have all of our music handled."

"With the help of me," Lily corrected, grinning slyly.

I raised my brows. "You brought records with you? How'd you manage that?"

"Dumbledore is a little more understanding when it comes to the arts," Lily smirked. "I asked him in our third year how I could get my records to work and he helped come up with a solution. He's a Blondie fan, ya know."

"No shit," I laughed, thoroughly impressed. "And what would that be?"

"That's between me and the old man, I'm afraid."

"Rats."

"Oh shit," Bilius muttered under his breath, shaking back his sleeve to look at his watch. "I have to meet Anastasia Tawny by one and I'm already late."

Lily shook her head, laughing, as Bilius fell over trying to get up. He was screaming out "Anastasia!" as he rushed out, knocking into half a dozen people coming in as he did so.

I was laughing when Sirius walked in, whispering something in Regulus' ear, both of the Black boys looking completely distressed.

"Wonder what that's about," Remus said under his breath. I glanced at him and saw he had the same blank expression on his face that I was sure I had.

Lily pushed her peas around her plate, looking completely disinterested. "I think that if Sirius wanted you all to know what he was up to, he'd say something," She said. "It's in your best interests to focus your attention elsewhere."

"He's our best mate, Evans," I reminded her. "I'll never focus my attention on anything else."

"I'm sure your wife will _love _that."

"She wouldn't make it that far if she didn't accept Sirius," Remus snorted, lifting his legs up and over the bench. He leaned on his elbow and smiled at Lily. "Still on for the library tonight to study for Arithmancy?"

Lily nodded. "And Herbology if you don't mind."

"Got it." Remus waved goodbye as he shuffled out of the Great Hall to get to his next class, leaving Lily and I at the table.

"So what are you doing for your study period?" She asked before taking a sip from her goblet.

I shrugged. "I was thinking of going to the pitch and practicing a bit with Bell and Peakes. What are you going to do?"

"A fifth year needed Potions tutoring."

"Lovely Lily to the rescue," I remarked.

She rolled her eyes. "Sod off, Potter."

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

I didn't know for sure if I'd find him here and was pleasantly relieved when I saw Sirius walking up from the dungeons, twirling a key ring with his index finger and whistling a tune that was vaguely familiar. I waited until he was far enough way to not attract attention before walking out from behind a pillar and crossing his path.

Sirius stopped short, eyes widening before breaking into a wide grin. "Evans, to what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked breezily.

"Oh I was in the neighborhood," I said flatly. "We need to talk."

"About what?" Sirius asked just as cheerily but the twinkle in his eye was gone now. I hadn't brought up his meltdown yet and I was certain he thought he was out of the woods with it. But with the full moon coming up, and James and Remus' growing suspicions, it was time he figured out his life.

"Come on." I grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the castle with me despite his protests. Nearly everyone was in class or in their common rooms, and we got relatively lucky that no Slytherins were around to witness my manhandling of him; I may not have known what exactly he was up to with his brother but I had enough experience to know _they_ wouldn't like us fraternizing.

"What gives?" Sirius pouted once we were at the outskirts of the forest next to Hagrid's. He rubbed his arm, looking absolutely wounded, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"I've been patient with you, Sirius," I said, ignoring him. "I haven't asked any questions and I haven't told anyone what happened first day back. But I'm sick and tired of watching James and Remus mope around because their boyfriend isn't paying attention to them!"

"I have family issues, you know that," Sirius said defensively.

I pressed my lips in a thin line, feeling more and more irritated as Sirius stared defiantly down at me.

"Yeah, well, I have an issue with the way you've treated your friends. You know what Sunday is, don't you?" I challenged. I used all the patience I had with Sirius somewhere around Wednesday, and I didn't want to deal with this any longer. We were all adults now. The time to act like petulant children should have been passed us.

"Of course I know what Sunday is," Sirius snapped, having the gall to sound offended. I had half a mind to hex him and if it weren't for us being directly under McGonagall's office, I would have.

"And what do you plan on doing about it?"

"I—"

"Because if you think for one _second_ that I'd let you not go, you're dead wrong, Black," I said, emphasizing each word with a hard poke to his chest.

Sirius rubbed at the spot I kept poking, pulling his eyebrows together. "I wouldn't not go. I never want Remus to go through life without the three of us being for him when he changes. That was the promise."

"Then start making good on that promise," I seethed. "Remus is too good of a friend for this kind of treatment, Sirius."

"I know what Remus is," Sirius mumbled, looking down and kicking the dirt with the toe of his boot.

"Then stop avoiding him!"

"I'm not avoiding him!" He snapped. "I've just—I got stuff, okay?"

"We already did this song and dance, pal, it's time to move on now," I shot back. The rush of students coming out of the castle reminded me where we were and I internally groaned at the prospect of class right now after having dealt with a stubborn Sirius. "I have to go to class now, but this isn't over. Got it?"

"Loud and clear," Sirius said under his breath as I started to walk away from him and his self-pity and secrets.

* * *

><p>"Twenty five more minutes," Mary announced, turning to lie on her back, kicking her newly red toes in the air.<p>

Marlene laughed from her bed as she picked at a box of cauldron cakes that Alice had sent with a _Witch Weekly _subscription for Mar's birthday.

It was just us girls for the night as we celebrated Marlene's day, Dorcas having brought out a bottle of whiskey and Mary producing a bottle of wine that looked suspiciously from her parent's stock.

Emmeline plopped a chocolate in her mouth before sitting at the end of Mar's bed. "I just love birthdays," She said wistfully, "all of the well wishes and streamers and cakes."

"How poetic," Marlene snorted. Mary shot her a warning look, which prompted Marlene to roll her eyes, making Dorcas and I share a grin. "Sorry, Em."

"And to think she'll just get worse with old age," I smirked, ducking in time to miss getting hit by the pillow Marlene aimed at my head. "Oi, McKinnon, good arm, yeah?"

"What are the chances the boys brought that weed with them?" Mary asked over the curses Marlene was tossing my way.

Dorcas sat up, frowning at Mary. "What's weed?"

"Merlin, another one," Marlene sighed, leaning over to twirl a piece of Em's blonde hair.

"Oh, don't take the piss and just tell me," Dorcas said, rolling her eyes.

"Do you know what getting high is?" I asked. Emmeline and Dorcas both stared blankly at me, expressions that reminded me of James and Sirius that night so long ago. "It's a drug that muggles use. It's quite nice really, but it's illegal in the muggle world so it's not something to go on about."

"And they have it with them?" Emmeline frowned.

"Flitch probably doesn't know what to look for," Marlene shrugged.

Mary giggled into her head. "What if he thought it was some sort of seasoning?"

"It's so mental that they don't know what marijuana is," Mary added. "I don't know one muggle who hasn't an idea about it. Even my gran knows; she calls it the grass from the devil's backyard."

"Sounds kinky," Marlene quipped, earning a glare from Mary.

"She has a point," I pointed out, running my fingers along the seam of my maroon comforter. It was still warm from the heating pan that the elves use to keep the sheets cozy. "For someone who knows everything, Dumbledore sure is behind on the times."

Mary nodded, grinning. "Someone go over there and ask them if they have it."

"I'm in my dressing gown already," Marlene said quickly, "so that's a no from me."

I rolled my eyes, groaning as I pushed myself out of my bed. "I'll go."

The four other girls cheered and clapped as I walked towards the door, and I grinned stupidly as I bowed and pretended to soak in their applause like a real seasoned politician. I was giggling all the way down the stairs and up the boy's, and I didn't stop until Remus opened the door for me, James shirtless on his bed behind him.

"Um, am I interrupting something?" I smirked as Remus stepped aside to let me in.

James sat up, pulling his covers over his bare torso. "Evans, it's nearly midnight!"

"Oh, pip down, Potter, I'll keep the stories about your state from the girls."

"Great," James groaned before plopping face down onto his pillow.

I grinned triumphantly as I perched on the edge of Sirius' trunk. It was one of the only clean surfaces in the room, as clothes and half eaten snacks were strewn about with their supplies and Quidditch equipment. I didn't usually travel into the boy's dorms and now I knew why. "Where is everyone else?"

"Benjy's on some kind of midnight walk with Hestia," Remus answered as he resumed buttoning his pajama's. "And Peter went off after dinner and I hadn't seen him since."

I didn't miss the fact that Remus didn't mention Sirius but decided to leave it, knowing that James was dancing on the line of a meltdown as is.

"Well as you know, Marlene's birthday is in less than ten minutes," I started casually, removing an imaginary piece of hair from my shirt, "and _we_ were all wondering if _you_ all would like to contribute to the festivities."

James peaked out from under his covers. "What do you mean?" He asked suspiciously.

"Where's the weed, Potter?"

Remus snorted. "Such tact."

"When did you become such a burn out, Evans?" James teased.

"When did you learn what a burn out is, Potter?" I shot back.

He shrugged. "One of Penny's roommates always goes on about this muggle film, Monkey Home or Animal Park or something rather."

"Animal House?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

James snapped his fingers, pointing at me and nodding. "That's the one."

"Right," Remus said, unsure, as he got to his feet and went into his trunk. He took out his robes, a pair of trainers, a blank piece of thick parchment, and a book on sea creatures before producing a small bag. "Here," He said, tossing in to me. "Sirius had me keep it for him over the summer because he said I'd be the least suspicious."

"Little do they know," I grinned, earning a wink from Remus.

"Are we allowed to join the celebrations?" James asked from his bed, a familiar snitch hovering over his head.

"Not this time, I'm afraid."

"Well then you better get going," Remus said, picking up the alarm clock on his nightstand. "The Day of Marlene starts in approximately two minutes."

My eyes widened, and I immediately got on my feet, gripping the baggy in my fist.

"Thanks for the provisions, boys!" I called as I ran out of the room, James and Remus' laughter echoing after me.

* * *

><p>AN: It's a little later than 10 but I had an unexpected visitor and didn't want to be rude! A lot has happened in this chapter so if anyone has any issues, feel free to drop or a question here or at my writing tumblr (bebravelily)!

What do we think of Penny? Sirius' behavior? Lily and James' friendship? Let me know!

Until next time!

-S


	11. Chapter 11--Lily and James

Hogsmeade's weekends were one of the best parts of becoming an upperclassmen at Hogwarts and one thing I had loved since my first visit four years ago. There was just so much to see, so much to explore. I rarely found myself in a wizards only village and something about Hogsmeade sparkled. Without any muggle influences, I saw a glimpse into the life I might lead once I leave Hogwarts.

There was just so much good there. One of my best memories was in my fifth year, when Alice and Mary had agreed to explore the Shrieking Shack with me and I had scared them so bad, Alice had apparated away on accident and splinched her hair right off.

Except, _planning_ Hogsmeade's weekends weren't as fun as just attending them, I was learning quickly. Nearly every prefect wanted a say; between club meetings and exams, practices and matches, there didn't seem to be _one_ weekend that would work, never mind _ten_.

"I get it, Davies!" I snapped, holding my head in my hands. "You guys have practice that day!"

"I'm just reminding you," Richard sniffed, adjusting his already perfect tie. Remus and James exchanged a significant look, and I resisted the urge to ask them what they were planning; they had that look about them—that _I'm going to get you _so _good_ look that I've grown accustomed to over the years.

I smiled tightly at him. "I appreciate it, Richard, thanks."

"I fail to remember giving you the approval for the pitch on that day," James said breezily, scanning the parchment with practice schedules on it. "Odd, right?"

Richard's mouth dropped open. "You're not allowed to snub my requests, James!"

"Please stop whining," Remus sighed, lying his head down on the table. He was looking the worst I'd seen him, the full moon a little over twenty four hours away now. The purple bags under his eyes resembled something that Petunia had hanging in her closet.

"There's no foul play here, Davies. We'll just have to discuss it after the weekend then," James said, smiling easily.

"Lily!"

"It's James' jurisdiction," I said reasonably. "I can't overstep him."

James discreetly offered his hand under the table and I high-fived him softly to not draw attention. We had both agreed that we'd antagonize Richard as much as possible during every meeting. He made it so easy, honestly.

The other prefects tittered, amused by James and my antics, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost their attention completely.

James' mind seemed to be on the same track as mine because he cleared his throat, garnering the attention of those who were starting to wander. "Is everyone _else_ okay with Lily making the schedule herself? Dinners about to start soon and I for one would like to eat."

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

"I don't care," Amos said flippantly, waving his hand in the air.

"We trust you, Lily," Lisbeth Clearwater said, smiling kindly. She's had a crush on Sirius since third year, and Peter and I have consistently told him what a nice girl she was. It was a shame she only had eyes for him; I wouldn't have minded seeing just how nice Lisbeth could be.

"Thank you, Lisbeth," Lily grinned. "Class dismissed then."

The chorus of chairs scraping across the tile drowned out Richard's moans, and Remus winked at me before following Amelia out of the room.

"One day I'd love to see how far these Head privileges reach and just sock Diggory and Davies in the face," I said, yawning dramatically and lounging in my chair.

Lily snorted. "I'll look the other way next meeting."

"How was last night?" I asked, drumming my fingers at the edge of the conference table. "Did you guys have a pillow fight?"

"Right after we traded undies."

"Kinky."

"Last night was good," Lily laughed, shaking her head, as she organized the stack of schedules and requests that was used for the meeting.

I handed her a stray request sheet. "McKinnon's present came in the post this morning. Do you think she likes socks?"

"You didn't," Lily gasped, horrified, stopping her organizing mid-shuffle.

I smirked at her; I, for one, enjoyed my life and didn't plan to have it end because I got Marlene McKinnon socks on her birthday. "I think McKinnon will enjoy her new dress robes very much. Or, at least, that's what Mum wrote in the letter she sent with them. What did you get her?"

"Photo album," She shrugged, tightening the string on her bag and shouldering it. "Slughorn helped me learn how to make a Developing Solution and it turned out alright enough."

"You know what Remus got her?" I asked casually but I was dying to know. I knew that Lily was aware of Marlene's crush from Marlene but it felt weird to say out loud, like I was betraying McKinnon's trust.

Lily narrowed her eyes at me. "Why?"

"Curious."

"Hm," Lily hummed, raising a brow.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh c'mon, Evans. What did the poor sap get her?"

"Last time we talked he said he was giving her something from his mum."

"Is it more pies?" I asked, wrinkling my nose.

"I dunno," Lily shrugged, moving back her chair and getting up. "I thought you wanted dinner?"

"Right. Yeah."

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

Throwing parties in the common room had become somewhat of an art form through the years. No one did it better than the class of '78, even if it was a struggle trying to remember what happened the night before the morning after.

Enchanted butterflies flew between the lanterns that Fabian and Gideon helped Mary put up. One landed on Peter's shoulder as he worked on transforming the bottles into jugs of pumpkin juice to ward off suspicion. And despite his whining and resistance, I forced Sirius to rally all the underclassmen up the stairs to bed, ensuring none of them came downstairs and tried to partake in the festivities. Dorcas promised us she'd keep Marlene in the library until the very last second, which gave everyone plenty of time to get in place and wait for their arrival.

I set my sights on Remus, smiling slightly as James tried to show Bilius and Kellam how to work a muggle record player. Stevie Wonder started to croon in the background and the anticipation of a good night ahead of us hung in the air.

"Quite a hall," I commented, approaching Remus as he stacked all of Mar's presents on another end table by the food and cake. "Marlene should be happy enough to last at least an hour."

Remus grinned at me. "Always the optimist. I give it fifteen minutes."

"Where's your present?" I asked. Remus' hand hovered over the boxes for a moment before picking up a thin rectangular box that was wrapped in dark blue, Mar's favorite color. "What is it?"

He shrugged, placing it carefully on top of a big red present. "Just something from my mom. A knick knack really. Old."

"So definitely not a pie," I said, smiling to myself.

Remus frowned. "Why would I get her a pie?"

"Never mind," I said quickly, hiding my grin.

"Okay," He said slowly, brows pulled together, before turning back to his organizing. I took the opportunity to look over him, noting he managed to wear his best jumper, also in midnight blue. He looked cleaner, fresher, despite the fact that the full moon was hours away. "So Sirius talked to us."

"He did?" I asked, feigning surprise. Inside, I was jumping up and down, somersaulting and throwing up the jazz hands by my right and left kidneys. "What did he say?"

Remus shrugged. "That he was sorry but he didn't think we'd understand that he was trying to fix things with his brother. All those attacks over the summer showed him the light or some rubbish like that."

"Does that mean you forgive him?"

"What's there to forgive?" Remus asked, confused. "I was never mad at Sirius."

"But he's been so standoffish lately," I reminded him.

Remus laughed. "I'm not James, Lily. I don't care about all—"

But he was cut off by the sudden chorus of cheers, both of our heads turning to see Marlene and Dorcas climbing through the portrait hole.

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Lily clapped and squealed happily, greeting her best mate as she walked into the room. Marlene—usually so abrasive and stoic—was as red as the velvet chairs, a far cry from the angry face she usually sported. Catching me by surprise, Remus enveloped her in a hug, a hug that lasted a second longer than Lily's did, and Marlene wavered slightly when he released the poor bird.

Grabbing a bottle of bubble juice, Fabian shook it once, blew the cork off, and sprayed the crowd with the fizzy liquid. Girls squealed and boy cheered, Sturgis even opened his mouth to let some in. It was absolute chaos and for whatever reason, I didn't feel like partaking in it.

Peter handed me a bottle of butter beer when I walked by and I ended up in a velvet chair by the fireplace, cradling my beer to my chest.

My thoughts wondered to Penny, who had been upset with me for not inviting her tonight. She didn't seem to understand how much harm she caused by attacking the guest of honor's best mate in public barely a week ago.

It was strange; I had no idea why she was trying all of a sudden, and I didn't know how I felt about it. I wasn't used to feeling obligated to anything for anyone other than my best mate's and I was sure I'd muck it up somehow.

I liked Penny. We shared something that I'd never share with anyone else. Regardless of how or when it happened, it happened, and that should mean something to me. Right?

I couldn't help but think that something was off though. That maybe this wasn't the right time to make changes in my life, or that she wasn't the person I needed to do it for.

My thoughts were still on Penny when Sirius sat down at my feet, leaning his head against my leg. It felt like ages since we'd been able to be anything other than curt, and I was uneasy over the fact that I didn't know how to handle it.

"Hell of a party, yeah?" He said dryly before tipping the contents of his bottle down his throat. "Regular rager."

I grunted, unsure of how to approach him when he was like this. Sirius was rarely anything other than tipsy, completely in control of himself; something must have been off for him to want to be trashed.

"Full moon tomorrow," He reminded me, reaching out and grabbing another bottle from a fifth year when she passed by. She opened her mouth to say something but all he needed to do was give her his signature grin and she was on her way, giggling like a school girl.

"Remus has been feeling it more than usual," I said, eyeing him. It was sad, but I wanted him to know what he was missing. A half ass apology wasn't going to be enough for me.

Sirius turned his head so he could look up at me, a sad smile on his face. "We'll cheer him up tomorrow," He promised before his face glazed over, a far away look on his face. "Hopefully Reg won't—" Sirius stopped, sucking his bottom lip in and taking another long drink from his beer.

"You can talk about your brother," I snapped. There was a time that none of us had to censor ourselves, that we could all talk about our lives without worrying someone else. It was such bullshit that Sirius was sitting here, like everything was fine, when it wasn't. "Fuck, I need another drink."

Sirius jerked forward, moving out of the way as I pushed myself to my feet. "You have a drink," He frowned, nodding towards my bottle.

"Something stronger," I mumbled, moving away from him. I made a beeline straight for the liquor, grabbing a bottle from Nicolas Kurt and taking a swig, letting it burn a trail of fire down my throat.

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

"It's challenging but I can handle it," I smirked over the rim of my cup.

"Oh I bet you can handle a lot of things," Douglas Heathrow said suggestively, waggling his eyebrows at me. We were standing near the stairs to the dorms, his hand pressed against the wall by my head.

I straightened up, nodding and feigning seriousness. "Oh, I take my Potions very seriously. I could give you private lessons if you'd like," I suggested innocently.

"Perhaps not in Potions though," He whispered in my ear, letting his lips brush against my skin. He was handsome enough—crimson hair and light brown eyes with a jawline that made even the merpeople swoon. All of the girls in his year went positively mental whenever he jogged around the grounds during his free time.

"Are you working blue, Douglas?" I asked, eyeing his full bottom lip as I bit my own in the way that Mary _swore _drove all the boys wild.

"I'm working whatever you want me to," He grinned, leaning in. I'd have to thank Mary later it seemed. This wasn't what I wanted—a random snog with a boy I hardly knew—but it had been a rough year and a distraction in the shape of Douglas Heathrow was exactly what the doctor ordered.

But right before our lips touched, I heard glass shatter, a collective gasp rolling through the crowd of people. Ripping away from Douglas, I got an eyeful of a certain messy haired Quidditch captain swinging from the chandelier, hooting and howling and kicking his legs in the air.

"Bloody hell," I gasped. I didn't hesitate to pull out my wand and push through the hoards of people so I was standing in view of James. "James Potter, get your arse down here right now!"

"He's drank half the liquor," Fabian informed me as he came to stand by my side. "Gideon's been working on getting us more."

"Why isn't Peter doing that?" Marlene asked. It was common knowledge that Peter was always the best at getting more alcohol. He was the one that first mastered water to wine, first to be brave enough to drink firewhiskey in fifth.

"He left about an hour ago. Mumbled something about the lake or mouse or something. I'm not sure."

"Well aren't you just the useful one. Where's Remus, he'll—"

I ignored them, growing more and more exasperated with James' antics. It was one thing to sneak alcohol in. It was one thing to be up past curfew. It was something completely different when he was putting himself and those around him in harms way. He was the bloody Head Boy for Merlin's sake.

"James, that's enough now! Get down!" I said forcefully, garnering the attention of everyone around me.

"Come on up, Lily flower," James said gleefully, waving his arm in the air. When it looked like he was going to lose his grip, the whole room gasped except Marlene next to me, and I felt my heart drop as I watched him grab back on with both hands. "I'm okay!"

"Terrific," I said, gritting my teeth. But I hesitated too long to get him down apparently, because the next second Fabian took matters into his own hands and blasted James off the light. I didn't even have time to react before James fell on top of me, the pair of us crumbling on the ground.

"Ow," He moaned, rubbing his forehead.

"Very glad you got rid of those glasses right about now," I mumbled, pushing his chest so he'd get off me. Merlin knew how bad it would have been if his glasses had shattered. Blood and me weren't exactly on the best of terms.

I was vaguely aware of the crowd that formed around us but the shot of pain in the back of my eyes whenever I blinked seemed a little more pressing at the moment. "Fuck," I said under my breath, pushing myself up on my elbows.

"Are you alright?" James asked, sobering up apparently. He held out his hand but I waved it off, sitting up on my own by sliding my feet from under him and getting to my feet.

"Show's over," Marlene ordered once she was sure we were good, her and Fabian getting the group to disperse.

James ran both his hands through his hair. "I feel like shit."

"A concussion can do that," I snapped.

"I'm not concussed," He grimaced.

"Oh, right, that's me," I muttered dryly.

His face fell, surprised by my tone. "Evans, I'm sorry."

"Brilliant," I said flatly, pushing past him to go towards the dorms. It had been a long night and I was starting to feel the soreness in my backside from falling, desperately in need of a long bath. I started to picture the mountain of bubbles I'd make in the prefect's bath when someone grabbed me by the waist.

"Where are you going?" Douglas smiled, putting his hands all over my bum and pulling me flush against him.

I winced as a sharp pain zipped up my bum and lower back. The heat from early was gone now, replaced by a pulsing desire to jinx the self-satisfied smirk off of James Potter's face.

"To bed, I think. I'm not in much of a party mood anymore."

"But—"

"Goodnight, Douglas," I said, smiling weakly. I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek lightly to not hurt his feelings before turning on my heels and hurrying up the stairs.

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

"Potter." I looked up from Remus, who was in the middle of telling Marlene and I a story from when he went to the South of France with his mum for the holidays, to see a rather irritated Douglas Heathrow glaring down at me.

"What's up, Beautiful?" I smirked, putting my arm over the back of the couch. I didn't have a problem with Heathrow—he was an ace Quidditch beater and always helped us when need be to get out of class or wreck some havoc—but I found it so amusing that he hated when the guys commented on his pretty face.

He rolled his eyes. "You fucked my chances with Lily and I know you did it on purpose," He said, narrowing his eyes down at me.

"Um," I frowned, sitting up straight. Remus and Marlene mirrored my actions, drawing my attention to them. Discreetly, I shook my head once so they'd stand down. "I don't know what you're talking about, Heathrow. Get a brew, find a bird, and take a seat. The night's still young."

"My bird is at the top of the tower," Douglas shot back.

"Lily is _not_ yours!" Marlene snapped, moving to get to her feet; Remus touched her shoulder, stopping her, but she continued to glower at Douglas.

"You did it on purpose," said Douglas, pointing his finger at me. "You fell on her on purpose, to make a show of yourself. You're no different now then you were two years ago, Potter. No matter how much you think you've changed."

I didn't get the chance to defend myself because he walked away—flicking me off as he did—and left me sitting there like an absolute idiot.

* * *

><p>AN: I know it seems like the story line with Sirius and Regulus is finished but there's a chapter or two left regarding it, which will hopefully explain everything a little further!

It's a bit on the shorter side, and not a lot seemed to happen, but trust me when I saw a lot was set up in this chapter in particular :))) I just sort of realized that I use partying a lot in an attempt to make the students seem more their age, but I think I'm going to be a little more conscious in not doing that anymore. As a new member of university, it seems like all anyone does is drink and it seems to have seeped into my writing...oops.

I posted a drabble on my writing tumblr (bebravelily) that should hopefully shed a little more light on what happened between Regulus and Sirius after the attack at the bar! Be sure to be reading the little details because a lot of stuff is about to happen in the next few chapters and it'll all seem a little clearer if you're picking up on those clues!

I'd love to hear any theories so don't be afraid to drop by my ask on the tumblr (bebravelily) or leave a review here! I'm always a little more inclined to treat you guys when I get an especially sweet review so special thanks to my last **Guest **review for inspiring me to edit this chapter and get it posted before the weekend! :)

Until next time!

-S


	12. Chapter 12--Severus and Lily

A/N: Honestly, I don't remember if I already introduced the map to Lily or not and can't be arsed to go back and check apparently. If I did, please let me know so I can fix things hahaha. Thank you, all.

* * *

><p>Hogwarts was an escape. A way to get away from my controlling, irritable mother. The memory of my deadbeat father. The fact that I'll never amount to half the things I want because of who I am and where I'm from.<p>

Lily used to say that I could be so much more than that. She said she had seen it with her own eyes, people changing and moving past the things that were supposed to hold them back. She had so much hope in me. She saw things that my mother said didn't exist, that my father beat out of me. Lily was the light in my very dark world and I didn't know how to live without her.

I avoided prefect meetings like the plague, sure old man Dumbledore would come snooping around eventually to ask me why. It killed me to see her with _him_, laughing because of _him_, smiling at _him_. She was supposed to hate him. Hate all of them. But she betrayed me like she never said she would.

It was my turn to watch out for Regulus, to make sure he got back from his meeting alright. I didn't know why Bella felt it imperative to meet with him every other night, but I did mind the fact that I had to spend most of my rounds waiting for him to get in.

The moon's reflection in the lake was brighter, bigger than usual. I remembered nights with Lily in third and fourth year spent out here after hours, watching her as she splashed around in the shallow parts of the lake without a care in the world. It was one of my favorite memories, one that I'd hold with me forever, and I only hoped that Lily was thinking about them, too.

"You can leave." I didn't need to turn around to know that Sirius Black stood behind me, reeking of a bar.

"What do you want, Black?" I muttered.

Sirius snorted. "I fail to see how that is your business."

"And I fail to see why you're doing this," I snapped, turning to face him. He was smug and messy and everything that made me mad in the world. "Any of this actually. You don't like your brother, Sirius. You don't like your cousins or your family or our purpose. And yet here you are, at our meetings and doing our duties. For what? What do you have to gain from all of this?"

"Do you really think I'd confide in _you_?" Sirius asked in disbelief, as if the thought caused him great physical pain. He always looked at me like that—like I was no better than the scum at the bottom of his perfectly polished shoes. Never has Sirius done anything more than make me feel insignificant even if he was no better than I was. "I can't even confide in my own friends and yet here you are, asking me these questions you have no right to ask. You're pathetic."

I drew myself to my fullest height, determined to not let him win this time. He didn't have his lackeys—his filthy, worthless friends this time. Not even his threats would hurt me.

"I don't care what your cousins tell you or what you might think of yourself in that big head of yours," I said coldly, eyeing him with the utmost distaste, "you will never be good enough to serve the cause."

"OH, I'M GUTTED," Sirius bellowed, clutching his chest. "You have _absolutely _ruined me for life, Snivellus! How will I live, knowing I'm not worthy to serve your bloody _cause?_"

I narrowed my eyes at him, folding my arms over my chest. "I knew you weren't in this. Just wait until Bellatrix hears—"

"I'm not scared of Bellatrix," Sirius snapped. "I've never been scared of her and I will never be scared of her. You better watch your mouth, Snivellus; I can make your life absolutely miserable."

"Your threats mean nothing to me, Black," I snarled.

"Then why does your eyes say something completely different?" Sirius smirked. "Watch it, Snape. I can do a lot more to you than you think."

Before I could reply, telling him that nothing he could do would bother me, Regulus walked up, presumably from the gate where he apparated in. His face was impassive, hood pulled over his head, and he was scratching at his forearm distractedly. Sirius didn't give me another look, approaching his brother and whispering something to him, too far away for me to hear.

* * *

><p>Professor Slughorn and I had a standing appointment every Sunday after breakfast where I'd help him organize his stores and he'd help me brew potions that weren't in the curriculum. It started with Lily and I, Slughorn delighting in our natural abilities, but Lily stopped coming after our fifth year.<p>

I didn't miss the way Slughorn's face fell every time I walked in without my "fiery counterpart."

I waited outside his office door, reading for the Defense homework, when I heard voices. Curious, I leaned into the door thinking it was coming from inside but the only noises on the other side was Slughorn's snores and the sound of his fish jumping out of the water every once in a while.

I was about to turn back to my reading when Pettigrew appeared, a blonde girl following him close behind. Quickly, I gathered my things and disappeared behind a column, sure to keep myself out of view.

Pettigrew looked angry, violent even, a far cry from the bumbling, hero-worshipping fool that he usually was with Potter and Black.

"Peter, please—"

"Just drop it, okay? It's over."

"_Peter_!"

"No!" He shouted, rounding on her. The girl bit her lip, looking as if she wanted to touch him but thought better of it. "I can't do this anymore. Just leave me alone."

"Why are you doing this?" She cried before putting her hand over her mouth, sobbing uncontrollably. I thanked God that Lily never liked to cry. She was too strong for such silly things like crying and making a joke of herself.

"Let it go, Minnie," Pettigrew snapped. "You'll be better off."

She shook her head, her blonde hair falling in a halo around her head. "But—"

"I have to meet my friends." He didn't wait for her response before walking away from the girl, clenching his fists and disappearing up the stairs from the dungeons.

* * *

><p>I saw her coming back from the Owlrey, Lupin and McKinnon trailing behind her. McKinnon saw me first, trailing off and stopping a few steps ahead of where I stood.<p>

"Snape," She said coldly, causing Lily and Lupin to stop short and stare at me. "Who would you have to write to?"

"Mind your own business," I snapped. I never liked Lily's friends, and Marlene McKinnon was at the top of that list. She was tactless, abrasive, and pig headed, and all she did was bring Lily down. It was time that someone put her in her place once and for all.

I reached for my wand, ready to do just that, when Lily stepped forward. "Five points from Slytherin," She said coldly. "And if I see you trying to take out your wand on someone again, it'll be much worse than that."

My mouth dropped open. "Lily—"

"Come on, guys," She said to Lupin and McKinnon, grabbing both their hands and pulling them forward, Lupin nearly knocking me over as they did so.

I felt cold, empty, as I stood there watching them walk away from me. With the realization that she was alive, I had a reborn hope that she'd come back to me. Lily meant too much to me, did too much for me, for me to just let her go. She consumed my mind, my thoughts, everything that I was. I couldn't imagine a life where I didn't love her. I didn't want to.

* * *

><p>"Severus, Georgina wants you to ask her to Hogsmeade," Nick informed me when I walked into our dormitory. He was changing out of his robes, admiring his abdomen in the foggy mirror. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, walking over to my bunk and ducking over a head lamp that hung too low. "Severus?"<p>

"I heard you, Nick," I sighed, waving my wand to retrieve my pajamas and robe. "But I'm not interested in Georgie. _She _should know that."

"Rosier won't be happy you keep turning down his little sister."

"Rosier should focus more on passing Defense than what I do with his little sister."

Nick grinned at me. "Did you hear that a mudblood first year got stuck in the toilets after first?"

"Something to that effect," I said dryly. "Who was it this time?"

"Avery and Carrow."

"Ah. The dream team."

"Right," Nick snorted. "'Cept they ran into bloody Evans and she gave them detentions for a week."

"Ah," I repeated, feigning disinterest. Nick hadn't brought up what Black said at the manor over the summer, and I wanted to keep it that way. Lily wasn't theirs to bring up.

"Avery reckons we teach her a bit of a lesson," Nick continued, pulling on his shirt. "But Walden thinks we're better off leaving it alone."

"Walden manages to get the better of the grades," I shrugged though I was on edge; the thought of one of them hurting Lily caused me to imagine things that I hadn't thought of since the summer when I thought she was gone. "He might not be the worst person of the lot."

"It's the least we could do after what I did to her pretty little mudblood friend back in fifth," Nick smiled salaciously.

I didn't say anything; what Nick did was yet another point of contention between Lily and I, one of the many things I wish I had stopped. She didn't understand. She never wanted to understand.

After getting ready for bed, I climbed into my four poster and rolled over to my side, leaning forward to place my wand on my nightstand. Nick mirrored me, getting into the bed to my right, and the only thing that could be heard besides our breathing was the sounds of the lake outside our walls.

"Does Regulus seem different to you?" Nick asked suddenly.

"What?"

He huffed, sitting up in his bed and pointing his wand at a headlamp to turn it back on. "Regulus. Does he seem different? Now that him and his brother are talking again?"

"He's no more skittish and quiet than he usually is," I said, rolling my eyes. The absolute last thing I wanted was to have girl talk with Mulciber before bed. "Why?"

"I had to write Lucius for my nightly report and I ran into him on my way up to retrieve Gaston," Nick started, running a hand along the patches of scruff along his chin. For whatever reason he thought it was a good look and failed to use the razors that I not so subtly left in his bag of toiletries. "And it was the absolute weirdest thing, you know? The second he saw me, he backed away and nearly fell down the stairs trying to get away from me. But right before I could ask him what the hell was wrong—"

"Sirius showed up," I finished dryly.

Nick nodded. "Yeah. Out of thin air almost."

"He has a knack for it."

"It's weird, you know? How he can always seem to find where his brother is at all times."

I considered that; no matter where we were, who we were with, if Regulus was there then Sirius wasn't far away.

"He's just keeping tabs on his brother," I said after a moment.

"But why?" Nick frowned, scratching his head. "He hated Reg when he started hanging out with us."

"I'm not sure," I admitted, bitterness finding it's way into my tone. "But I know we'll find out soon enough."

* * *

><p>Defense Against the Dark Arts was my favorite class, one of the bright spots on my otherwise dull day. There was something so intoxicating about learning the Dark Arts, putting yourself into the mindset of the enemy as they attempt to arm themselves. The Dark Arts should be learned with a keen eye, an appreciation for what they are and what they can do.<p>

Professor Ramsey did nothing for the class, lecturing for what felt like hours and assigning book pages. No practice during classes, no demonstrations, nothing. I could only hope he'd be sacked by the end of the year like every other teacher we've had.

I was copying down how the detect when a wizard is under the Imperius when a paper airplane caught my attention. It sailed right by my desk, curved around Kellam Bell's head, and straight onto James Potter's lap. I whipped my head to the source, my stomach dropping to the floor when I realized who it was.

Lily.

Discreetly, I peeked at Potter through my hair and saw his face change from surprise to confusion to amusement as he read what Lily had written. He was smirking as he scribbled something back, glancing at Ramsey before sending it back to Lily.

I watched this exchange for the rest of class; Lily and MacDonald giggling as Lily and Potter exchanged notes, occasionally sending it over to Remus and McKinnon's or Black and Pettigrew's tables for them to read. It was when Lily's face turned a bright shade of crimson at something Potter had written when I nearly snapped my quill in two.

"Mr. Potter," Ramsey boomed, calling the attention to him at the front of the class where he had just been writing things down on the board. "What do you have there?"

"Um—"

"Please, share with the class," The old man said, not giving Potter the opportunity to worm his way out of this one.

Mary patted Lily's back, covering her grin with her hand, as Potter got to his feet, clearing his throat dramatically. Lily put her face in her hands, shaking her head over and over again.

"'James, have I mentioned how nice you look today in your uniform?'" He started to read. Lily's head snapped up but he didn't pay her any attention. "Then I wrote, 'Why thank you, Evans, that's so nice of you to say. You also look especially lovely on this wonderful Monday afternoon.' Uh—it's really just more of the same, Professor. Shall I go on?"

"No, I think that will suffice, Mr. Potter," Ramsey sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Get back to work or it'll be a detention for the both of you. Am I clear, Miss Evans?"

"Yes, Professor," Lily and Potter said in unison. I nearly lost it when Potter winked at her, causing her to flush and smile back at him. That wasn't the look of the girl who hated no good, filthy James Potter.

That was the look of a girl who was falling for him.

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

According to Professor Dumbledore, it was imperative this year that both Head Boy and Girl get together at the beginning off the week after supper to go over schedules and divvy out duties for the prefects for the week.

Except James and I spend those meetings out on the pitch, where I watch him practice and he occasionally listens to me when I read him off the agenda.

"And I'd really like to remind everyone about bathroom etiquette!" I called out as he did a rather impressive loop into a goal. "I've gotten enough complaints for my lifetime!"

"Evans, I couldn't care less about whether or not kids are wearing their shower slippers!" James laughed as he zoomed by.

I rolled my eyes, resisting the urge to Confound him off his broom again. Probably wouldn't do good to injure him though; he was our best chance at a win against Ravenclaw next month. "Have we come to an agreement for the Hogsmeade weekend?"

"I thought we decided on the first week of October instead?"

"Just making sure we're on the same page," I said, putting a check next to "HOGSMEADE" on my notes. "And Filch gave me a new list of Forbidden Objects to put up."

"He really needs to find a way to make better use of his time I reckon."

"Trash it?"

"Trash it."

Crumbling up the list, I stuffed it to the bottom of my bag and tapped my quill against my bottom lip as I looked over my list again. "There's another thing—we've gotten countless complaints about pitch scheduling."

"Oh really?" James asked, clearly amused by this. He came to a halt in front of where I sat in the stands and smoothed his hair down, only for it to pop right back up again. "What a pity."

"You have to let them on the pitch, James," I chided, though it didn't matter much to me either way. But if I had to hear Amos or Richard complain to me one more time, I was going to lose my mind. "Even if it's once a week, you have to accept their requests or I'll be forced to take over—and I _really _don't want to take over."

"It's Diggory, ain't it? Davies as well?" James snorted, shaking his head. "They're both a bunch of prats. To be fair, I was honestly willing to hear them out. It's just so hard to get a date out of 'em through all the whining."

I concealed my grin with my hand. "There was also a password change so we'll have to inform the prefects of course."

"Of course," James repeated in a falsetto, no doubt trying to mock me. But there was a time for play and there was a time for responsibility, and I liked to make it seem like a gave a sliver of seriousness on occasion.

"That's it, the—OI, JAMES WATCH OUT!" I screamed, leaning over the side just as a blast of red hit James square in the back. I barely had a second to react, pulling out my wand and bellowing, "_Wingardium Leviosa_," in time to keep James from crashing to the ground.

Down on the grounds, a group of students were fleeing off the pitch, black hoods pulled over their heads. It wasn't the best disguise, but it was enough to get the message and not hold them accountable at the same time.

I didn't have the luxury of both going after them and helping James, and I felt like James hovering limply in the air was a bit more pressing. If I hadn't pulled my wand at in time, if I had been distracted—I didn't even want to think about it.

Quickly, I lowered him to the ground before hurrying out of the stands onto the pitch, falling to my knees next to his listless form.

"James," I said urgently, holding onto his face. "James, please, wake up. You have to wake up. Please, wake up."

A moment passed before I heard a noise come from the back of his throat, a cross between a groan and an expletive too low to make out. I adjusted him so his head was in my lap, smoothing back his hair and checking out his face for any injuries.

"Dammit, Evans," James mumbled, "one would have thought you'd have had gentler hands than that."

"Merlin," I breathed, encircling his head with my arms and squeezing.

"Oi," He groaned, wiggling free of my grip. I helped him into a sitting position and he rubbed the back of his neck, wincing slightly. "Who did that?"

"I have no idea," I admitted, brushing the grass off his uniform. "They ran away before I could get a good look. But—"

"You have a hunch."

I nodded. "Don't I always?"

* * *

><p>It wasn't exactly inspired. It wasn't the best. It certainly wasn't history in the making. But by the time we told Marlene, Peter, Remus, and Sirius what happened on the pitch, we had a plan ready and duties divvied out. If there was one thing I learned from my work as prefect and Head Girl, it was how to organize.<p>

"It'll take a month," I informed the lot of them as they stood around the cauldron I worked on. I picked out two bundles of the knotgrass and tossed it in, making sure to stir the brew three times, clockwise. "Now we have to wait 60 minutes."

"Brilliant," James grinned, reclining back into the cavernous tub. I had the idea to close down the prefect's bath to ensure no one sneaking up on us, and James couldn't have looked more pleased.

Well, either it was that or how upset Sirius had been in his honor that made him so luminous lately.

"I have half a mind to just go down there and clock Mulciber myself," Sirius muttered, pulling his hair into a bun at the back of his head. "Worthless prat."

"Don't act differently around your mates, Black," Marlene smirked, fanning her hair out around her head as she lay back in the tub. "We all know you've been off with Nicky and the gang these past few weeks."

"Marlene," I warned, eyeing Sirius wearily. It was good to have him back, good to see the boys so thrilled to have him back. The last thing I wanted was for Marlene to chase him off again.

Sirius didn't say a word, instead crossing his legs and sitting down next to Remus, who patted his shoulder silently for Sirius to put his head on. I watched them, biting my lip, unsure if I should say something.

It was when James moved to leave that I made my decision.

"Wait," I said suddenly, turning all attention to turn to me. "Wait."

"What is it, Evans?" James said tiredly, running a hand over his face.

I glanced over at Sirius. "Uh—"

"It's time I finally explained myself," Sirius interrupted, standing up. He picked at his fingers, looking unsure and nervous of what everyone would say when he came clean. It was the same look he had when we spoke on the tower, and I felt the same squeeze to my heart that happened last time. "I know I've been a prat—"

"—Bingo—"

"—and I know I've been absent, and I know I've been upsetting everyone by going behind all your backs."

"It's alright, Sirius," Remus said quietly, patting Sirius' back.

Sirius smiled tightly down at him before turning back to the rest of us. "That night at that pub, seeing my brother in that robe with those people, I just—I felt like I failed him. I needed to try to get him back, as much as an idiot Reg has been."

"So all of this—going behind our backs, making us worry—was because you were trying to get your crazy, idealist brother onto the right side again?" James frowned, not looking pleased.

"Let him speak," I whispered, narrowing my eyes at him. He rolled his eyes but nodded for Sirius to continue anyway, surprising me with how easy it was to convince him.

Sirius averted his eyes, staring at his feet. "For a while, I thought I was doing a good job. I thought we were getting somewhere, you know? Regulus was starting to pull away from his friends and he seemed…almost weary to be around them. It—"

"How did they let you spend so much time with him?" Peter interrupted, breathing heavily. "What did you say to get them to trust you?"

"What a weird fucking question, Peter," James said, shaking his head. I gave him another look and he resigned to putting his head in his hands.

"It's fine," Sirius said weakly, "there was a—I don't know, some kind of mission that Voldemort needed me for. Bellatrix never trusted me for shit but Cissy did. She let some things slip, told me more than I was supposed to know at the time."

"And?" James prompted, impatient now, as he adjusted himself to the edge of the pool to face Sirius. "What did you learn?"

"He wants a spy," Sirius shrugged. "Someone with connections on both sides. He overestimated my family loyalty it would seem."

"So how is it you're allowed to be with us right now?" Marlene asked, still suspicious of Sirius. Remus, James, Peter, and I all stared at her, mystified that she would question him; but then again, Mar didn't know Sirius like we did. She didn't see the good in him that we saw.

I pushed myself to my feet, coming to sit on the other side of him. Cautiously, I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "You don't have to rush it, Sirius," I told him softly. "You don't have to tell us anything you don't want to."

"It's fine, Evans," Sirius said, smiling. "I told them I didn't have what it took. That I'd fail him in the end. Bella, the freak that she is, agreed and shut me out. I think the only reason I'm alive right now is because of my last name. Wouldn't be surprised that the next time our paths cross, she won't be as merciful."

"Well we won't have to ever worry about that," I said reassuringly. I opened my mouth to say something else but James cut me off.

"So all of that—all of that time spent apart—was because you were trying to bring back Regulus?" James asked, tugging on his bottom lip. I couldn't imagine what was going through his head with this revelation. "That's rubbish, mate."

Sirius sighed, shoulders slumping forward. "I just thought I'd try. Sixteen years old and on his way to get marked? I failed him."

"Regulus has always been a bit more pliable," Remus reminded him. "Always bought into that magic is might bullshit. He was a lost cause."

"At least you tried," Peter added, but his voice sounded off, like he wasn't paying attention anymore. Like he was on autopilot.

"I feel like I might've made a difference," Sirius shrugged, resting his chin on his hands, "like maybe he'll see the light sooner or later."

"Maybe," James said, though he didn't sound convinced.

None of us had been with Sirius though; no one saw what he saw. He was knee deep into Death Eater headquarters, hanging out with the future leaders of the movement. He exposed himself to the very things he escaped, all to save his baby brother.

* * *

><p>"Is everything alright?" I asked Remus as we filed out of the bathroom, looping my arm through his. "How was Sunday night?"<p>

"Exhausting," Remus muttered.

"No causalities this time though."

Remus snorted. "Sirius got a little too excited and scratched James in the face."

"That's what that is?" I asked in disbelief, looking over my shoulder to peek at James. There was a faint line from his cheek bone down to his neck, resembling a tiny scar. "But it's nearly healed?"

"Peter's pretty handy with healing charms."

I ruffled his hair, earning a half smile from him. He always looked so tired after the transformation, as opposed to how sick he was days leading up to it. It did him good to smile every once in a while.

"Your robes are getting shabby again, you menace," I teased, tugging on his sleeve. "I know what I'm getting you for Christmas this year."

"That's months away," Remus snorted.

"Then you'd do better to take care of your clothes before then," I scolded, wagging my finger at him.

He laughed, grabbing my finger. "Yes, Mum."

"Good, boy," I grinned.

"Evans," James called, stopping short, straightening his robes. "Where are our prefects?"

"The Hufflepuff fifth years should be doing rounds."

"Yes, but where are they?"

"Doing their rounds?" I frowned. "Why?"

James waited until Sirius, Marlene, and Peter turned the corner before dragging Remus and I into a corner, covering my mouth when I tried to object. "Shut up a second, will you?" He muttered, reaching into his inside pocket and pulling out a yellowed piece of parchment.

"What is—"

"Remus?" James said exasperatedly, giving Remus a pointed look as he muttered something into the parchment, tapping it once with his wand.

Remus put his hands on my shoulders, stooping down so we were eye level. "What we're about to show you is very important, Marauder business, alright, Lily? You can't tell anyone about this."

"Um—"

"C'mon, Remus, I'm getting gray here!"

"Patience is a virtue, James," Remus deadpanned before turning back to me. "We have a map—"

"A map?"

"Merlin, Remus, she's a bloody parrot now—"

"—yes, a map of the school. It's how we get away with most things and we'd quite like to keep it a little longer if you could—"

"Yeah, yeah, don't tell anyone; now get over here, you lot," James said impatiently, unfolding the parchment and holding it out for us to see. "Look, I don't see Abbott or Rhinecliff out here right now. Where are they?"

"Not a clue," I frowned, leaning in to get a better look. In his hands was a map like no map I've ever seen before, and I used to be Chief Navigator in road trips to my Nan when I was younger. It was an exact outline of all of the grounds, including Hagrid's shack and the Whomping Willow. Little dots moved along— "Is that me?"

"Yeah," James asked distractedly, eyebrows pulled together as he scanned the page. "I don't see them anywhere, not even in their common room."

"Did they leave the grounds?" Remus shrugged.

"We would've seen them going through the passages."

"Did they disapparate?"  
>"You can't disapparate on the grounds, prat."<p>

"Right."

I blinked at them. "Why is any of this important? How did you even know they weren't on duty?"

"Because they go past the prefect bathroom at six on the dot every Wednesday on their way to get the sixth years," James said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Do you—do you just sit there and watch the dots all night?" I asked slowly, pulling my eyebrows together. I couldn't picture James worrying so much about whether or not the prefects were doing their jobs that he sat up monitoring them.

His ears turned red. "Um, I just wanted to be sure they were okay."

"We have to tell Dumbledore," Remus said suddenly, grabbing the map from James and refolding it neatly. "I don't see them anywhere, mate. We have to be sure they're safe."

"Why would they not be safe?" I frowned, hurrying after the two boys as they turned in the other direction for Dumbledore. They were impressively tall for their age, meaning I had to go twice my normal pace just to keep up with their easy strides. I nearly missed the stair change, almost plummeting to my death if it weren't for James grabbing onto my upper arm to hold me up.

James barked the password at the gargoyle, barely waiting for it to jump aside before running into the corridor. Remus didn't hesitate to follow suit and I was embarrassingly out of breath by the time I crossed the threshold into the headmaster's office, grabbing onto an end table as I tried to catch my breath.

"They're not on their rounds, sir," Remus was explaining calmly as James paced the room. "We've noticed that a few prefects have been missing during their rounds."

Dumbledore rubbed the end of his beard, eyes following James as he walked back and forth, mumbling to himself every once in a while.

"Do they come back?" The Headmaster asked softly, turning his attention back to Remus.

"Yes, sir, almost always before curfew."

"And how are you noticing this trend?"

Remus immediately turned to James, who stopped his pacing long enough to stare hopelessly back at his best friend, running a hand through his messy hair.

"James picked up the route the prefects take on their rounds," Remus finally said. "And when they don't show, we go around the castle but they're never around."

"Have you informed anyone else of this?" Dumbledore pressed, raising his eyebrows.

"No, sir, we have not."

"And you're certain that there's no other way you've noticed the students are missing?"

Remus hesitated half a second before nodding his head once. "Yes, sir, we're certain."

"Hm," hummed Dumbledore, shaking back the sleeves of his robes so he could clasp his hands together.

"That's it?" James said suddenly, angrily almost. "A bloody 'hmm' is all we're going to get?"

"Mr. Potter, perhaps if there was a way to see the castle in it's entirety at all times of the day, I would be more inclined to believe that the students are missing," Dumbledore said airily, pausing a moment to let that sink in. "As it stands presently, I'd hazard a guess that your prefect's have chosen other ways to occupy their nights. Perhaps this is something you and Miss Evans would like to discuss at your next prefect meeting."

"But—"

"Now, if I'm not mistaken—which, forgive me, I rarely am—it is time for bed."

"Professor—"

"Goodnight, Mr. Potter. Miss Evans. Mr. Lupin."

"Goodnight, Professor."

* * *

><p>AN: Sirius is officially back! The point of that little escapade was to give a little back story on why Regulus changed his mind about being a Death Eater, ultimately leading to his death. Like most things in the HP world, it was love. Regulus and Sirius' bond as brothers, broken by Regulus' loyalty to his family and dark magic, was strong enough to allow Sirius to show him the light, even if it was too late. It also serves another purpose but we'll get into that a little later…

I hope everyone likes this update! It was one of my favorite chapters to write so far. :)) Let me know if you guys have any questions or theories; I'd loooove to hear them!

Until next time!

-S


	13. Chapter 13--James and Lily and Severus

**UNEDITED**

* * *

><p>Between the missing prefects, Sirius's Death Eater days, and my dropping Potions grade, seventh year wasn't anything like my cousin Caradoc told me it would be like. And on top of all that rubbish, Penny was on my case 247, bugging me about Hogsmeade weekend and how _all her friends have been properly asked_ already and that I spend more time running around with my friends than with her.

I've never had a proper girlfriend before, never been one to court a girl or take long strolls under the moonlight together. If I felt lonely, I talked to Remus. If I wanted a laugh, I hung out with Peter. And if I wanted someone to spend forever with, well, that's what Sirius was for. It was safe to say I had no idea how to handle Penny or her needs or expectations.

Yet I still found myself waiting outside the Ravenclaw common room, leaning against the wall, waiting for Penny to appear with a group of her giggling friends. I nearly lost it when Davies walked out, looking every bit like the smug wanker he was.

"James," Penny greeted happily as she bounced out. She threw her arms around my neck, giving me a peck on the check and smelling like daisies and citrus. "You look especially fit this morning."

"Thanks," I said quietly, allowing her to loop her arm through mine and drag us along to the Great Hall. Her friends were chatting about something—I think I heard "Dumbledore" and "panties" in the same sentence—and I resisted the urge to pull Penny aside and ask if we could spend a few minutes without the back up dancers.

When we entered the dining area, I immediately scanned my table for any familiar faces. I had just landed on a head of dark red hair when Penny started to tug me towards the other side of the dining hall, effectively deciding where I was to sit that morning. I was finding it harder and harder to split my time evenly between her and my friends, and I knew eventually I'd need to make a decision.

Penny's friends greeted us as we took our seats between them all, girls grabbing onto her arm and giggling while the boys sat up a bit straighter, using deeper voice and sitting up a bit staighter.

I was distracted too though-one thing I hated about the Ravenclaw table was they never had sausage; sure, they had loads of kippers but sometimes I felt like a sausage and they never had them.

I was brooding over just that when I felt Penny's lips graze my ear, pulling me out of my breakfast meat angst.

"You're feeling especially affectionate this morning," I smiled, turning my head to kiss her lips quickly. I noticed it was eaiser to give Penny what she wanted as soon as she wanted, as opposed to asking questions first. "What's up?"

"I'm just happy to be spending time with you, is all," She shrugged, batting her eyelashes and smiling back at me.

I flicked her long ponytail once before turning back to the platter of toast in front of me. "Did you finish that Charms essay?"

"No but Professor Flitwick understands I'm busy with chorus," Penny said breezily, putting her hand on my thigh under the table. "Whatever happened to those prefects you were talking about a few weeks ago? The ones that weren't doing their jobs?"

"Sorted it at the meeting," I said, omitting the part where Lily let them all have it while I got to stand by. It was odd-the moment we brought up the missing prefects, more than jsut the prefects in question froze up, turning white. The guilt was practically papable in that room. "Did Christine give you your hairbrush back?"

"Found it the other morning under her pillow, the slag," Penny smirked, taking a tiny bite of her toast. "Have you asked old Sluggy about tutoring yet?"

I groaned, shaking my head and leaning against her shoulder. "I completely forgot to ask," I admitted, pouting slightly. "He's probably going to want to tutor me himself because I waited too long to ask."

"That's why I didn't take my NEWTs for Potions."

"Need 'em if I want to be an auror."

"You'll be the most handsome auror," Penny said smugly, adjusting the collar of my uniform shirt.

"I hope that'll be under the title of 'the most successful auror,'" I said through a mouthful of eggs. "Has your mum written you back yet?"

"Not yet," She said sadly, "but Grandmother said she'd love to have you over for dinner during the holidays."

"I'd like that," I smiled, leaning over to kiss her cheek. Turning back to my eggs, I was about to take another bite when I saw Peter get up from the table; except, when I tried to wave hello, he turned his head and sped out of the dining hall.

"What was that about?" Penny asked, putting her head on my shoulder.

"I dunno," I frowned, tugging at my bottom lip. "I should probably check if he's okay—"

"You promised to walk me to class," Penny pouted, straightening up to look at me. "You said that you'd be there for all my classes today."

"He's my best mate, Pen."

"But—"

"I'll be right back," I said quickly, kissing her forehead chastely before climbing off the bench. I grabbed my bag before dodging two first years on my way out of the dining hall. "Good one, Avery," I quipped as I hopped over his stumpy leg, his attempt to trip me quickly foiled. I didn't miss the rude gesture he made and resisted the urge to hex him in favor of catching up to Peter instead. I knew he had something to do with what happened to me on the pitch, but he'd get his own soon enough.

I pushed the front doors opened and darted outside, aware that I only had ten minutes before class started. My eyes scanned the grounds, searching the faces of the few students soaking in the early morning sun for Peter's. I was about to head back inside when I caught sight of Peter's Wimbourne Wasps badge hanging off his bag.

"Peter!" I called, running down the hill. "Hey! Wait!" Thankfully he stopped walking and I was able to catch up to him quick enough. I came to stop in front of him, slightly out of breath and grinning. "Mate, why'd you—Wormtail, are you alright?"

He nodded curtly, averting his eyes. "I'm fine."

"Why did you run out of there like that?" I asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I was waving and you just ran—"

"I must not have seen you," Peter shrugged, moving away from my reach. My arm hung lamely at my side, my face falling. "I promised Hagrid I'd see him before classes so I'd better—"

"Get going, yeah," I finished dryly, taking a step back. "Look, are we-?"

"We're good, mate," He said, smiling tightly.

I squinted at him, not buying it in the slightest. "Peter—"

"It's just my mum, ya know," He shrugged, looking away again. "She's all alone and the neighbors, they're not help. I'm just worried about her is all. It's not a secret she fraternizes with Dumbledore."

Instantly, I felt relief, my shoulders relaxing, a smile tugging on my lips again. "Why didn't you just say that, man?"

"I dunno," Peter shrugged, looking sheepish. "I don't wanna make myself out to be this prat, I guess."

"We're here for ya, mate," I assured him, patting him on his back once. "C'mon, let's get to class, alright?"

"Yeah. Alright."

* * *

><p>"How much longer?" I asked Lily as we walked back to the common room from the dungeons. I held out my hands for her books and she smiled at me before giving me her things. She always walked around with too much, always rubbing her neck because her bag was too heavy. I had no idea how such a small person could carry around so much; she reminded me of a tiny, red ant.<p>

Lily shrugged. "A few more days, I think. It's nearly been a month now. What about everything else we discussed?"

"Marlene and Peter are on it."

"Brilliant."

Lily put her arm out to stop me, allowing a group of first years to walk by before we went up the stairs. She reached out to straighten my tie before we started walking again. "How's your mum? Still sick?" She asked, voice gentle.

"Yeah but she said it's just the flu," I shrugged. The last letter she wrote only had one mention of how poorly she felt, focusing more on the drama with her book club mates than her temperature. "She always feels poorly when the seasons change."

"Do you think Ramsey's going to get on our case again today?" Lily smirked, hopping over the trick step gracefully.

I rolled my eyes, following her lead. I heard a tiny grasp behind me and had to stop to help a second year out, having gotten her ankle stuck in the sinkhole.

"It's a review day so hopefully he'll be too distracted by our natural brilliance," I teased, nudging her once we were back on track.

"Right," She laughed as we walked into class. I took my seat next to Sturgis while Lily went to sit in hers with Mary, the two girls immediately getting into a whispered conversation as she takes her seat.

I took out my textbook and wand, setting them side by side on my desktop before turning to Benjy, who was busy writing something on a piece of parchment.

"Bit early for notes, mate?" I grinned, leaning back in my chair.

He looked up, running a hand through his strawberry blonde hair. "Haven't written to Chirag lately. Been feeling like a piss poor best mate, I have."

"How is Chirag?"

Benjy shrugged, twirling his quill between his fingers.

"I think him and Bee are moving in together after the holidays," He admitted. "Things have been moving a bit fast but she makes him happy."

"And that's all we can ask for, right?" I grinned before nodding to the letter. "Send him my best, will you? I've been meaning to write to him myself."

"Of course, mate."

Ramsey took that opportunity to exit his office, pulling his robes on and looking as if he had just rolled out of bed.

The class fell silent; the Ravenclaw's and Hufflepuff's sitting up straighter, the Slytherin's discreetly flying paper airplanes around the room, and the Gryffindor's snoozing or flicking their wands under their desks, creating sparks or flowers to come out the end.

"Afternoon," The professor greeted hoarsely, straightening his tie as he came to stand at the front of the class. "As we all know, we'll be reviewing the patronus charm for the last time before your examinations." He paused, waving his wand with a flourish, the words "_Expecto Patronum"_ and the theory appearing in chalk. "Now—"

"Will we be able to practice in class again?" Sirius asked, only raising his hand after he interrupted. Ramsey narrowed his eyes at him, only to have Sirius stare back defiantly in a way only Sirius could.

"Class was so much better when we practiced," Peter added.

Lily raised her hand. "Sir, if we could just _practice _a bit more, I think it would really help us for our exams. That could only make you look better, Professor."

"Thank you, Miss Evans. Mr. Pettigrew. Mr. Black," Ramsey said sharply. "But I think we had enough fun last class. Now—"

"Excuse me, Professor," I interrupted, getting to my feet and running a hand through my hair so it would be out of my face, "but they have a point. We'd do better to practice—"

"Mr. Potter—"

"No, really," I said earnestly. "Please, let us practice. And not just this spell, but all of them. Then we could use your expertise to better ourselves."

"If you know the theory—"

"Then we'll know the spell," Marlene finished mockingly, also getting to get feet. "We've heard it all before. What we want is to actually have some experience, Professor. Please—"

"_That's enough_," Ramsey snapped, slamming a textbook on the desk for emphasis. "_I_ am the professor for this class and _I'm _going to be the one who decides what we do today. Get out your quills. All of you. We're doing lines today."

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

"That old, good for nothing, sack of shit," Marlene snarled, tossing her textbooks in the corner by her bed. She ripped off her robes, balled them up, and threw them over her shoulder. "Ridiculous, pompous _arsehole. _I have _never_—"

"We get it, Mar," Mary sighed, pulling off her own robes. "Ramsey is the worst."

I sat at the edge of my bed, kicking off my flats and rolling off my socks. There wasn't much I could add to the conversation that Marlene didn't already say; plus, I had to get to tutoring in the dungeons before dinner and I was already late because of Mary wanted to go to the Owlery to send a letter to her new boyfriend.

Grabbing my books, I slipped on a more comfortable pair of shoes, threw on a jumper, and slipped out of the room while Mary tried to reason with Marlene. The last time I was late for tutoring, Edgar Bones took all of the reasonable students while I was stuck with a first year Slytherin who liked the idea of flipping my skirt up more than learning how to brew an antidote. Since then, I've learned that punctuality and long pants were my best friends during these sessions.

I barely made it into Slughorn's office before Edgar, smirking at him before I smoothed down my hair and sauntered in, taking the plush chair directly in front of the fire place. There were other students—underclassmen really—milling around with drinks, and I resisted the urge to laugh at Professor Slughorn's frivolous nature. Everything was a show, a grand affair. He rarely did anything that wasn't over the top.

"This seat taken?" James asked, drawing me from my thoughts.

I looked up and frowned at him. "What are you doing here?"

"The bleakness of the dungeons helps my disposition."

"Come off it. What are you doing? Here to take the piss?"

James rolled his eyes, slouching into the seat across from me. He slid so far down that his knees came up higher than his head, and I was scared he'd fall right off.

"I need tutoring," He muttered under his breath before blowing a piece of hair out of his.

"I'm sorry, come again?" I said, smirking.

"I need tutoring."

"One more time, I missed that."

"I need _tutoring_."

"The draft, mate, I just keep missing—"

"I NEED TUTORING," He bellowed, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. He breathed heavily, eyes darting around as he challenged anyone to say something to him, before slouching back in his chair tiredly. "My marks are slipping."

I bit my lip, attempting to hide my amusement. "What happened? Dog on the brain?"

"Clever. No. I'm just having trouble juggling my extracurriculars."

"Your extracurriculars? What? Holding hands with Sirius taking up to much of your time? Hair braiding with Remus? Cuddling with Peter?"

"Oh piss off," James laughed, throwing a crumbled piece of parchment at me. "It's not just them. I'm not used to prefect duties like you are. Add that to Quidditch practice, worrying about Sirius, and NEWTs, I've barely got enough time to take a proper piss, let alone be a proper boyfriend for Penny."

My eyes widened at James' use of the term 'boyfriend,' something I was sure he didn't even know existed. I wasn't prepared for him to say that; everyone was so unsure of what was going on between Penny and James. Even Remus wasn't certain that his best mate was with the pretty Ravenclaw. Something woke up inside of me; something that I hadn't bothered thinking about since the summer, and I suddenly felt like I was suffocating.

"I see," I said slowly, looking away as my face heat up. "Well Edgar is a great tutor—"

"Edgar?" James frowned, sitting up straight. "Why would I want Bones to—"

"I have to talk to Slughorn, excuse me, I—"

"Evans, wait, where are you—"

"Good luck with, um, everything—"

James got to his feet, nearly tripping over them in the process. "Lily—"

"Goodnight," I said quickly, turning my back on him and pushing past a server to exit the suddenly very stuffy room.

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

She avoided me like the plague, walking in the other direction when she saw me, giving Remus memos to give me instead of attending prefect meetings. I didn't see her for the rest of week. Not until that Saturday when she promised to have the potion ready for that night.

Sunlight streamed in from the stained glass window ahead, bathing us all in a golden glow from the afternoon sun. Marlene braided her hair in one of the mirrors while Sirius practiced on himself, occasionally asking her for tips, much to the amusement of Remus and Peter.

Smirking, I went over to the pool-like tub, sitting at the edge and tapping my fingers along the granite. The sound echoed throughout the room, mingling with the sounds Lily was making as she finished the brew.

"Are we all set on the plan?" She asked, brushing off her hands and standing up. I turned my body to face her and felt something stir in my stomach as I watched the way the sunlight made her shimmer, almost like a flame.

"You and Marlene will take the robes Mary got from those girls' robes to distract the twats and get them into the common room," Sirius started, "while Peter and I go under the cloak and I'll swipe their wands."

"And then I'll set off a dung bomb inside while I'm under the cloak to flush them out," Peter added eagerly, bouncing on his toes.

Remus held up a finger. "While I get enough of the other students in our year out of bed, including Leander Jordan with his camera."

"While I wait outside, surprising them, and hanging them from the rafters by their pants," I finished. Lily was the only one not to look at me, irritating me to no end. We had come too far, been through too much, for her to draw back from me again. I had just gotten Sirius back. I didn't want to lose another one of my mates.

She brushed her hair out of her face, lifting her chin. "Right. Well if we all have our plans then I say we go to lunch and come back after curfew when everyone's getting ready for bed."

Everyone mumbled their consent, filing out of the room while Lily stayed back to hide the cauldron again before she left. I hung back, hoping to catch her before the slipped between my fingers again.

She finished the invisibility spell, pursing her lips as she surveyed her work. It was when she turned around that she realized I was still there, startling her.

"I didn't know you stayed back," She muttered, holding her hand to her heart. "Marlene's probably—"

"Marlene's fine," I said sharply, crossing my arms over my chest.

She raised her eyebrow. "Is there something you need, Potter?"

"Well that for once," I snapped, taking a step closer to her. "Why are you calling me by my last name? Why are you being like this again?"

"You call me Evans."

"That's different."

"Oh is that right then?"

I narrowed my eyes at her. "I think you'd do better to worry when I'm _not_ calling you, Evans, _Evans_."

"I don't have the time for this," She scoffed, moving to shove past me. Quickly, I held onto her shoulders and kept her back, holding her in front of me.

"Why are you doing this?" I said, softer now. "Lily, if—"

"I can't do this right now," She said, shaking her head.

"But why? What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything."

"Then why are you doing this to us? I thought—"

"There is no us," Lily snapped, shoving me off her. I stumbled back, eyes widening, as I watched Lily grab her bags and hurry out of the bathroom.

I felt blind sided; nothing could have prepared me for that. Lily never—I didn't think that—I couldn't even form coherent thoughts I was so confused. I slid against the wall until I landed on my arse, running my hands through my hair and tugging.

Seventh year was absolutely nothing like I thought it would be.

* * *

><p><em>Severus <em>

Carefully, I scanned the board for any possibilities, toying with my bottom lip as Mulciber smiled smugly at me as if he was already planning his victory speech. I was just about to make a safe move to carry me onto the next round until I noticed a hole—a space that Nick had left completely unguarded, either forgetting to check for all my possible moves or too cocky to remember.

Smirking slightly, I picked up my queen—my queen that was positioned across from the only pawn in front of the king—and moving it diagonally, took his pawn and placed my queen in it's place.

"Checkmate," I said arrogantly, prompting the queen to rise out of her chair and smash the king with it.

"Bullocks," Nick mumbled, tossing a pawn into the rubble and upsetting two others. "This game is stupid anyway."

"You say that because you can't beat him," Alecto snorted, reclining on one of the black leather couches as Rebecca brushed his hair with her fingers.

Francesca smirked at Nick as she read her Witch Weekly on an arm chair, her long legs dangling off the edge. "Poor Nicky," She said mockingly, pouting her lips.

"Where's Walden?" Rebecca asked suddenly, looking around the common room. "I thought we told you boys to be out here by eleven."

"He had a detention with McGonagall," Regulus shrugged, picking at the cake his mum sent for him that morning through the post. He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes, his hair greasy from running his fingers through it too many times. I hadn't seen him look this unhappy since his brother first found out he was friends with us three years ago and made a scene in the Entrance Hall.

"Why are we out here anyway?" Nick muttered, getting up from his chair and crossing over to the arm chair Francesca occupied, dropping onto her lap. For a fleeting moment, I thought I saw her lip curl in disgust before she turned back to her magazine, absently stroking his hand with two fingers.

"I thought we'd have a little fun," Rebecca shrugged, leaning forward to grab her bag from the floor and producing a bottle of wine. "Smuggled it from Slughorn during his tutoring session."

"Brilliant," Alecto grinned, snatching it from her hands, popping the cork, and taking a long swig. "Ah, it's been too long."

Rebecca's eyes darted to the clock hanging off the wall before the took the bottle from Alecto, setting it on the table in front of them. "Let's play a game."

"Yes!" Francesca said excitedly, pushing Nick off her so she could sit up. "I'm in."

Nick eyed her bum before nodding his consent. "I'm in if Fran's in."

"Sure," Alecto added. "Severus?"

"Why not?" I shrugged as I cleaned up the chess pieces that Nick tossed.

"What's the game?" Avery asked.

"First thing's first: everyone hand me their wands," Rebecca ordered, skipping around the room to collect all our wands. She grabbed everyone's before settling on me, flinching slightly as our eyes met. She hesitated a moment before holding out her hand, tapping her foot impatiently.

I eyed her skeptically for a moment before reaching into my robes, placing my wand in the palm of her hand. We stared at one another for half a beat before she spun on her heel, hopping over to a spare desk in the corner and setting all our wands down.

"No magic," She smirked, coming to sit down next to Alecto again. "Now all of us has to go the rest of the night without using any and the first person to break has to drink a glass of wine that Alecto spit in."

"Why?" Nick scoffed. "Why should we live even a minute like a worthless muggle?"

"Because it'll prove who's the strongest," Francesca replied like it made all the sense in the world. "And then we'll know what it's like to be in their heads. The better to kill them off."

"I can totally do it," Avery said cockily, leering at Fran.

She smiled tightly at him. "That's the spirit."

I was about to add my own comment about the stupidity of this "game" when something foul tickled my nose, my lip curling in response. I turned to my friends in time to see their own faces of disgust, Alecto covering the whole bottom half of his face.

"What the—"

"We have to get out of here," Rebecca squealed, grabbing the bottle and shoving it back in the bag before hurrying up the stairs outside. Francesca and Nick were the next up, Alecto, Regulus, and Avery following shortly after, while I hung back, debating whether or not to just go to bed.

A scream from outside the common room was my deciding factor and I didn't hesitate to cross the stairs two at the time, stumbling out into the corridor amidst a scene that I had not expected.

In the middle of a circle of students was James fucking Potter, wearing _that_ smirk as he pointed his wand towards my friends, who were dangling in the air by their underwear, cursing and yelling at Potter and his idiot mates.

"And that'll fucking teach you to sneak up on me while I practice, you no good, rotten _cowards_," Potter said cuttingly, practically spitting the word that echoed in my head at night, haunted me every night since first year.

_You're a coward, Snivellus. And no one likes a coward._

I reached for my wand, poised to catch Potter off guard, when I realized it wasn't in my robes where I keep it; and in that same moment of realization, my eyes met Black's across the corridor. My eyes trailed away from his face, to his hand, where I recognized a familiar, long, black wand.

* * *

><p>AN: I've prewritten quite a few chapters but I've actually had a bit of a change of heart-meaning that there might be a delay at some point as I try to rework things! Also, the first few chapters are going to be edited sometime soon when I have free time so there will be changes! Not enough changes that later chapters are changed but changes nonetheless!

I encourage anyone able to, to follow the fic tumblr I made (bebravelily) because I have a super cool writing page I've been developing full of fun stuff like character bios, faceclaims, drabbles, an update schedule and an inspiration page :))

Until next time!

-S

*** **11/10/14:** **I know many of you have already read this chapter, and I've already posted something about this on the tumblr, but I want all you lovely, wonderful readers that I am going to be taking a break from this fic because of school. Exams are a month away and deadlines are starting to hit me pretty hard, meaning I can't dedicate as much time as I want to writing. As much as I love doing this, creating an escape for myself and all of you, I can't just dedicate a section of my day to this. I end up spending way too much time trying to figure out the plot and make it better and more enjoyable, and I 100% take the blame for that. In order for me to get back on track, however, I have to cut myself off completely. I throw myself into writing this because I know where I want to go and I have an itch I can't seem to scratch to get there and share it with you all sooner, but I can't forfeit my grades to do that. Now is the time to crack down before it's too late.**

**I'm really sorry, guys**, and it's no one's fault but my own**. I'm going to miss _Be Brave_ and all of you. I hope to see you all again soon-though I'm not optimistic until the holidays.**

**Until next time.**

**-S **


	14. Chapter 14--Lily and James

**UNEDITED**

* * *

><p>"Lily! Lily, wait!" I stopped in the middle of the corridor, toast hanging out of my mouth, as I waited for Douglas to job up to me. "Hi," He greeted breathlessly, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.<p>

I took a bite from my breakfast, quickly swallowing it before smiling apologetically. "Hi."

"On a break?" He asked as we fell into step together. His tie was hanging loosely around his neck, hair artfully tousled as if he just woke up.

Nodding, I picked at the bread I had placed on my books. "I've only just had time for breakfast."

"Toast is hardly a proper meal for a growing girl," Douglas teased, bumping my arm with his. "Busy morning?"

"Between dealing with angry Quidditch players, frustrated girl's dormitories, and a crabby McGonagall, I've hardly even had time to blink," I muttered dryly. James had been MIA all morning, leaving me to deal with his work along with mine. Had I known that this would have been my morning, I wouldn't have put off my potions essay until breakfast, which I ended up skipping because I had to juggle all of my obligations on top of my paper.

"Seems like you could take more than just a break," He said casually, stepping aside so I could walk into the courtyard first.

I eyed him, raising my brows. "What do you suggest?"

"Go out with me," He grinned, laying down his robes over a stone bench before I could sit down.

I couldn't help myself; I snorted at his invitation—intrigued but not all together sold. "Why?"

"I'm sorry, did you just ask me 'why'?" Douglas asked, laughing. "That's a first."

"Oi."

"C'mon, Lily. You deserve a day of fun and I've thought of nothing short of you since McKinnon's birthday."

I rolled my eyes, pleased but tired of the old reliable lines that all boys pulled out when the going got tough. "I can't stop thinking of you." "You're all I want." "You're just so fit." "I know you want me, too." I've heard enough from enough boys, and I wondered if there would be a time that they didn't feel the need to say things like that to get a girl to go out with them.

"I dunno," I said after a moment, moving my hair off my shoulder. "I might be busy."

"I'll wait till you're not," He promised. A group of girls walked by, giggling at Douglas and turning their noses up at me. I smirked as Douglas smiled at them, running a hand through his hair and looking sheepish when he saw my face. "Friends from class."

"Oh I'm sure," I laughed. If there was one thing in life I was sure of, it was that I didn't have time to be distracted by womanizers and liars. After the holidays, weeks were going to turn into months and before we knew it, we'd be out there with the fight. I needed to be ready—not worrying about what my boyfriend was doing. "Look, I need to get to the library—"

"I get it," Douglas cut over me. "I'll let you go. But just think about it, okay? Potter's not the only one with patience."

My heart skipped a beat, face heating up, breath hitching in my throat. Numbly, I nodded as Douglas kissed my cheek before disappearing back into the castle where the group of girls just came from.

Taking a shaky breath, I pulled myself together and held my head up as I adjusted my bag and walked in the opposite direction towards the library.

* * *

><p>After yet another utterly useless Defense class, I walked with Mary and Marlene as they were on their way to Hagrid's and I was going down to the dungeons for extra Potions with a few of the more overachieving students in the class.<p>

"It's just rubbish," Marlene was saying, still fuming after the fourth argument she had with our professor that week. "I don't understand why he won't let us practice."

"Be grateful he's letting us learn about this type of magic in the first place, Mar," Mary reasoned. "Patronuses are way past NEWT level."

"Have you seen Lily, Potter, and Black produce theirs or are you off thinking about that bloody boyfriend of yours?"

"Oh, well, they don't count. They can do everything."

"Not everything," I corrected but was drowned out but Marlene.

"Regardless," She snapped. "I don't understand why we're not going over this stuff more! Practice makes perfect and all that!"

"It is a bit odd that we're going over some of this stuff," I shrugged. "I mean honestly, it _is _pretty advanced for a class of seventh years."

"And what's the use if we don't know if we can actually do any of it!"

"Maybe it was just the way he was taught," Mary said evenly.

Marlene narrowed her eyes. "You're sure filled with a lot of maybes, MacDonald."

"Oh, Marlene, don't be so sour all the time. It's not very attractive, is it?"

I laughed as Marlene visibly puffed up, looking like she was about to blow her top. I didn't disagree with neither her nor Mary, but I didn't see the use of worrying about it either. Ramsey was trash, but so was most of our Defense teachers since none of them lasted more than the year.

It was odd but useless, much like his teaching style. We were seventeen years old. We were still in school for the next ten months. Nothing could hurt us but ourselves.

* * *

><p>"Lovely Lily," Slughorn hummed as he passed by my table, practically bouncing on his toes as he peered into my cauldron. It was bubbling a pleasant pale orange, a step away from completion. "Is it starting to smell like anything to you yet?"<p>

"Not yet," I admitted, adding wormwood and grinning when it turned yellow. "But I did see the beginnings of a rainbow."

"Brilliant," He beamed before skipping over to the Slytherin table.

I smiled to myself, amused as always with his vivacious personality, and turned to Thomas who was struggling with his own potion. "Add a bit of peppermint, Cho. It'll help."

"Are you sure?" He frowned, wiping his brow with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Yeah, Sev—um, a friend told me last term," I mumbled, glancing over at the table where Slughorn was stationed at, occupied by only two students. "It counterbalances the side effects."

Thomas nodded, looking slightly impressed despite his flustered appearance, and picked a sprig from the bottle I had near my station.

"Cheers, Evans," He said happily as his potion turned from a bright magenta to the light pink he wanted. He fixed his fire down to a simmer and wiped his hands off on the front of his sweater vest, looking pleased with his potion. "So you and Doug, huh?"

"Hm?" I frowned, flipping through my textbook to find the notes I scribbled in about healing salves—our midterm exam assignment.

"Talk in the common room is that you and Douglas are a thing. Poor bloke's fancied you since he was sorted, romantic prat—"

"There's nothing going on between Douglas and I," I cut over him, narrowing my eyes at him before looking down at my notes, "at least, nothing that is your common room's business."

"Well, it was Penny that was running in her mouth to be fair. She's—"

I slammed my book shut, a bit rougher than necessary if I was being honest. "I don't give a damn about what Penny's mouth has been doing, Thomas," I snapped.

He held his hands up in a gesture of peace, eyes widening. "Didn't mean to offend, I swear. It's just a bit funny is all."

"And why is that?" I asked flatly.

"Well, I kind of assumed you and Potter would get it together one of these days and—"

"You know what they say about people who assume, right, Thomas?"

He frowned, scratching his chin and looking nervous. "Uh—"

I didn't let him finish, quickly bottling a bit of my potion, stoppering it, and cleaning out the rest before grabbing my things. I didn't hesitate to breeze out of the classroom, dropping off my sample on my way out on his desk.

It seemed like I was spending more time alone in the corridors than I was with my friends or in class. Mary spent more time in the Owlery writing to Reg or giggling with Dorcas about their ministry boyfriends, and Marlene was always in the library studying with Remus. I didn't realize how reliant I became with James' friendship over the summer and was starting to feel the effects of living without it now that I've spent enough time separated. I'd give just about anything to be back with my parents, nothing but the peacefulness around us and a good book.

I was nearing the common room when I noticed a petite blonde and a lanky brunette huddled near the tapestry of a witch hunt. Quickly, I ducked behind a suit of armor and held my breath as Penny smiled slyly up at James as she led him into a presumably empty classroom.

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

"Pen, wait," I mumbled against her lips as she started for my shirt, deftly popping open the first button. She ignored me, moving from my mouth down my jaw to my neck and for a moment I forgot what I was saying.

I shivered as her tiny tongue traced a line over my pulse, feeling it in my stomach, and nearly convulsed when her teeth grazed my earlobe. For such a tiny person, she could reach every part of me that elicit any type of reaction.

It was when I moved my hands from her hips to her hands, gently pulling them away from my shirt, that she ceased her assault on my neck and pouted.

"What is it?" She huffed, jerking her head so her bangs moved out of her eyes.

I reached out, tucking the pieces of hair behind her ear and cupped the side of her face. "I don't want to do this here, babe," I admitted. "A teacher could walk in and I'm Head Boy."

"Let's find a broom closet then."

"Penny," I chuckled, kissing her forehead. "Why don't we wait until Friday? When I'm doing my rounds? No one will bother us then."

She pouted again and I tugged her lower lip, wrinkling my nose at the faces she always pulled at me. Being with her was easy, uncomplicated, and I wanted to keep it that way for as long as I could. After kissing her one last, slow time, I laced our fingers together and walked to the door. I was so distracted by her whispering in my ear that I didn't notice someone watching from near the suit of armor, looking far more pleased than anyone should when they caught two people walking out of an empty classroom like we were.

"Heathrow," I said dryly, pulling Penny to stop at my side. "Everything alright?"

"Positively brilliant," He beamed in that annoyingly charming way of his. He eyed Penny, raising his eyebrows before turning back to me with his irritating grin. "You seem to be pretty brilliant yourself, aye, Potter?"

"Peachy."

"'lo, Penny," Douglas greeted, pushing himself off the wall and winking at my girlfriend.

She smiled sweetly. "You look wonderful today, Douglas."

"Well I've actually come across a bit of good news," He informed her seriously, though he couldn't seem to help himself from glancing over to me. "You see, I have a date."

"With who?" I demanded. Penny tilted her head, looking confused as she blinked at me, and I felt my face heat up. "Um, I mean, why is that so exciting? Don't you have a girl lined up every week."

"I've been waiting for this particular girl," He said cheerily. "Lily Evans actually. She's agreed to go out with me."

He could have sucker punched me in the gut and I wouldn't have been as surprised. I felt irrational, like something had woken up inside of me, and I wanted nothing more than tuck Penny away while I put Heathrow in his place.

But I couldn't do that. He was trying smug is all. I didn't like how he carried himself and I didn't think it was right for him to lead so many girls along like he did.

"I was just saying how cute of a couple you two were," Penny gushed, clapping her hands together. "Wouldn't they just be the cutest couple, James?"

I nodded stiffly. "Absolutely."

Heathrow's grin widened. "Well thanks, you two, I'll be sure to tell Lily the kind things you said. I should actually be meeting her for dinner now if you'll excuse me."

"Of course!" Penny squealed as he turned to walk away. "Bye, Doug!"

"Yeah. Bye, Doug," I muttered, allowing Penny to loop her arm through mine and pull me up towards her common room.

* * *

><p>She was sitting at a desk in the common room when I made my way up, a stack of books in front of her as she had her head bent over her parchment with her quill in her hand. She tapped the feather against her lip, eyebrows drawn together, and for a fleeting moment, I didn't feel angry anymore.<p>

But Douglas' words echoed in the back of my head and that pit in my stomach pulsed, that sour taste in my mouth again.

I kept my head down as I dodged a group of fifth years too focused on their studies to bother moving out of the way for me. Sirius and Peter were playing chest by the fire and I tried not to look over by the window as I made my way over.

"You look dreadful," Sirius commented as I slouched into a velvet arm chair that was angled away from the one spot I wanted to avoid.

I shrugged, picking at a thread that was loose at the bottom of my jumper. "Been busy."

"With Penny?"

"Possibly."

Sirius rolled his eyes, moving his rook a space before turning back to me. "You missed dinner again," He said indifferently. "And your hair is an absolutely mess."

"Maybe I'll pitch down to the kitchens and knick something. Haven't visited in a while," I said thoughtfully, imagining all the treats I'd be able to sneak out if I went down right now as I attempted to smooth down my messy hair courtesy of Penny.

"Bring me back a pie, would you."

"I quit," Peter said suddenly, knocking his king over. "I'll see you lot in the morning."

"Night," I mumbled as he walked by. Carefully, Sirius put away the pieces on by one before pulling himself up onto the couch, kicking his legs up over the side. "Where's Mooney?"

Sirius glanced around before leaning over towards me, keeping his voice low. "Infirmary. He said he's been feeling pretty low this month. How was practice?"

"Diggory pitched a fit and I ended up lending him the time slot," I rolled my eyes, remembering the way Diggory set up camp on the pitch and wouldn't leave until I agreed to give him time. Remus and I had both agreed we'd let him and Davies suffer until they cracked but I had no idea he'd become a silent protester over the summer. There was no fun in that.

"It's been quite tame around here, hasn't it?" Sirius said, sounding bored as he examined the ends of his hair.

I shrugged. "A bit."

"It's been a while since we did anything."

"Padfoot, we literally just pulled a prank on those twat Slytherins over the weekend."

"That was revenge, James," Sirius reminded me as if I was the daftest person in the world. "We need to have some fun."

"I had plenty of fun with—" Sirius narrowed his eyes, looking more like his mum than I was sure he'd like to admit. I shut my mouth, concealing my smirk, and gestured for him to continue.

"I say we—"

"Have you lot seen Remus?" Lily asked as she approached us, leaning over the back of the couch Sirius was lounging on.

"He's feeling poorly," Sirius explained, giving her The Look—the same look we've all mastered when we needed to convey the message that Remus was dealing with his Furry Little Problem. The raised eyebrows, wide eyes, tight lips. The look that said "you better fucking understand" and keep quiet.

Lily's face whitened. "Oh, I hope he's okay."

"Ha," I snorted, shaking my head.

Both Lily and Sirius blinked at me.

"I'm sorry, what?" She asked, putting her hand on her hip.

"Nothing."

"No, tell me. I'm dying to know."

I rolled my eyes, shifting in my seat and folding my arms over my chest. "Just leave it alone, Evans."

"What are you even on about?" She demanded.

"Nothing. I'm on about nothing. Go run off with your little boyfriend and leave me alone," I said coldly, ignoring Sirius as he gaped at me.

Her eyes widened momentarily before she snarled at me, looking especially intimidating, even for her. "Potter, you're absolutely mental."

"Oh, am I? That's rich."

"_Excuse_ _me_?"

"I just didn't peg you for a hypocrite is all."

"A hypocrite? For what?"

"Whatever, it's none of my business what you get up to in your free time."

"You're damn right it's not! What is all of this about? Where is this even coming from?"

"It's coming from nowhere," I snapped, pushing myself to my feet. "Night, Sirius," I muttered as I walked by him, pushing past Lily to get up the stairs. I felt that familiar burning sensation at the back of my neck indicating she was watching me, and I held my breath all the way up the stairs until I was safely behind the door to my dorm.

Titan was perched by the window with a thick envelope sitting by his feet.

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

My eyes fluttered open, a dream I was having disappearing before I could consider what it was. Weak rays of sun peaked out from behind the curtains, Emmeline's soft snoring mingling with the sound of Dorcas' kitten meowing under her bed. Yawning, I turned in my bed and reached for my watch—my dad's old watch—on my nightstand and checked the time, heart sinking when I realized it was only six in the morning.

I grabbed my robes off the hook and slipped out of bed to pull them on, putting my feet in my slippers before padding out of the room. Perhaps I'd go down to the kitchens and get a coffee or help Hagrid before—

"Potter?" I frowned as I hit the last step.

James looked up from where he sat on the couch Sirius occupied last night and his face fell. "Oh. Morning, Evans."

"When did you wake up?" I asked, pulling my robes tighter around my body.

He shrugged. "Didn't go to sleep."

"Is everything alright?" I asked hesitantly, contemplating if I could just slip away without being rude.

"Mum's sick," He said flatly.

"I know."

"No," He chuckled dryly. "Mum's sick, sick. Mum's been in Mungo's for weeks and Dad just now decided I had the right to know."

I felt my heart in my throat and didn't realize what I was doing until I was sitting on the couch wrapping my arms around James' neck. "I'm so sorry."

"S'not your fault," He mumbled against my hair.

"No, I mean I'm sorry for fighting with you," I said softly. "I don't even know why I was so mad."

James tensed. "Right. Me neither."

"See," I smiled. I could hear his heartbeat against my ear, the smell of lavender soap his mum used for the washing hanging off his shirt. "Are you going to visit her?"

"I leave tomorrow," He said, nodding. "Funnily enough, when I asked McGonagall if I could go, she said she'd been wondering when I'd ask to leave."

"She'd been writing you letters telling you she was visiting family," I reminded him, knowing where his thoughts were. "How were you supposed to know?"

"I'm her son, Lily. I ought to have known."

I didn't push it, knowing better than to argue with him over this. James was almost as self-deprecating as Remus when he wanted to be and if he thought believing his mother's own words made him a bad son then so be it.

We didn't say anything else and eventually, I looked up and realized he nodded off, cheek pressed against the top of my head. I smiled to myself as I shut my own eyes, too happy that things were back to normal with him to care that anyone could come downstairs and see us.

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

My head was pounding as I poured milk into my bowl of cereal, regretting the lack of sleep last night as Sirius and Remus argued across from me.

"Milk does not belong in tea, Mooney," Sirius said firmly, looking aghast as Remus poured half and half into his cuppa. "That's blasphemy."

"Lily's been teaching you vocab again I see," Mary said brightly as she plopped down in the seat next to me.

Remus passed her a plate of tarts before turning to Sirius. "I hardly see how the way I take my tea pertains to you, Sirius," He said over the rim of his cup.

"Not everyone takes their tea weak," Peter added between bites of his kippers.

"Oh right, says the lad who drinks those horrid cappipino drinks Evans loves."

"I'm sorry," Mary giggled, holding her hand over her mouth to hide the food she was chewing. "Did you mean 'cappuccino', Sirius?"

He waved his hand dismissively. "Same difference."

"But no, not really," Mary said under her breath as she cut into her pastry.

I smiled at her before taking a sip from my pumpkin juice. Sirius continued to berate an uninterested Remus, who was too busy drinking his tea and reading to listen, while Peter interjected every once in a while before he eventually excused himself to go visit Hagrid before classes. He seemed a little more cheery this morning instead of the subdued version of himself that he had been lately. Maybe everything was going to go back to—

"How dare you?" I looked up, a piece of treacle tart hanging out of my mouth as I took in a furious Penny standing over me.

"Um, what?" I mumbled, taking it out of my mouth and wiping my mouth with a napkin.

She narrowed her eyes at me, holding her chin up and looking at me like I wasn't even worthy to touch her dirty socks.

"You slept with Lily Evans," She announced, raising her voice to garner the attention of half the hall.

I choked on my juice, sure that some of it dribbled down my chin.

"No I didn't," I managed to get out as Mary dried off the juice from my face. "Who told you that?"

"That doesn't matter," She snapped, slamming her hand down on the table. Mary froze mid-wipe, gaping up at Penny, who snatched the napkin out of her hand and glared at her until she shrunk away. "How dare you just lie to me after—"

"What's going on here?" Lily interjected, narrowing her eyes at Penny as she adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder. "Do I need to dock points for causing a scene during breakfast?"

Penny scoffed. "Fuck off, Evans."

"I'm Head Girl," Lily snapped, slamming her books down on the table. "Who do you think you are?"

"I'm James' girlfriend, you worthless slag," Penny shot back. At this point, the whole entire Great hall was silent as all eyes were turned towards the two girls. "Something you can't seem to remember."

Lily's face turned red—not the "I'm embarrassed" red but the "I'm five seconds away from hexing you if you don't step back" red. And I was at the point where I didn't care to protect Penny anymore. "Don't put me in the middle of your relationship."  
>"I wouldn't if you weren't so bent on getting in the middle of my relationship!"<p>

"That's enough," I said sharply, pushing myself off the table to my feet. "Penny, I understand why you're upset but nothing—"

"Don't you dare tell me nothing happened," Penny warned, poking me in the chest to enunciate her every word.

I grabbed her finger, narrowing my eyes at her as I lowered her hand away from me. "You're causing a scene for absolutely no reason, Pen," I said coldly. "You'd do good to remember what I told you about messing with my friends."

Penny threw her head back, laughing darkly. "She isn't your _friend_, James. Just a few days ago you were complaining about her. You two are absolutely—"

"Is there a problem?" All three of us turned and came face to face with McGonagall's stern glare, eyeing each of us with silent disapproval conveyed with just a raised brow and a thin lip. Lily took a hesitant step back, and automatically I reached up to touch her lower back reassuringly. "I'm waiting?"

"It was just a disagreement, Professor," Remus said when none of us could.

Lily nodded, hanging onto Remus' words like a life preserver. "I'm so sorry, Professor. We were out of line."

"I expect more from the Head Girl and Boy, Miss Evans," McGonagall said dryly. She shook back her sleeves, lacing her fingers together in front of her as she turned to Penny. "Ten points from Ravenclaw, Miss Dearborn. And as for you two, probation for the next week. Mr. Lupin and Miss Clearwater will take over in the meantime."

Lily's mouth dropped open. "Professor, I—"

"One week, Miss Evans," McGonagall repeated. She nodded at Remus before walking past us towards the head table, waving her arms and ordering everyone to get back to their meals or get to class. Penny gave Lily and I one last dirty look before stomping out of the hall, her friends scrambling to hurry after her.

I ran a hand through my hair, shaking my head and turning to smile sheepishly at Lily. "That was—"

"I have to get to class," Lily said flatly before walking way from me. Marlene's words echoed in my head as I sat back down, ignoring the whispering and glanced thrown my way. Ignoring my mates as they tried to distract me from the fact that Penny hates me and Lily wants nothing to do with me.

_This is your fault, Potter_.

It was all my fault.

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

The air felt thin as I climbed the stairs to the Astronomy Tower, making it difficult to catch my breath. It wasn't that I had disappointed McGonagall—though that didn't exactly make me feel _good_—and it wasn't that I wouldn't be Head Girl for a week—though it would be difficult not being able to have control over my prefects. Being called a slag, getting accused of stealing someone's boyfriend, and knowing that they were right ruined me.

Carefully, I held onto the bar as I got down on my bum, slipping my legs through the grates to dangle off the edge. The cool air washed over me, the slight breeze felt good against my hot skin, and I rested my forehead against a bar and closed my eyes.

I heard the telltale tread of boots against the wood steps, a familiar voice cursing under their breath for having to "chase your arse all the way up here like a bat out of hell." I even managed to smile as he came to sit down next to me, muttering about the "bloody wind."

"Why'd you follow me, Sirius?" I sighed, opening my eyes and turning to him.

"Clearing my conscious," He muttered. "Now we're even."

"And it has nothing to do with making sure I'm okay, eh?"

"That might've crossed my mind."

"Good to know."

Sirius smiled, shaking his head and reaching out to drape his arm over my shoulders. "You're in your head again, aren't you, Lily flower?"

"Maybe," I shrugged. A moment passed before I decided to just go for it, putting my head on his shoulder.

"How long have you liked James?" He asked, twisting a piece of my hair around his index finger repeatedly.

I laughed, a full body laugh that made me feel lightheaded and free and wonderful. It was so…so funny that it was Sirius asking me this—not Mary or Marlene or Remus. Sirius.

"A little over a week ago," I admitted once I could manage it, breathless from the laughing, exhilarated from the freedom of the truth.

"I didn't ask when you finally decided to admit it to yourself," Sirius smirked. "The summer was it? Your party?"

"I think I was more focused on losing my house and the army of Death Eaters outside attacking my friends."

"Don't deflect, Evans." I rolled my eyes and he flicked my nose. "Really. When was it?"

"I dunno really. He kind of…snuck up on me," I said thoughtfully, remembering the way my stomach dipped when I looked up and saw him walking towards me. "One day I just realized—he'd been there all along."

Sirius tugged at his bottom lip, a faraway look in his eyes. "Everything's changing, ain't it?"

I nodded, reaching out to brush his hair out of his face. "Yeah. Everything's changing."

"James told me about his mum," He said quietly, picking at a hole in his sweater.

"Are you going with him?" I asked. I promised James that I'd be there for him when his dad came to get him, a promise that I realized now was selfish. If I couldn't be there—if Penny refused to be there—I only wished he had someone.

Sirius shook his head. "Remus did."

"You're like a son to her, Sirius," I reminded him gently, touching his hand. "Why didn't you go? And don't say because of me because even Merlin knows that's rubbish."

"I don't want to remember her like that," He said honestly, voice small. "She's—that woman saved me. She was the mother mine never could be."

"Sirius, take it from me," I started, turning in my spot to look at him better. I offered my hands and he didn't hesitate to clasp his together with mine, the pair of us face to face. "There is nothing worse than not saying goodbye. Those are the moments we'll never get back."

"Did I also mention how badly James will hurt me if I even show a shred of emotion?" Sirius said wryly.

"I'll tell you what," I smiled, adjusting my bum on the wood floor, "I've been meaning to go to Mungo's to visit a friend. Why don't we get permission from Dumbledore and go together?"

Sirius blinked at me before tackling me to the ground, sending me into a fit of giggles. He kissed my face repeatedly, my cheeks, my nose, my chin, my forehead, peppering me with thank you's and I love you's and erasing the tension in my chest with every slobbery kiss.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

I've had a bit of an emotional week. Whereas I'm caught up in all my school work, I've recently had a tough loss in my life that has hindered my ability to focus. I'm sorry if this has lost the plot a bit, and Im already aware that my first few chapters are off because of the rhythm and plot; even though I want to try, I can't make any promises over whether or not this will be completed. I know that I have a place I want this to end, I have that chapter written in fact, but I just don't know how to get there. I'm sincerly sorry to all of you who have stuck around and supported this story because I _do_ appreciate you and even if I'm not always consistent or happy with the work I'm putting out, I'm trying because you all motivate me to.

With that being said, I'm still uncertain about regular updates. Everything is a little hectic and I'm trying so hard. Please understand where I'm coming from.

And if any of you have any issues or problems-with the fic or in your own lives-please know that my tumblr (bebravelily) and my inbox on here are both always, always, always open. You're never alone and I want you to remember that.

I love you all. Truly.

Until next time.

-S


	15. Chapter 15--James and Lily

After Remus slipped out to get tea from the fifth floor, I pulled my chair closer to Mum's bed and held onto her hand. She looked like she always had—big eyes, black hair, bright smile—except there was a pale flush over her cheeks that weren't there before.

She nodded off somewhere between Remus reading the front page and the sports section of _The Profit _but I didn't mind sitting with her. It had been too long since we were last together, and I didn't even care that Dad hadn't showed up since he dropped me off. Mum tried to play it off but I knew he hadn't visited like he ought to have seeing as his wife was dying.

My thoughts were on oak trees and record players when the door opened, and I looked up thinking I'd see Remus, only to be surprised by Sirius.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, not altogether displeased by his presence. I felt like a clouds been over my head since Sirius said he couldn't come anymore and it was suddenly sunny days and clear skies again.

He shut the door behind him, quietly crossing the room and taking off his leather jacket before placing it over the back of another chair.

"My mum's sick," He said under his breath, pulling his chair next to mine. "Thought it was only right her favorite son came to visit."

"I've missed you," Mum croaked and I looked over to see her smiling, eyes still shut. "It's good to hear your voice."

Sirius leaned forward, squeezing the hand I was just holding. "Feelings mutual, love. You have no idea."

"I'm glad you two boys are together again," Mum added. "My two sons."

"Always," I promised, looking at Sirius.

He nodded, winking at me. "Always."

And for the first time since I left the grounds with my dad, I felt hopeful.

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

The lady at the front desk told me I'd find her here and was pleased to find she was right as I turned down the corridor. In her uniform robes, midnight black hair pulled into a tight bun, she looked professional and important while she organized paperwork at the nurses station. When she looked up and saw me approaching her, her lovely face broke into a wide smile and I didn't need to wonder what made Chirag fall so hard. She was breathtaking—all smooth, brown skin and big, doe eyes.

"Lily!" She squealed, throwing her arms around me once I was close enough. She pulled away, holding me at arms length, and beamed at me. "You look stunning! It's been so long!"

"Hi, Bee," I laughed, tucking my hair behind my ears. "Letters don't do you justice."

"That's what my brothers say," She giggled, pulling me around so I'd come around the side of the desk. She handed me a picture frame, two boys in matching robes beaming up at me, arms around a tiny girl of about ten or eleven. "That's me when I first went to Hogwarts. They're twins, completely inseparable. Both work at _The Profit, _both a pain in my arse."

"Has Chirag met them yet?"

Bee's face shifted to the same dreamy expression Mary wore whenever she thought of her current love affair at the mention of Chirag. "Oh yes, they came over for his birthday. He adores them but I'm not sure if that's more or less because they actually challenge him in chess."

"Oh he used to demolish Benjy and Sturgis," I smirked, remembering the many Sunday mornings spent over breakfast playing chess. "How is he?"

"Some days are better than others," She admitted, waving her wand and catching another stack of papers in time. "Horrible nightmares though—thrashing around, screaming. I've tried giving him a potion to help but he refuses."

I felt sick thinking about Chirag—Chirag who had lost so much in only a few months—in anymore pain than he needed to be in. I couldn't even imagine how Bee felt; helpless because her boyfriend needed her and hopeless because he refused any help she was able to give.

"Over the holidays we must get together," I declared, holding onto her hands. "I've missed you both so much."

"It'll do him some good to see his friends," Bee smiled. "He needs it I think. Benjy writes of course but it's not the same, you know? I think he feels…well, out of the loop really. I know they try to not make him feel left out but there's only so much times you can discuss the same old things. It's a bit of a mess."

I squeezed her hands reassuringly. "Don't worry, we'll—Remus! Remus, hi!"

"Who's Remus?" Bee frowned as she looked over her shoulder to see me attack Remus and hug him to me.

"He's one of Chirag's friends," I said proudly, beaming up at him. His face was paler than usual, so pale that his scars were more prominent on his face and so were the dark circles under his eyes. "Remus, this is Bee Verma."

"Remus Lupin," Remus said softly, extending his hand out to her.

She accepted it, shaking it once before letting go and taking a step back. "Good to meet you."

"Um, Chirag used to share the same dorm room," I frowned, looking from her to Remus. She looked almost frightened of him, eyes widening as she took in his shabby robes and scars.

"I actually should be getting back," Remus murmured, lifting up the cups of tea he was holding. "Friend's mum is sick."

"Right. Of course," Bee nodded, smiling tightly. She touched my arm before inching away, eyeing Remus wearily. "It was good seeing you, Lily, and you too, um, Remus. I should go check on a patient though so…"

"I'll write you about the holidays," I called after her, waving goodbye as she disappeared down the corridor. I waited until she was out of sight before turning on Remus, eyebrows pulled together. "What was that about?"

"I've actually met Bee before," He informed me quietly, face darkening. "It was back in sixth. During the holidays. The hospital helps treat lycanthropy and Mum took me here to help my transformations—it's called wolfsbane. It's experimental right now but—"

"Wolfsbane?" I repeated, tasting the word. It sounded familiar, like I had read it or— "That's a potion."

"It relieves—"

"Symptoms of your transformation," I finished.

Remus looked impressed. "You've heard of it?"

"Remember when I used to spend a morning over the weekend with Slughorn? For extra potions?"

"With Severus, yeah."

I nodded. "It was one of the potions he taught us."

"That's complicated work, Lily. If you messed that up—"

"I'd kill you."

"Which is why I'm not particularly keen on—"

"There's some in Slughorn's office," I informed him, cutting over whatever idiotic thing he was about to say. "He didn't have the heart to get rid of it because of all the work he put into it, and I know he has it in his store."

"You can get me wolfsbane on campus," Remus surmised, running a hand along his jaw. "You can help me."

I nodded again. "I can help you."

And despite the scars and the scruff, Remus looked hopeful.

* * *

><p>I promised Sirius that I'd wait for him in the tea room while he visited and brought my homework with me to pass the time. Visitors of varying levels of distress walked in and out during the time I waited for him, and I tried not to stare when an older woman cried or when a child asked repeatedly why he can't see his mum.<p>

I pulled my coat tighter around my body, the air colder at the table I occupied by the windows. Carefully, I added two sugars into my tea and stirred it twice before wiping the spoon on the napkin next to my cup. I held the cup in my hands for a moment, letting it warm my numb hands, and feeling out of place amongst the visitors.

I remember visiting my mum in the hospital before she passed; it wasn't enough, it didn't make losing her any better. In fact, it made it all that more worse to see her broken like that.

I couldn't say that to Sirius though; he'd regret it if he didn't see her while he could. He'd spend the rest of his life guilty and regretful—a life I didn't want him to ever lead.

"This seat taken?" I looked up from the words of M. Carneiro and locked eyes with James, who looked surprisingly fine for someone who just spent the better half of the day with his dying mum. A month ago, I wouldn't have admitted that I noticed how gold his eyes were in the sunlight or how his hair curled around his ears. I definitely wouldn't have admitted how his face softened when he looked at me or that look in his eyes, the look that I pretended that I didn't understand, was nothing but adoration—a look he never had when he looked at Penny.

I felt torn—torn between wanting to speak to him, to know how he was feeling, and the loyalty I felt to Penny for simply being a fellow woman. It wasn't right what I was doing—what I was doing without even realizing—and I couldn't pretend like I was being his friend when I only wanted an excuse to be near him.

I cleared my throat, shutting my textbook and sitting up. "I'm not sure that's—"

"Look," James started to say, sitting down across from me anyway, "I understand why you're pushing me away and I want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened in the Great Hall."

"Okay?" I said slowly. I wasn't completely sure James knew what he was talking about and wasn't going to be that person who gives themselves away because of miscommunication.

James ran a hand through his disheveled hair, looking uncomfortable, as if he expected a better response. "I know that you and Douglas are seeing each other and I don't want you to worry about—"

"Wait," I said, voice strained, as I held up a hand to stop him. "Me and—me and Douglas?"

"I won't get in the way of that, I promise," He said, nodding. "I'll deal with Penny."

"I don't need you to deal with Penny," I started to say but stopped when James' nodding became more rapid.

"I know you don't need me," He continued over me, "and I'm okay with that, Evans. I won't try to be your knight in shining armor or you're hero. I'll never be that for you. But I can for Penny. I talked to my mum and she said—well, she said she'd be disappointed in me if I didn't make this right somehow."

It was like a knife in my gut—a sharp pain that I felt all the way up my spine and straight in my heart. My vision became blurry, everything melting into a mess of color as I tried to catch my breath. I couldn't do more than just nod, nod until James smiled at me as he got up and walked away.

If he needed to make his mum proud, I'd let him. If he needed to make things right with Penny, I wouldn't stand in his way. If it felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces, it'd be okay.

Because I had hope. Even if that's all that I had, it was something.

* * *

><p>Sirius planned to stay at the Leaky Cauldron that night with James so he could stay longer, leaving Remus and I to travel back to campus without them. I was under the impression that neither James nor Sirius planned on coming back to school for very long periods of time until things weren't so up in the air for Mrs. Potter, and I was thankful for the time to process.<p>

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked as we climbed the stairs to the common room. It was nearly curfew now and castle was silent save the sounds of the soft snores emanating from the portraits as they snoozed peacefully. Filch was on the ball, having lit most of the candles himself already, casting a pleasant glow throughout the corridors. I wasn't scared of running into anyone I didn't want to see or being stared at by curious students and their friends as they whispered about my life at this hour.

I shrugged, the events of the day catching up with me, and exhaustion hitting. "Dunno. A little all over the place to be honest."

"We need a bit of fun, you and me," Remus smiled, throwing his arm over my shoulders.

"Is that right now?" I snorted.

"Oi, I know how to have fun," He said defensively.

"Touchy. I never said you didn't."

"Anyway," Remus said dryly, "I say we break into the Quidditch shed, grab a couple brooms, and ride around for a bit. Just you and me. Clear our minds and get some fresh air."

"Because we weren't just outside."

"Really, someone needs to inform Marlene that you're vying for the crown because—"

I threw my head back and laughed, wrapping my arms around Remus and putting my head on his shoulder as we approached the Fat Lady. There would be a lot that I'd miss at Hogwarts but nothing as much as I'd miss Remus, have we go our separate ways once we leave here. I knew that he wanted to travel, to go around the world and teach people that lycanthropy wasn't the end of the line for people. And while I wanted nothing more than for him to achieve everything he dreamed, I'd miss him more than I'd ever admit.

Whether it was my muggle upbringing or the fact that I knew Remus' character better than I knew myself, I didn't find it difficult to believe him when he said he didn't let his infliction control him. I didn't flinch when he told me—didn't make him feel worse than he clearly already did. In fact, I was honored that I was the first person he electively told.

We said goodnight before going up our designated staircases and it didn't take a genius to know that Mary and Marlene would be waiting up for me once I was inside my dorm.

"Where's Em?" I asked softly as I kicked off my shoes and walked over to my bunk.

Mary shut her textbook, leaning over and turning on her lamp the muggle way, making me smile. "I'm under the impression that Mitchell has been putting the moves on her; I'm assuming that's where she is now."

"Slag," I heard Marlene mumble bitterly from under her covers. Taking off my tie, I threw it in her direction and smirked, satisfied, when I heard her faint curse.

"Sirius went to bed then?" Mary asked, ignoring Marlene.

I shrugged. "I'm sure him and James are cuddling right now."

"I thought James would stay with his mum," Marlene asked, sitting straight up now.

"Oi, if you three birds don't—"

"Shut up, Dork," Marlene snapped, tossing a pillow at Dorcas' head. "Why in the name of Merlin's deceased great aunt did Potter come back?"

"He didn't," I mumbled before sliding my night gown over my head. "Remus did. Sirius stayed with James at the Leaky Cauldron."

"Reunited and it feels so good," Marlene started to sing as she dove back into her blankets. An irritated Dorcas snatched her wand off her nightstand and with a flourish, closed Marlene's curtains. "Hey!"

"For the love of all that is holy, stop fighting! You sound like bloody James and Lily—oh no, wait, I'm so sorry, Lily!" Mary gasped, clasping her hands over her mouth as her eyes widened.

I smiled weakly, pulling on my robes and grabbing a book I managed to save over the summer. "It's fine. I'm just going to go read for a—"

"Lily, please don't be upset with me! I didn't—"

"I know," I said, a little sharper than warranted. I smiled at her again in an attempt to be reassuring before turning away and heading back out the door. Right before I closed it, I could hear a pillow hit something hard, Marlene and Dorcas both whispering harshly.

When I went up to bed, the common room had been empty, but as I stepped off the stairs I realized it had a sole occupant. A familiar head of dark hair sat on the couch, a mug of what smelt like hot cocoa in his hands.

"Couldn't sleep?" I asked as I came to sit next to Douglas, who was tugging on the chain he always worn and stared at the fire. I folded my legs under my bum, brushing a stray piece of hair out of my eyes as I smiled up at him.

"Went down to the kitchens for this _before_ curfew, I swear, Miss Head Girl," He explained, winking to show he was being factitious. Casually, he placed a hand on my leg and gave it a squeeze; after the day I just had—well, two days really—I didn't even mind.

James words played in my head as I listened to Douglas talk about his day, laughed at the right times, and told him about my childhood. My thoughts were on James and not the way Douglas' lips felt against mine as he smiled and kissed me or how his hands were gentle against my face as he whispered goodnight. I drifted off to sleep thinking about how Douglas didn't look at me in the way that made me feel on fire, the slow burn that made my toes curl.

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

After Mum nodded off for the second time that morning, Sirius decided to go get her more magazines while I stayed back to watch over her. He seemed adamant about one of us being here for her at all times, and I was finishing my Ancient Runes homework when I realized how completely backwards that was.

Ripping off a piece of parchment, I scribbled Sirius a quick note and left it on the table next to Mum's bed before grabbing my coat and racing out of the room.

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

After spending breakfast listening to Marlene and Douglas go back and forth over house elf rights—Marlene confusing Doug with words like "protest" and "sit-ins"—and after a rather dull Potions lesson, the seventh year students gathered in front of their Defense Against the Arts classroom, waiting for Ramsey to let us in.

I sidled up to Amelia as her and Thomas poured over their notes, no doubt worried about our practice exam today.

"Alright, guys?" I asked brightly, adjusting my books.

Thomas looked up, panic in his eyes. "Do you know how to do a Imperturbable charm?"

"I might," I shrugged.

"What about a Protean charm?"

"Kids play."

"Lily, are you not worried at all?" Amelia gasped.

I shook my head. "Why should—"

"Oh, look, Potter and Black are back," Amos mumbled. "We're all going to look like proper idiots now."

I felt my face heat up as I looked to where the others were staring, where James and Sirius were huddled with Peter and Remus on the other side of the corridor. Sirius smirked at something Peter was saying, eyes wandering around the small space before they fell on me.

He excused himself from the group, running both of his hands through his hair as he made his way over to me. A small smile played at his lips as he swaggered over to me, looking every bit like the Sirius Black I met first year.

"Hi, Evans," He greeted before kissing my cheek.

"Sirius," I said evenly. It wasn't that I wasn't glad to see him; I had been sick worrying about Sirius since Remus and I touched back down on campus. It was the fact that now James, Remus, and Peter were ambling over to us that made me want to dry heave.

Sirius ignored them, choosing to focus on Thomas and Amos behind me. "Are you lot worrying about this? You are, aren't you? It's a bloody practice exam."

"Ramsey will still be paying attention to our strengths!" Amelia insisted shrilly. "It won't do any of us good to look like rubbish in front of him mere months before our exam!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I take it you're confident though, right, Diggory?"

"Of course," Amos said haughtily, puffing out his chest, grinning at the fact that Sirius Black just singled him out amongst a group of Ravenclaws.

"Then I'm sure you know how to do a basic _anapneo _charm? _Avis_? _Bubble-Head?" _

Amos' face turned red and he rather resembled a fish, mouth opening and closing and no words coming out, his fat head visibly deflating. "Er—"

Sirius smirked, satisfied, just as the doors to the classroom opened and we filed inside.

"Miss me?" He asked as he sat in the seat next to me, a irritated Mary glaring at the back of his head as she went to sit next to Peter instead.

I kissed his cheek before pulling out my books and setting my wand down. "Yes. How's Mrs. Potter?"

"Radiant," Sirius said as he did the same. "James went down to the Ministry and pulled Mr. Potter out of his office. Forced him to come sit next to his bloody wife."

"And that's why you're here now."

"Personally, I wanted to go see one of those muggle films that you lot are so fond of but James, the idiot, wanted to come take this useless practice exam before we came back to the hospital for supper. Dumbledore's Head Twat through and through it seems—"

"Watch it, Black, or that'll be a detention," James said easily, slapping the back of Sirius' head as he walked by. "Alright, Evans?"

"Good, thanks," I said tersely, quickly looking away.

Sirius' eyes widened at my harshness but he didn't say anything until James took his seat. "What was that about?" He asked under his breath, raising his thick brows.

"Nothing."

"That didn't—"

"Drop it, Sirius," I snapped, turning red.

Sirius' mouth dropped open, angling his body towards me and blocking his face from James as he stared me down. "Lily Evans, what aren't you—"

"Sirius, I am not afraid to let an _accident _happen during this exam if you don't mind. Your. Own. Business."

I knew he was still staring at me as I turned to face the class, keeping my eyes on Professor Ramsey's door. The very last thing I wanted was for a Sirius Black sized interference right now, and seeing as he spent the majority of his time with James again, I had every reason to feel that way.

My thoughts were on ways to castrate Sirius when Professor Ramsey stepped out, shoulders hunched as he cradled a mug of something hot. His eyes widened as he took in the rows of students looking back at him, as if he forgot he had a class to teach. My eyes darted to Marlene in time to see her jaw clench, to see Remus touch her arm lightly as a gesture that I knew to be calming.

"Afternoon," Ramsey mumbled as he came to stand next to his desk, "um, so today we're—"

"We have a practice exam today," Amelia said not unkindly, raising her hand slightly. "Remember, Professor?"

"Ah. Ah, Yes, Miss Bones, thank you," He said flatly, waving his wand so all of our desks shifted towards the windows. We all jumped back, a couple students knocking over their chairs, which were the next to go.

James helped Benjy up, glaring openly at Ramsey. "I think there might've been a better way to do that, Professor."

"Like with a bit of warning," added Marlene.

Ramsey waved his hand, dismissing their comments, and took a sip from his cup before regarding the class again.

"Evans," He said, pointing to me. "Come here." I frowned but did as he said, coming to stand in front of him. He gestured for me to angle myself towards both him and the class before pushing himself off the desk and walking down the row of students. "Lily, what do you see in front of yourself."

"Um," I said, focusing on what he wanted. "I see a wardrobe—"

"Yes, a wardrobe," He cut over me. "Mr. Diggory, if you wouldn't mind opening that wardrobe for me when I tell you to."

"Yes, Professor," Amos said obediently, much to Sirius' amusement as he grinned at Amos, who practically tripped over his own feet going to stand by the cabinet.

Ramsey came to a stop by the windows and the furniture, waving his wand so his mug would come to him. "Miss Evans, I'd like for you to imagine your worst fear and—"

"A boggart?" Remus interrupted. "But Professor, what does that have to do with practicing magic that'll be on the exam?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Lupin," Ramsey snapped. "I seem to have forgotten when you became a teacher? Would anyone else like to question my teaching methods?"

"Professor, I—"

"Fear is important, Mr. Lupin. Fear is what drives us. It is imperative that we learn what that fear is, face it, and conquer it."

"Professor," I said, voice shaky, not liking how any of this was starting to sound. I had no idea what would come out of that wardrobe and didn't think standing in front of a classroom full of my peers was the time to do it. "Professor, I don't think that—"

"When the wardrobe is opened, Miss Evans," Professor Ramsey said cuttingly. It seemed that Professor Ramsey was finally going to get his revenge for all the acting out in class. "I'd like you to focus on something happy, something cheerful or funny, and I want you to say the single word: _riddikulus._"

"Um—"

"Now, Mr. Diggory."

I didn't have another moment to think, too stunned by what emerged from the depths of the darkness.

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

It was in slow motion.

One moment, Lily was standing, wand out as she prepared herself for whatever would come out. The next, she was on the floor, sobbing hysterically as a tall blonde girl screeched at her.

_You killed them, you freak._

_It was your fault._

_They never loved you._

_You're nothing._

I didn't think, didn't consider the ramifications of my actions, as I pushed my way through my stunned classmates and put myself in front of Lily and the girl from the pictures. I didn't flinch as the girl turned into my mum, expecting it before it happened, and with a strong voice, said "_riddikulus" _before she could crumble to the ground, holding a tray of pastries instead.

"Come on, Lily," I said gently as I helped her off the ground, accepting her things from Mary before walking her out of the classroom. "Lily, it's okay. I'm here, Lily. Breathe."

"I—" She started to say but stopped as another sob choked her. My chest felt tight, jaw set, as I held onto her. I suddenly felt hopeless, set on hiding her away but unsure as to how to accomplish that. Nothing could be hidden in this castle.

I opened the first door I saw, coaxing her in, and shutting it tight behind us. There was a single couch in the middle of the room, velvet curtains covering the windows so only a bit of light could filter in, filling the room with a warm glow rather than stark brightness. It could've been dusk for all we knew; someone could easily lose track of time in a room like this.

I pulled a fur blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around Lily, holding her close to my chest and rubbing her back. Douglas and Penny's faces floated in my head, but I ignored them, knowing that Lily's need was greater than anything else.

"I'm so sorry," She was saying between moans, "I'm so sorry."

"Lily, it wasn't your fault," I reminded her softly.

"I'm so sorry," She nearly screamed now, clutching onto me.

I didn't know what to do or what to say to make this stop, to make her better. I wanted so many different things—to go back and knock out Ramsey for doing this, to yell at her sister for hurting her, to stop time and hide her away from the world so no one could hurt her again.

But I wasn't her hero. She didn't need me to be and I needed to keep reminding myself of that.

After Lily finally calmed down, I moved her to the end of the couch and laid her legs on top of mine. It worried me that she just stared off, not really looking at anything, but I didn't want to set her off again. This wasn't something I was good at; honestly, and ironically, it was Lily who dealt with things like this. But who helped Lily when she was the one in pain?

"You can go, you know," She said suddenly, voice hoarse from crying. "I don't expect you to stay."

"I know you don't." She made a move to sit up but I put my hand on her back, gently pushing her back down. "Please, Evans. For my sanity, just take a break."

"I don't need to take a break. You're missing class and it's not your problem—"  
>"I know it's not my problem," I snapped. "I know it's not my problem but you're my friend and you're hurt and I'm not going to go anywhere. You don't have to handle everything on your own. You don't have to compartmentalize the fact that your sister mentally abused you and your parents died. You don't have to do any of that. I've failed you as a friend if you feel like you have to do that."<p>

She narrowed her eyes at me before putting her head back on the pillow, muttering something about me being a twat. I smiled, not because of what she said or because she didn't argue with me, but because it was such a Lily thing to do. She even kept down the urge to yell at me, to put me in my place.

There were things in the world that I understood perfectly—my mates and Quidditch and school. There were things that I'd never try to understand—Death Eaters and my father and Lily bloody Evans. That girl was an enigma, a mental patient on her best days. Full of emotion and fire and something…something special that set her apart from the rest of us in the very best way possible.

Yeah. I may not understand Lily Evans but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't spend the rest of my life trying to. I just hoped she'd let me.

* * *

><p><em>Lily <em>

Despite my better judgment, I let Remus pull me out of my corner in the library and lead me out to the Quidditch equipment shed. I spent most of the day studying, feeling the effects of letting my emotional chaos overtake my studies, and was barely coherent by the time he came to get me out of my fortress of textbooks.

I had a pounding headache, a pocket full of throat lozenges, and a permanent scowl on my face but none of that seemed to deter Remus as he unlocked the shed and came back out with two brooms.

"James lent me the key," He grinned, showing me the enchanted copper key before shoving it into his robes pocket. "Now I'm a bit of trash with flying but don't worry. No one's as bad as Peter."

"Brilliant," I muttered, taking the broom from him.

Remus' face fell and he shook his head, sighing, before he mounted the broom. "Really, Lily. It's just me."

"I'm here, aren't I?" I said, following his lead. I pushed off the ground, hovering over the grass for a moment before pulling it forward and gaining height. Remus was silent as he did the same, and less than a minute later, we were flying over the grounds.

The air was cold but felt good against my hot skin. We rode over the forest and I let my hand hang and skim the top of the trees as we flew. It was nearly two in the morning, the world asleep except for the two of us. I felt peaceful, at ease, and eventually let myself smile as I led the way.

"You're a very good flyer," Remus said shakily as he positioned himself next to me.

I smirked. "Maybe James Potter isn't the only one with a natural ability."

"I'd hope not," Remus laughed.

"We'd all be doomed with that fat head of his."

"Yeah," Remus said, sobering up. "Yeah. Hard week, huh?"

"Hasn't been fun. Sirius and James went back to the hospital then?"

He nodded. "A couple hours ago. Peter's visiting tomorrow."

"Dumbledore's been very understanding," I said.

"He's actually—" Remus paused, coughing into his fist and nearly falling off in the process. "Um, well, have you talked to him recently?"

"To Dumbledore?" I asked, prompting Remus to nod. "No, not recently. Why?"

"When Sirius and James were out, he called me into his office," Remus explained, looking forward. "He, um, wanted to know my plans for after Hogwarts."

"And?"

"And he thinks I should stay in London."

"No," I said, laughing slightly. "Absolutely not."

"Lily—"

"No, Remus," I said, fiercer now. There was no way that Remus was going to put his dreams on hold because someone told him not. One person, headmaster or not, was not going to derail everything Remus wanted. I wouldn't allow it.

"He thinks I have more of a job to do here," Remus defended, "and if there's anyone I trust, it's Dumbledore."

I didn't say anything, instead choosing to stare moodily at the moon as we made our way back to the campus. It wasn't until we were sitting at the edge of the lake, dipping our toes in the water's edge, that I decided to speak my mind.

"I think you're being stupid," I finally said, pulling my hair back into a ponytail and cinching it with the scrunchie I kept on my wrist. "As much as I want you around, Remus, I think that this is a completely stupid idea."

Remus surprised me by laughing, putting his head on my shoulder.

"That's what James said," He explained, sensing my confusion at his reaction.

"Of course," I deadpanned, ripping out a few blades of grass and throwing it into the water.

"You know, Penny didn't forgive him," He continued. "It was quite a laugh actually. Sirius couldn't breathe, he was laughing so hard."

"There was nothing to forgive in the first place," I said flatly, though something in my chest stirred and I didn't altogether feel awful about the news.

"Isn't there, Lily?" Remus said gently, nudging his shoulder against mine.

I rolled my eyes. "Can we talk about something else? How are things with you?"

Remus shrugged, smiling to himself. "Fine I guess."

"Marlene said you've made progress with your patronus."

"I just can't get it right," Remus sighed, scratching the side of his nose. "I've thought about my mum's pies, about passing my OWLs—"

"You can't be seriously," I laughed, turning to face him. "Remus, you have to think of happy thoughts!"

"Those _are_ happy thoughts!"

I shook my head, both amused and frustrated by him. Pies and exams were fleeting, meaningless in the grand scheme of things. It was superficial to think that those kinds of thoughts were enough to fight the darkness.

"Do you want to know what I think of?" I asked after a moment.

"Of course."

"I think of my mum's smile," I said, my thoughts going to that far away place where nothing can hurt me. Where my mum and dad were, proud of me and watching me and knowing that I regret nothing more than not being the daughter that they deserved. "I think of my dad's laugh and the way he slept in my tiny twin sized bed with me the whole year I was eight because I was scared of the dark. I think of playing on the swings with my sister. Meeting Marlene and Mary. Staying up with Alice and talking about the future together in fifth."

"When Peter, Sirius, and James told me what they've done for me," Remus added sheepishly. "When I told you what I was."

"Exactly!" I said encouragingly. "Things that fill you with nothing but happiness, even in the corners of your heart that you didn't realize it could reach."

"Can we try?" Remus asked excitedly, getting to his feet. "Can we practice?"

"Sure," I laughed, accepting his hand as he helped pull me up. I brushed off my bum, taking a step back as he pulled out his wand. "Happy thoughts, Remus. A single, happy thought."

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, and shaking out his hands as he tried to focus himself. I noticed his hair was getting longer, nearly touching his shoulders now, and told myself to remind him to cut his hair over the holidays. I was deciding which cut would be best when he opened his eyes again, pointing his wand in the air and bellowing, "_Expecto patronum!"_

A wolf, twice my size, erupted out of the tip in a mass of silver. Remus stumbled back, shocked by the patronus that now circled my head. I smiled up at it before looking at Remus, feeling a surge of pride for him. He started to laugh, a full, hysterical laugh that had us both doubled over and gripping onto one another, the wolf disappearing into the sky above us as we fell onto our backs, feeling nothing but joy and encouragement and hope.

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

I looked up when the door opened, shutting my book and sitting up. Remus had a smile on his face as he slipped in, quietly closing the door behind him; his smile faltered when he realized I was staring at him.

"You're up," He said, more of a statement than a question.

"You're late," I said. "Where were you?"

"Out with Lily," He shrugged, placing his cloak on the hook and starting on the bottoms of his shirt.

"Oh."

"Why are you even here?"

"Aunt Darla came to visit and Sirius and I felt a bit awkward staying. Did Evans say anything about me?"

"I thought you'd stay at the Leaky Cauldron."

"No rooms tonight. So she didn't say anything at all?"

Remus stopped undressing, glaring at me. "No, James. Lily did not mention your name tonight. How's Penny?"

I got the hint, looking away as he finished getting ready for bed. When I was sure Lily was fit enough to go back to her dorm, I left with Sirius and hadn't heard from her since. I knew better than to seek her out during the school day, sure that one of Penny's friends would find out. She was already mad as it was about what happened in class and I felt awful for using the Sick Mum Card to get her to calm down.

Remus mumbled a 'goodnight' before getting into bed, shutting his curtains behind him. The light from my candle wavered as a gust of wind blew through the window, and it was when I got out of bed to close the window when I heard voices downstairs. One familiar voice stood out to me, giving me hope.

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

"Thanks," I said softly as I accepted a chocolate frog from Douglas.

He smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners. "No problem," He said. "So you went out with Lupin then?"

"It was needed. We hadn't spent time alone together in a while."

Douglas nodded, biting into his own chocolate frog. "He's a good guy Lupin. A lot different than his mates though."

"I think they're perfect for each other," I sniffed, crossing my arms over my stomach and wiggling my body to get comfortable.

He laughed, holding his hands up. "Don't get defensive, Lily, I'm only joking."

"Right," I said, smiling tightly. It didn't seem like a joke to me but it wasn't worth an argument. Being with Douglas was simple, easy. I didn't want to make it complicated and add yet another opportunity for drama in my life. And I especially didn't want my worlds to collide by spending our time talking about James and company.

"Alright, I know what's bothering you," He sighed dramatically, shifting us so we were facing one another, his arm thrown over the back of the couch casually. "We can talk about it, you know."

"Talk about what?" I hedged, stalling. I didn't know what he was talking about and wasn't about to give myself up if I didn't have to—

"What happened the other day in the Great Hall."

Damn.

"There's nothing to talk about," I said tersely. I would never escape James Potter. "It was a misunderstanding."

"What Penny said—" Douglas started to say, biting his lip. I couldn't help myself, eyes darting to his lips briefly; it was very hard being so close to one of the fittest boys in his year, but it probably wasn't opportune to start snogging him when he clearly had a lot on his mind. "Well, you didn't deserve that."

I glanced back up at him, frowning slightly. "Oh?"

"I know you don't like James like that," Douglas assured me, squeezing my shoulder. "It's okay. I understand 100% about your relationship with him. You went through a lot over the summer and it's only natural that you felt like you needed people to be there for you."

"That's not—"

"But I'm here now, Lily," He continued. He reached out and cupped my cheek in his hand, smiling down at me as he scooted closer. "And I promise I'll always be here for you."

"I—"

"It's past curfew." My head snapped up, looking over my shoulder, eyes locking with James'. His face was expressionless, looking every bit like the Head Boy that Dumbledore must have had in his head when he chose him.

"James," I started to say but Douglas stood up, surprising me.

"Sorry, mate, I was just telling Lily goodnight," He said easily before helping me to my feet. I frowned up at him, confused and startled and nauseous, and didn't have time to react before he pressed his lips against mine.

When I was able to look up again, James had left and took all hope of fixing whatever was broken with him.

* * *

><p>AN: Lots and lots of drama. Next chapter will be, probably, the most important so far so be on the look out for that! Lots of time jumps as well in that one.

So what do we think? Bit of a theme we had going on this chapter, I wonder if anyone picked up on it?

How do we like Douglas now? Is he still sweet or is he motivated by something else?

What about James and his promise to his mum?

What do we think is going on with those Slytherins and Severus?

I know it's been a slow build but there are going to be quite a few more chapters so I'd say we're getting back on track here! Let me know what you all think on here or at the tumblr (bebravelily)! There's been a little bit more of unrelated posts than I usually have so fair warning if you're going to be heading over there! I still have the usual stuff queued though if you're put off by posts relating to Ferguson. I'm just going to say right now that I don't plan to stop posting about any time soon so I understand if that makes any of you uncomfortable. I'd rather not get into that right now though so anyway!

I'd love to hear any thoughts (pertaining to the chapter) :))

Until next time (pending I have the time)!

-S


	16. Chapter 16--James

_A/N: Like I said, we have a lot of time jumps in this chapter! I needed to get the story moving along as it should extend a little over a year so here we are! Be sure to pay attention to the italicized headings! It's got a big of a _How to Get Away With Murder_ feel to it!_

* * *

><p><em>December- James<em>

It felt colder without her. Darker. Like nothing would ever feel the same without the comfort of her arms around me.

Because of the respect I still had for my dead mum, I sat next to my father to maintain the image she tried so hard to cultivate in her own world full of Ministry wives. My friends filled the row behind me, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Lily holding Sirius as the man presiding over the funeral spoke about a woman he never knew.

It was beautiful, if I was being fair. If it wasn't an affair to remember the life of the best person I'd ever meet, I would have enjoyed being there. Sirius spent weeks helping my Aunt Darla and Nan with preparations, his way to cope as Remus put it. He was a natural—practically born to host lavish galas, to wear a tie, to know which fork was to be used with what dish. I couldn't do more but sit in her closet, surrounded by her smell, her memories, and wish that life wasn't like this.

Dad smelled of whiskey and I fought the urge to gag next to him, all too aware that there were people from _The Profit _doing their rounds with their flashy cameras. I couldn't do that to my mum. I couldn't disgrace her memory and everything she built because I couldn't handle being next to my father.

I hadn't cried once since I heard, and I didn't know how long it would take until I broke. It felt wrong, like I was disgracing her memory, by not showing any real emotion. Dad—Dad was doing it all wrong. He was weak. I finally saw that now.

There was no braveness of heart when it came down to it. Everything I aspired to be was a lie, and I felt myself floundering as I tried to pick up the pieces. It was always a sad day when a kid realizes their parent isn't the person they thought they were—almost like they were lost forever, that perfect idea in your head.

But what they didn't tell you was how much sadder it could be when you lose both your parents at the same time. The idea of one and the physical comfort of the other.

When the funeral ended, the family—or what was left of us—stood up first, filing out of the row and towards the house. Mum wouldn't have wanted a big production and it was one of the only things I was firm about in planning—it was at the house or it wasn't anywhere. Mum spent most of my life trying to create the perfect home for me to grow up in, and when the time came, where I'd raise my own child. I was a lot of things but a bad son was not one of them.

I smelt her before I saw her—citrus and sunshine and honey—and smiled to myself when she traced her finger along the inside of my wrist. We stood side by side, waiting for the line to move to get inside the house, and suddenly, I was able to breathe again. I never know how I feel when she's gone until she's back with me again, the feeling of emptiness lifting from my chest.

"Hi," She said softly.

"Hi."

"How ya feeling?"

I shrugged, running my left hand through my hair so she'd still be touching my other. "Not like I thought I would if I'm being honest," I admitted sheepishly.

"People grieve in different ways," She said reassuringly, her pinkie interlocking with mine loosely. "There's nothing wrong with that or you."

"It's just been a very unreal few days," I said quietly.

Lily nodded, looking down at her feet as we moved forward. "We can talk about it tonight. When everyone leaves."

"Okay."

* * *

><p>Dumbledore's words echoed in my head, the last he said to me before I left for the holidays. He reached out and gave me something to hold onto, something to hope for. He gave me an opportunity that I couldn't accept yet, not in the proper mindset to even consider it.<p>

I was picking at the plate of food Peter brought me when my door opened, light filling the room for a moment before darkness took over again with the simple click of the lock.

* * *

><p><em>Three Weeks Before<em>

The air felt like it was sucked out of the room, my vision blurring as I stared at the great man before me. I knew it was going to happen. There was no evidence to prove otherwise. And yet I was enough of a child to believe that my mum was a superhero, could beat even death.

But no one could defeat death. Not even Mum.

"James," Dumbledore said gently. "James, I offer nothing but my deepest apologies for you during this time."

"Right. Yeah. Thanks," I mumbled, wiping the blood off my lip and staring into nothing. I needed to get back to the infirmary. I needed to see my friends and feel _something_, anything. I needed—

"James, in light of recent events, I'd like to extend to you an offer to be apart of a project I've put together. I'm sorry if this is inappropriate for me to ask of you at the present time but I feel as if your service will prove valuable."

* * *

><p><em>Three Weeks and Three Hours Before<em>

"Dad?"

* * *

><p><em>Three Weeks and Three Hours and Three Days Before<em>

The autumn leaves turned into bare branches; the green grass hidden under a blanket of thick snow. Jumpers were taken out from the bottom of trunks, hot cocoa replacing juices at meals. Heads were decorated with colorful and handmade hats, hands gloved in bright blues and reds and yellows and greens. Every fireplace lit in the castle, keeping each room toasty and comfortable for students and teachers alike.

Hagrid pulled in the last of the grand Christmas trees, waving at us as he passed by our table. I was watching Flitwick tell him where to put it when I was startled by Remus slamming his newspaper down.

"Did you see this?" Remus asked angrily. We all blinked at him before looking down at the paper he was reading; in big, bold letters for the world to see, it read: **THE DARK LORD'S MESSAGE**.

Peter peered over it, eyebrows pulling together as he skimmed the first paragraph. "'The Dark Lord has spoken and no one can be sure what he means.' Then why in the name of Merlin's pants did you write a whole article on it?"

Sirius snatched it away, smoothing it down before he leaned forward to look over it. "He's coming to the school."

"What?" Peter and I said in unison as Remus took the paper back from Sirius, disappearing behind it as he continued reading.

Taking a bite of his toast, he nodded, face grim. "He's coming to the school before we leave for holidays this weekend."

"B—But why?" Peter stammered, biting his nails.

Sirius shrugged. "To kill us? How the hell am I supposed to know? Shall I go over to my little Death Eater brother and give him an ask?"

"No," I said sharply.

"Chill out, Prongs, I was kidding."

I rolled my eyes, not finding the humor in any of that, but didn't want to dwell. "Anyway," I started, "what makes you think he's coming here?"

"This part right here," Remus answered instead from behind his paper. "'Where your heart lies, your safety dwells, is a sinister truth that most overlook in favor of ignorance. Open your eyes like you open your minds, it's been there all along. Three moons and no more, no less—I am coming.'"

"The heart as in your kids," Sirius pointed out, waving his spoon around and gesturing to the students that were enjoying their meal. "Your safety meaning Dumbledore. Open your minds, meaning education."

"Merlin," Peter breathed, shrinking down in his seat and gripping the sides of his head. "What do we do?"

"I reckon Dumbledore's read it already," Remus said as he started to fold the newspaper carefully, "and seeing as he hasn't done anything about it yet, we do nothing."

"'We do nothing'?" I repeated incredulously. "You're saying we just stand by like sitting ducks and let this psycho take us all out?"

"I'm saying that we need to trust Dumbledore's judgment," He corrected.

"You're like a bloody broken record, Mooney," Sirius snorted.

Peter nodded. "I say we get the hell out of dodge."

"That's not what I meant, Peter."

"Maybe Peter's right though," I said. "Maybe we need to think about leaving. I mean, he clearly knows when the train will be leaving. If we leave sooner, he won't expect it."

"That'll just scare everyone," Remus insisted. "That's hardly enough time to prepare—"

"Stop thinking about reason and start thinking about survival," I snapped, gripping the hair at the back of my neck. I didn't need him to argue logic with me; I needed him to realize how important it was that all of them survive this. I couldn't imagine a world where my three best mates didn't exist. I didn't plan to have to.

That afternoon, I went straight to the prefect meeting in McGonagall's office with Remus. He was still quiet, more so after the long day of classes we just endured, and I couldn't even sort through my own thoughts, much less his as well.

I opened the door for us, expecting to be the first ones there, and was surprised to see Lily already sitting at the long oval table. She looked up as we came in, shutting the door behind us, and her face turned slightly pink as our eyes met.

"The meetings at five," She reminded us, giving Remus a tightlipped smile before looking back down at her parchment.

"I know when it is," I said quietly, removing my bag and placing it next to my seat at the head of the table. "Why are you here so early?"

She shrugged and I noticed she was doodling a flower at the top of her paper. "Mary went home early and Marlene went to study."

"For what? Classes are almost out for break," Remus snorted but I didn't miss the way he smiled to himself, the way his face softened at the mention of Marlene.

"Mary's home?" I asked, ignoring him. I didn't care about Marlene's obsessiveness or the fact that Lily still wouldn't meet my eyes even after two months of silence. I didn't care that she still wore Heathrow's necklace or that she seemed to always disappear when I came around. What mattered was that at least one of my friends would be safe, one less person to worry about.

Lily glanced up at me, eyebrows knit together. "Yeah. Her brother's feeling poorly and she wanted to see him."

"Brilliant—I mean, that's too bad," I recovered as Lily eyed me suspiciously. "Um, well—" We were saved from the awkward pleasantries as a group of prefects walked in, chatting happily about their holiday plans.

Lily cleared her throat, getting to her feet and coming to stand next to me at the head of the table. She flipped through her papers until she got to the role sheet, and I looked over her shoulder as she started checking off the names of students as they walked in. I couldn't help but notice the lack of checks by a certain students name, finding it both odd and yet reassuring that Lily hasn't made a bigger fuss about that.

"Alright, everyone, I'll make this quick," Lily said once the last prefect took their seat. "We'll need to remind everyone that the deadline to let McGonagall know whether or not they're staying is tomorrow after dinner. Make sure you're going over that in the common rooms, showing first years the procedure to do that and anything else they'll need. They're tiny and they're scared to ask, but just be sure and check even if they don't. Um, when we're on the train this weekend—"

"Actually," I said suddenly, pushing my chair back and sitting up, "I've spoken to Professor Dumbledore and he's agreed it'll make the most sense to leave a day or two before."

"Actually," Lily repeated, turning to frown at me, "it doesn't make much sense at all."

"Fight, fight, fight," Amos said under his breath. Remus punched his arm, scowling, before getting to his feet as well.

"James, this is not the—"

"Who here has read the paper this morning?" I asked, cutting over him. "Anyone?"

"I have," Cornelia Tines said unsurely, raising her hand.

"Me too," Clearwater nodded.

"Why, James?" Gregory Abbott asked.

I glanced at Remus, who looked absolutely furious, and took a deep breath. "Because Voldemort is coming. That's what his message said in the paper."

"It was a bloody riddle," Amos snorted. "Nonsense honestly."

"Sod off, Diggory," I snapped before turning back to the Ravenclaws. "Honestly, do you believe that, that was just some childish riddle? It was a message. Aren't those what riddles are anyways? He's coming to the school before we leave and we have to do something about it before—"

"Potter," Lily said sharply, "we can't just—"

"Why can't we, Lily?" I cut over her. "Why can't we fight back?"

"That's not fighting back, James. That's running," She pointed out. "There are children here. It's not safe for—"

"He doesn't give a damn if we're kids or not!" I said, my exasperation at it's peak. Why didn't everyone understand that? Why wasn't anyone concerned for their own safety? The safety of their friends?

Remus shook his head. "James, enough. We talked about this at breakfast."

"No, Remus, _you_ talked about it at breakfast."

"Parkinson, have you noticed anything fishy in your common room? Anyone writing letters to dear old Voldy?" Amos joked.

I narrowed my eyes at him, a red haze falling over my eyes, and would have hexed him if it weren't for Lily grabbing my wrist.

"No, James," She whispered.

"I'm not going to stand by and let him kill my friends." She opened her mouth but nothing came out as she continued to stare up at me. "Lily—"

"Everyone go down to dinner," Lily interrupted, looking away from me.

"But—"

"Everyone, Davies. Go." Lily waited until the room was empty apart from us and Remus before snatching up her things and marching to the door. "We have five minutes until Dumbledore heads down for dinner. You better be right, Potter, because so help me—"

"Sirius was the one who figured it out," I informed her, silently throwing a celebration that _one_ person was willing to do something about it.

She looked placated, obviously more secure with Sirius' intuition than mine. I tried to not let that bother me.

"Well, alright."

"And what do you two geniuses suppose we do once we—for the second time this year—intrude on Professor Dumbledore and force him to listen to a bunch of seventeen year olds?"

Lily stopped short, running a hand through her hair, a faraway look in her eyes. "Um—"

"We have to wait," Remus said, jumping on Lily's moment of vulnerability. If he couldn't appeal to my reason, he sure as hell would try on Lily. "We have to wait and plan and figure this out before we do _anything_, Lily. You know that as well as I do."

"Lily, no," I said firmly, gripping her shoulders. She flinched, like she was electrocuted, but I had to keep going. I couldn't let our pettiness affect what had to be done. "There isn't any time to mess around or it'll be—"

"Remus is right," She said flatly. She shook me off her, taking a step back and keeping her eyes on the wall behind me. "I'm sorry, Potter."

"Lily—"

"No, James," She snapped and in that moment I wished she was ignoring me again. "Stop thinking about your own bloody agenda for once and realize there are more people involved then those that occupy your little world!"

I recoiled from her as if she had just hit; I heard Remus' sharp intake of breath, heard Lily's labored breathing as she gathered the courage to speak to me for the first time in weeks.

"I don't care what you say," I said hoarsely. "This isn't about me and you know it. I didn't realize we'd jumped back to 1976, Evans."

"Guys, this isn't the time nor place," Remus tried to say but Lily and I continued to stare one another down, neither willing to back down.

"Go to dinner, Mooney," I said tersely, not wavering as I glared down at her.

"But—"

"Leave, Remus," Lily muttered.

A moment passed before I heard Remus' footsteps echo down the corridor. Another second went by before the sound disappeared altogether, only leaving the sounds of Lily and my breathing mingling.

"Lily, you don't know the first thing about me if you think for one second that I'm doing this selfishly," I said coldly.

"Really? Because the last time I checked the only time you do things if you end up gaining something out of it."

"How would you even know? You haven't bothered to talk to me in Merlin knows how long! You don't know a goddamn thing about my life!"

"Maybe we're just not suited to be in each other's lives," Lily sniffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You've made damn sure of that!" I laughed. She was so infuriating, so stubborn. There was no point in arguing with her when it wouldn't get us anywhere.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"All of the avoiding me and running in circles just to get away—"

"Oh because you're so right in all of this! Because you weren't doing the same!"

"So you admit you were avoiding me then?"

"Y-You're—that's just—you're fishing! T-That's absolutely—"

I didn't have enough time to react; one minute Lily was yelling at me, frustrated beyond words, and the next she's cutting herself off, pulling out her wand and pointing it at me. Right before her hex could hit me, a yellow mass came between us, knocking both of us back and onto our arses.

"You're both absolutely mental if you think I'm going to put up with this anymore," Sirius snapped, pointing his wand between us, Peter and Remus trailing behind him. "Enough is enough, mates! It's been two months! Let's move on, yeah?"

Lily glared at me as Peter helped her to her feet, brushing off her skirt and holding her head up. I shoved Remus away from me, pushing myself up; right before I could tell Sirius off for interfering, Remus for tattling, and Peter for lacking a backbone, a Ravenclaw boy half my size approached us, the paper in his hand shaking as he offered it to me.

"From Professor Dumbledore, um, sir," He said nervously, nearly falling he flinched so hard when I took it from him.

"You don't have to call me sir," I laughed, tucking it into my back pocket. "What's your name?"

"Kingsley."

"James. That's a pretty ace name, mate," I said, grinning now. I offered him my hand and he surprised me by having a rather firm, strong handshake. "Who taught you how to shake hands like that?"

"My dad," He said, puffing out his chest now.

"Good man," I laughed before turning to my friends and Lily. "This is Remus, Peter, Sirius, and Lily. What year are you?"

"I'm a fifth year, si—um, I mean James."

"Pretty scrawny for a fifth—Oi," Sirius moaned after Lily jabbed him in the side with her elbow.

"Be nice," I heard her hiss.

"Well it was nice meeting you, Kingsley," I grinned at him, shaking his hand again. "Don't be a stranger, alright?"

"Alright," He said, his white teeth contrasting nicely with his lovely dark skin as he smiled up at me. I waited until he disappeared down the corridor before unrolling the note, everyone huddling around me as I read it.

**Tonight. 8 o'clock. I quite like blood-flavoured Lollipops. **

"Is he finally going to get us for making all the forks and spoons dance during Halloween?" Peter asked wearily, looking up at me and Sirius with pure fear in his eyes.

Snatching the note out of my hand, Sirius shook his head at Peter as he read it for himself.

"This could mean a number of things," He eventually said.

"Like?" Lily asked, incredulous as ever.

"Like," Sirius repeated, his voice nasally and high-pitched in an attempt to mock her, "maybe he wants to talk about what's in the paper. Who likes blood-flavoured lollis?"

"It's the password," snorted Lily.

"How would he know that James wants to talk about that though?" Peter frowned.

"Well he did just announce to a room full of prefects that he thinks we're all going to die in a few days," Lily muttered, sharing a look with Remus.

"Some of which were Slytherins," Remus added. "Who probably went off and started running their mouths as soon as they walked out the doors."

"That's far too obvious, Moony," I said, shaking my head. No, it wasn't sneaky enough, not hard to crack at all. People _expect_ the Slytherins to be evil, to produce future Death Eaters. It wasn't elusive enough for Voldemort to have his spies in that house and that house only. That's why he wanted Sirius. He wanted something unexpected.

I followed them down to the Great Hall, with them physically but my mind was elsewhere.

* * *

><p>"Professor?" I said as I pushed open his office door a crack.<p>

"Come in."

His phoenix lifted her head as I walked inside, the headmistresses and headmasters staring down at me as I made my way to the chair across from his desk. One of the silver instruments on the many tables emitted a puff of smoke, blowing into my face, and I had to wave the air in front of me to remove it.

Quietly, I pulled the chair back to sit down, running a hand through my hair as I waited for him to say something. Except, he continued to read whatever was in front of him, as if I wasn't just sitting there.

I coughed into my fist, clearing my throat. "Um, Professor—"

"My apologies, Mr. Potter," He said airily, still not looking at me as he folded his paper and placed it carefully in a neat square in front of him. "That was rather rude of me."

"It's okay, Professor."

He smiled at me, though it didn't reach his eyes, and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. "Now, the matter I'd like to discuss before I dismiss you to bed, is the simple fact that you seem to be unhappy with the departure scheduled for our students in a few days time."

"That's correct, sir."

"I'm quite caught up as to why you feel that way, Mr. Potter, but perhaps it would do us all better if I heard it from you presently."

"Um, right," I mumbled before coughing into my fist again. "Um, well, it was actually my mate Sirius who—"

"Mr. Black? Should I call him in here as well then?"

"Well, he's just outside actually so—" I trailed off when Dumbledore's smooth expression faltered, revealing a bit of the impatient man people rarely saw. "I'll just go get him then."

"And Mr. Lupin and Mr. Pettigew as well, if you'd please."

I paused, hand hovering over the door knob. "Um. Right."

Closing the door behind me, I took a deep breath before walking back down the narrow passage that led back to the statue. I poked my head out, grinning when I saw Remus looking over the map while Sirius and Peter played Exploding Snaps.

"Marauders," I barked. "Oi, let's go."

"What's going on?" Remus asked, putting the map down.

"The batty old kook wants a word with all of us now."

"That's the greatest wizard of our time, James," Remus grunted as he got up and stowed the map away in his robes. "Remember that."

"Shut up for like five minutes, Moony," Sirius sighed, throwing an arm around my shoulders as we walked back to Dumbledore's office.

When we crossed the threshold, I noticed three more chairs appeared next to the one I previously occupied and that the phoenix was no longer on her perch.

"Evening, Professor," Remus greeted politely. Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus' blatant prefect-ness, and I had to stifle my own smirk, choosing to stare at the tiny hole in Peter's pants rather than at Dumbledore.

"Good evening, Mr. Lupin. I trust you're feeling well this evening?" Dumbledore asked. It shouldn't have meant anything to anyone else, just a pleasantry shared between teacher and pupil, but we all froze, all held our breaths as the figurative wolf in the room stared us all in the face.

"I am, sir, thank you," Remus said quietly.

Dumbledore smiled at him before turning to all of us. "James has brought it to my attention that he was not the only one who found themselves in an uproar over the morning's paper."

"Actually, I was the one who figured it out," Sirius said, smirking haughtily as he leaned back in his chair, putting his arm over the back of mine. "But James is the one throwing a strop over it so I can't take all the credit."

"So you're under the impression that I've allowed a hole in the security of this school, making it possible for Lord Voldemort to infiltrate the castle?" Dumbledore asked, voice as pleasant as it was when he was talking to Remus.

Sirius' face faltered, Remus shaking his head as Sirius' face turned white. "Um, well, no, I—"

"This isn't about anyone trying to disrespect you," I cut in, putting a hand on Sirius' arm. "This is about protecting the students of this school. As Head Boy, I don't think that I'm out of line in thinking that."

"You're right."

"And—I—I am?" _What?_

The beginnings of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he peered over his glasses, almost as if he was peering into my soul. "Yes, Mr. Potter. You're right. Now what do you suggest we do about it?"

"Um—" I hadn't thought quite that far ahead yet. "Um, we should evacuate the students. Right?"

"Perhaps."

"Well we're not going to bloody let them sit like ducks, are we?" Sirius said dubiously.

"We fight back," I said suddenly. All three of my mates leaned forward to stare at me, Peter's mouth dropping openly slightly. I ignored them, focusing on Dumbledore as he did the same to me; and if I was being honest, I thought I saw a hint of respect in those blue eyes. "We fight back."

* * *

><p>AN: Yup, like I said, lots of time jumps in this one. i was looking at the timeline of things i wanted to get through and realized if I didn't do something like this, this story could very well be fifty chapters long.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this!

Did we all notice Kingsley? :)

Until next time!

-S


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